Am I Aromantic?

[Paperrcut]

Heh I have no Idea what I'm doing. 

If someone could read this and try to help me a little bit that would be greatly appreciated, because I have no clue what I am feeling or what I'm supposed to be feeling.

 

Past Relationships:

I am a 16y/o Heterosexual(I think) Female.

(I understand that at my age, it's normal to be confused but I just want some advice.) 

I haven't been in many relationships before and none have lasted long. Some past relationships, I didn't like the guys at all and was simply in the relationship because of peer pressure. That all has to deal with my past trauma but recently I've been getting into more serious relationships. I've been in 3 relationships that I thought were pretty serious and the longest was 4 months which isn't bad at all but looking back on it, we didn't necessarily act like "boyfriend/girlfriend" more like best friends who said "I love you." 

The next lasted just a few days. We were really good friends and spent a lot of time together and it was really fun! I thought I liked him a lot until we started dating... He started being lovey dovey and more romantic and I didn't like it. I didn't like being romantic with him and I told him very soon after we started dating which inevitably caused the end of the relationship. I felt like I led him on and it made me feel terrible. I thought that I maybe just confused the platonic and romantic attraction towards him and didn't think much of it. Relationships end, it's normal.

Then the third. This one was probably the most serious of them all. We were close friends previously so a similar situation with the second. In my head, I really liked him and we did end up dating. It was going great! He was a great guy and I thought he was the one. He was very cuddly and sweet which I got tired of very quickly. He wanted nothing more than to just hold me and cuddle which I stopped enjoying. I wanted to have fun again like when we were friends. Then something happened, it wasn't anything sexual but he pushed me too far and it scared me. All of that romantic attraction or anything kinda vanished and I felt terrible. Thinking about the future with him, which used to be a nice thought, terrified me.  I didn't wanna cuddle, I didn't wanna be touched at all really. I asked to remain friends after 3 weeks of dating. 

I can't tell if it was because of what he did or because I didn't want that romance anymore.

I don't tend to have the "honeymoon" phase but when I do, it doesn't last long. 

 

I would also like to mention that past trauma has left me very protective of myself. Walls higher than skyscrapers, I don't tend to let people in.

When the third guy did what he did, my walls went right back up from where they began. I can't tell if that's because I was protecting myself and even if I was, how was I supposed to talk through any relationship problems if my walls just go right back up and I can't talk anymore?

 

Whenever a relationship turns romantic, I run. 

Future: 

I always envisioned getting married and having children which is still a desire I hold dearly. The problem is whenever I think about a *romantic* relationship with my future husband, It doesn't feel right. It makes me cringe. 

Asexual?:

I wouldn't describe myself as Asexual, but I also can't tell where that attraction lies. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with a woman (getting married to her, growing old, ect.) but I can imagine being intimate with one. I don't know what that means. (I know I'm attracted to men)

Feelings:

I get protective and Jealous, but not only with partners, friends too. I get Jealous when I see my friends being friendly with others. (I never say anything about this Jealousy, I would never pressure that on anyone but I do get the feeling of it on my chest.) With both guy and girl friends. Does that mean I like them as more than friends or what?

I can get obsessed with new people I meet but it never tends to be because of how they look or if I find them attractive. it's just a click I experience with that person that makes it easier to talk with them. I find them entertaining and a good person which makes me want to spend more time with them. 

Interests:

I love reading/watching romance/smut. I never relate to the stories personally but I enjoy indulging in them. It also doesn't matter the sex of the characters for the story. I will watch/read about boy with boy, boy with girl, girl with girl, as long as it's romance, I tend to read it. So that also confuses me.

 

I know this was a lot and I'm sorry about that. I completely understand if you didn't read the whole thing but I just want some help. 

If you did read it and have any idea whatever it is I am feeling, please respond.

Thank you.

 

 

[Monke Jimmy]

I think 16 is about the age where you can start to look back and see a pattern emerging. That doesn't mean that you figure it out at that age, though. Sometimes it takes years of thinking to figure out what you really want or need to be happy and healthy. 

You should also open yourself up to the idea that a relationship might look like BFFs. Any type of relationship has great variation. Maybe you'll find someone one day who wants the same thing, or maybe you'll realize that you'll be fine without that. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hi @Paperrcut

 

It can take some time to understand your feelings or what you like and don't like for relationships (or how you feel about someone), and it can sometimes be complicated like how everyone has 'baggage' they bring to relationships and sometimes things don't work out. It can take to meet someone who somehow fits a way that works with you, or other things. And like @Monke Ilahisaid there's different dynamics you can have with different people so maybe you do need to find a best friend part and a romantic part that doesn't feel too much to you, it could let you see more what feels good to you. I guess I wonder if you just had a best friend without a romantic relationship, how you'd feel or if you are looking for more.

Nobody else can know for you what feels good in a relationship. If you find yourself not drawn to romance with people then you can think a bit more about the aromantic spectrum but it sounds like you do get drawn towards there but have more going on with your feelings which you're not sure about yet.

You've already dated a lot more than I have, as someone romantic, I hardly dated when I was in my teens, partyly due to that I delt with feeling inadequate and other stuff. I think it's easy to have feelings to go through or to figure out with time. I would say just try to follow your heart, and to be happy in general without having to necessarily go to relationships right away, though they can also be ok to explore to understand ourselves too through them, but yeah it's best to see what feels best to you and if you can, and know it's ok to explore and take time to understand for yourself.

[Picklesz]

I like the advice above, I also had an experience similar to yours. I don't like or care for physical touch, so how could I have romantic attraction? Eventually, I figured out, it's just because I like different things in a romantic relationship. My love language for example is acts of service. My ideal relationship is a secure relationship where we care for each other, spend time with each other, and just feel comfortable and spend our lives together. I value an emotional connection. Is it necessarily wrong that I don't feel the need for physical touch? I think it's just how I am. Everybody values different things in a relationship. Maybe you have different values than these guys you had been in relationships with. Take your time figuring it out