Am I experiencing sexual attraction or something else??

[Cosmic Sand]

I for the longest time didn't even think I experienced sexual attraction.

Now I'm questing if I do experience sexual attraction because I have been regularly fantasizing about this guy I have romantic feelings for.

 

In my fantasizes about him 

I usually only see and feel his genitalia

And maybe hear his voice

Unless my fetishes are involved but the slightly weird part is that in my fantasizes only certain traditionally sexual actions turn me on while others do nothing still

The part that confuses me is whenever I look at someone including the guy I fantasize about I always say things like "oh they're cute" or "they look nice"

But I never think or say they are "hot" per-say

 

As for actually doing the certain sexual actions I fantasize about doing with him I want to but I'm indifferent to actually being in a sexual relationship

Don't usually seek them out

He is the only person I have ever made me experience anything like this 

 

Any answers as to what I'm experiencing or  new possible labels will be greatly appreciated

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hi @Cosmic Sand.

There's different ways to be sexually attracted to someone, not everyone thinks of sex on impact, it could be more just when in a relationship, or when liking someone more romantically. It's less common in men but still can happen. You might have 'less' sexual feelings which can happen, everyone's different.  For a lot of people sex is important in a relationship, so it's still good to know and be true to how much it is (or isn't) to you. To be sure not to push yourself, and only go for it as you want to.

It's ok to take time and see what it means to you over time.

[RoseGoesToYale]

This is what it was like for me when I was figuring out I was demisexual (I previously thought I was asexual). I started fantasizing about a guy I was good friends with, and had romantic feelings for. For me, the only way I can tell if I'm sexually attracted to someone is if I ask myself "Do I want to have real-life sex with this person?" and the answer is yes. Before that, the answer was always no, even though I would sometimes have sexual fantasies about real life men. Persuing a relationship or not doesn't really have a bearing on it, because people can be attracted to someone but not pursue a relationship with them for whatever reason.

 

Not sure if this really helps because I was super confused during that time and a lot of advice didn't help until I eventually had an epiphany. It may sound cliché and cop-out, but you'll know it when you know it, and if not, then you'll also know it.

[Ceebs]

Quite likely, yep. (Source: being a sexual person.)

 

On 1/13/2023 at 12:49 PM, Cosmic Sand said:

But I never think or say they are "hot"

This is definitely not required for it to be sexual attraction. I rarely use the term 'hot', and if I do it's pretty much almost always for people I find exceptionally good-looking but would probably not actually have sex with because the vast majority of the time I don't even actually know them. Someone like a famous musician or whatever. I've found my partners and crushes attractive for sure, but objectively they've all been average-looking people -- just like I'm average-looking myself haha -- and when I think about how I find them physically attractive, it's because there's a whole bunch of other things associated with them, like the connection we share, liking their character, feeling safe and loved if it's in the context of a serious relationship, all that sort of stuff. And because of those things I've been far more attracted to them than anyone I might call 'hot' in passing.

[Hooded_Crow]

Sounds like sexual attraction to me. (Source: also being a sexual person.)

 

Here's the thing about sexual attraction: it's when you're drawn to another person in a way that sparks your sexuality.

 

Forget the whole "hot/sexy" versus "cute/nice" thing. That's just magazine cover language. It's not relevant. Otherwise all blind people would be asexual, which is obviously not true.

[m8476]

On 1/13/2023 at 5:49 PM, Cosmic Sand said:

I for the longest time didn't even think I experienced sexual attraction.

Now I'm questing if I do experience sexual attraction because I have been regularly fantasizing about this guy I have romantic feelings for.

 

In my fantasizes about him 

I usually only see and feel his genitalia

And maybe hear his voice

Unless my fetishes are involved but the slightly weird part is that in my fantasizes only certain traditionally sexual actions turn me on while others do nothing still

The part that confuses me is whenever I look at someone including the guy I fantasize about I always say things like "oh they're cute" or "they look nice"

But I never think or say they are "hot" per-say

 

As for actually doing the certain sexual actions I fantasize about doing with him I want to but I'm indifferent to actually being in a sexual relationship

Don't usually seek them out

He is the only person I have ever made me experience anything like this 

 

Any answers as to what I'm experiencing or  new possible labels will be greatly appreciated

You sound like a fetsexual as your primarily interested in indulging in a sexual fetish with a romantic partner despite not having interest in conventional sex.