How to Know if You're on the Ace Spectrum While on Anti-depressants?

[cartertyson]

Hi! I'm new to AVN (and forums about sexuality in general), so I apologize in advance for any ignorance. I'm currently 20 years old and have been on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medications (Lexapro and Wellbutrin, to be specific) for about 4-6 years. I don't really know what my life is like without them anymore, and I especially don't know what my sex drive is like without them. I've never felt an urge to have sex like many other people my age do and I'm starting to wonder if I may be on the ace spectrum. I do get aroused occasionally and experience slight attraction, but I've never really had any sexual fantasies about other people and the idea of having sex with someone makes me feel kind of uneasy. I think having sex would be an interesting experience and am not put off completely by it, but I am very insecure about the whole process. That also may be because of my very poor self-confidence, but I digress. I've never had any romantic experiences, so I'm not sure if these feelings are simply out of inexperience or if I'm really not a sexual person. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and Google hasn't been super helpful, so I've turned to this forum to hopefully find some guidance. Please share your thoughts if you feel comfortable or have had a similar experience. I would really appreciate!

[cartertyson]

I also forgot to add that I've been on oral birth control since I was 15, which I've heard sometimes lowers sex drive as well. I'm sure there are more things I forgot to mention, but hopefully I'll remember them if other people respond! 

[Picklethewickle]

The simplest way to decide that is to compare if you had sexual urges before you started the medication. In your case that's a bit harder, as you started at a young age and not everyone feels sexual interest early.

 

My understanding of how medicine changes sex drive is vague, but maybe we can explore together. For some people, loss in sex drive isn't the same as disinterest in sex. A loss in sex drive is more "I want to have sex, but it's hard to get my body to cooperate, it's too much work to get that satisfaction these days." Kind of like wanting cake, but not having the energy to bake one. Or, it may be like you got all the ingredients for cake prepared and have mixed up the batter, but the oven won't start. For me, if sex is cake, my asexuality is that not only do I not want the cake, I don't even want to turn on the oven.

 

For being uneasy, that might take some more time to reflect on your feelings. Are you feeling shy about having sex and relationships? Imagine a scenario where you are fully comfortable in yourself, and are with someone you can trust, someone who loves you. Would you have a relationship now? Would you have sex? (For me, it's not a matter of a situation or the person or the amount of love. I don't want sex because sex is a big NO.)

 

The solution I would recommend is to go with the flow. If at any point you want to date someone, or have sex, let yourself be open. If those desires never come up, don't force it. Accept yourself for what you both feel and don't feel.

[Monke Jimmy]

I agree with the comment above, but I also want to say that you were not too young to tell. It takes time to be able to interpret your feelings, but I think it's almost guaranteed that by 14 or 15 people who can feel sexual attraction, do. 

[Olallieberry]

Antidepressants can reduce libido or sex drive sometimes, but what's a lot more common is that they do not reduce libido or sex drive, but instead reduce pleasure from sex by making orgasm difficult.

[cartertyson]

4 hours ago, Picklethewickle said:

The simplest way to decide that is to compare if you had sexual urges before you started the medication. In your case that's a bit harder, as you started at a young age and not everyone feels sexual interest early.

 

My understanding of how medicine changes sex drive is vague, but maybe we can explore together. For some people, loss in sex drive isn't the same as disinterest in sex. A loss in sex drive is more "I want to have sex, but it's hard to get my body to cooperate, it's too much work to get that satisfaction these days." Kind of like wanting cake, but not having the energy to bake one. Or, it may be like you got all the ingredients for cake prepared and have mixed up the batter, but the oven won't start. For me, if sex is cake, my asexuality is that not only do I not want the cake, I don't even want to turn on the oven.

 

For being uneasy, that might take some more time to reflect on your feelings. Are you feeling shy about having sex and relationships? Imagine a scenario where you are fully comfortable in yourself, and are with someone you can trust, someone who loves you. Would you have a relationship now? Would you have sex? (For me, it's not a matter of a situation or the person or the amount of love. I don't want sex because sex is a big NO.)

 

The solution I would recommend is to go with the flow. If at any point you want to date someone, or have sex, let yourself be open. If those desires never come up, don't force it. Accept yourself for what you both feel and don't feel.

Thank you so much for your insight! I think I had some sexual interest when I was 13 because I think I remember having some sort of sexual fantasy around that time, but I'm not completely sure about that. 

 

The cake analogy is quite helpful! Going with the sex is cake idea, I think I'm interested in trying to bake a cake but not jumping at the opportunity if that makes sense. I'm curious about what it's about, but I don't feel like I need it.

 

If I was fully comfortable with myself and with someone I love and trust, I would definitely have a relationship now and most likely have sex with them. I guess I'm just concerned that I'll never get to that point.

[Luftschlosseule]

Hello and welcome!
Fellow person on antidepressants here. I only really have one question: How much does it matter to you?
Sexuality is considered fluid even when the person we're talking about is not taking any meds. Any label you chose may wind up need changing in the future, so maybe it is best to pick the label that feels fitting right now.

 

I find it unreliable to think what was before in puberty, because I've spoken to multiple people about this and since the hormone levels in puberty are all over the place, it is not an indicator of how things would be going in the long run - if we're talking about libido. I am also told that when trans people start hormone therapy, it's puberty all over again and weird things happen.

 

But you sound like a sex-curious ace. You could just not eat that special cake the one café offers and your life would still be full without anything missing, but maybe, when the circumstances are perfect, you'd like to try. Yes?

[Cahofiden]

I feel very touched by your comment. I am a person who always had low sexual interest and could only find it being completely in love. I have been on antidepressants, left them and went back to them. Comparing, they make me feel “less horny”. But here our emotional part is very relevant. I could have interest in sex when I wasn’t on medication, but I couldn’t enjoy it because I was feeling depressed. 

Not only medication, but our daily emotions have an effect on our sex drive. 
contact me if you need. I’m glad to find someone who feels like me