aromanticism and romance i guess?????

[gay vermin boi]

so i recently figured out that i may be aromantic (or just use the term because i think that is the best label for me), and im kind of confused about what romantic attraction is. also maybe wondering about how any other aromantic/aroace people have found out that they were aromantic/aroace? im interested in how others may have figured out that about themselves : D

[NaeC]

I'm not aromantic the reason I tell myself on why that label doesn't fit me is because when I read a book and it gets to the romance/the main character flirting and falling in love I think to myself "I want that" but not the sex gross 😆😆 Romance can mean different things to different people. for me it means cuddling while watching a movie, holding hands when walking together, wanting to be embraced by someone who loves you, just wanting to be close to that person. So for me being romantically attracted to someone would be wanting to be held by someone I've become interested in because of their personality. 

 

Only you can pick which terms best fit you so if you feel that aromantic is the best label for you than claim it. I understand being uncertain, I define myself as asexual but there are times where I've wondered if demisexual best fits me, an it possibly does but I don't care for the label, it just doesn't work for me, so I just stick with asexual because that's the term I prefer. 

 

I hope this helps at least a little bit. good luck on your journey

[Nirnroot]

It took a while for me to realize I was aro because I like the idea of romance and would daydream about it. Turns out I'm just aegoromantic. 

 

I was very confused for a long time. Because I was lacking interest in anyone, never developed any crushes, would be quick to shut down anyone interested in me, and any crushes I did have were forced. Then there was the how I behaved around friendships. I didn't realize most people can't just make their crush feelings go away when someone expresses they don't like them back. The few times I had "crushes" I got over it immediately after I realized they didn't like me back. It was literally no big deal, the friendship I had with them was more important. I thought everyone felt like that and never understood why someone would never talk to me again if I told them I liked them or why people aren't friends with their exes. I didn't realize most people couldn't just like, shut it off. As in, shut the romantic feelings off. 
Also I feel like I am more attached to friends, friends are very important to me and I never understood why a romantic partner is automatically more important to most people, I used to feel so different for this. When I was a teenager I would literally cry because I thought I'd never find a friend who valued friendship as much as I do. (I was wrong about that)

Eventually I realized how obviously aro I was. I wasn't weird and there were others like me. 

 

[Monke Jimmy]

I'm kind of in the gray area. Haven't felt feelings for someone in over a year. When I do it's different from others. 

I think all through high school I just thought that we were too young to get into anything serious. After a couple crushes, I realized that maybe it was unusual at that point to not crush often and not want to kiss when I do. I'd already known about asexuality for a while, so grayromantic was just another clarification of my labeling. 

 

Edit: I'm at a photography studio, and I just remembered that 3 years ago one of the photographers was asking me about dating just to keep the mood light. I felt so pressured that I made up "Kathy." Since then Kathy has been the personification of my imagination. That may have been a major turning point in my identity. 

[Snao Cone]

The aromanticism was pretty obvious for me, as I've always found romance repulsive and quite vocally did not even think romantic love was a real thing. And yet a guy still fell in love with me. 😑

[Guest]

I haven't figured it out yet either. I'm going to try making some new friends and see how things develop. I won't be upset if we remain friends.

 

My current understanding of romantic attraction is as an intrinsic drive to partner up with someone and share your life with them. The specifics can take many forms.

 

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

[gay vermin boi]

On 1/13/2023 at 11:45 AM, NaeC said:

I'm not aromantic the reason I tell myself on why that label doesn't fit me is because when I read a book and it gets to the romance/the main character flirting and falling in love I think to myself "I want that" but not the sex gross 😆😆 Romance can mean different things to different people. for me it means cuddling while watching a movie, holding hands when walking together, wanting to be embraced by someone who loves you, just wanting to be close to that person. So for me being romantically attracted to someone would be wanting to be held by someone I've become interested in because of their personality. 

 

Only you can pick which terms best fit you so if you feel that aromantic is the best label for you than claim it. I understand being uncertain, I define myself as asexual but there are times where I've wondered if demisexual best fits me, an it possibly does but I don't care for the label, it just doesn't work for me, so I just stick with asexual because that's the term I prefer. 

 

I hope this helps at least a little bit. good luck on your journey

thank you!!! this is very helpful!!

[The French Unicorn]

I just realized that I never really wanted a romantic partner. It was society that engrains the idea in me and without this society, I would not have think about it.

 

Also I take things litterally. People say you know you are (romantically) attracted to someone when you feel it. I concluded that if I never knew I was (romantically) attracted to someone, I must have never felt the feeling.