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Is there asexual etiquite


QueenLapis

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I am trying to learn more about asexuality and am wondering if there are some do's and don'ts. I don't want to be rude to anyone. For example I know alot of gay people who call straight people breeders. Are there identifiers? Or are there things to stay away from in conversations. For example I know my sis hates it when people talk about children or having children (she didn't like children when she was a child). So I know (or should) know not to tease her about that. I guess what I am asking here is that I'm her sister, I don't know what is going to offend her or not. Maybe because I'm very comfortable in my sexuality, it's easy for me to talk about it. And it's difficult to be offended by comments about it. I don't want her to be lonely and I can see how relationships can be difficult if one person is interested in sex and the other isn't. I think its pretty cool she is asexual, its kind of punk rock in a way... so antithical to our social norms. Can I just ask how being asexy is treating her? Or if she has a special asexy friend? I have a friend who I consider to be an emotional lover, we are not sexual attracted to each other but she filfills my emotional needs. I want to be able to relate to her and not marginalize her.

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Usernamecolonasterisk

I'm so punk rawk it hurts.

Meh. Personally, it takes a lot to offend me; I don't recognise when people are trying to do so a lot of the time.

Try not to assume the 'asexuality is a disorder/doesn't exist' approach, but you don't seem to have that attitude. In fact I'm quite impressed by how much you want to support your sister.

Really, it just depends on the type of person your sister is. I know a lesbian who happily makes homophobic jokes at herself, and I'll poke fun at my own size (I'm not exactly the thinnest of people - you'd need scaffolding to support my mighty man-boobs). But again, I have a friend who's very touchy about her weight; she's actually developed Anorexia because of her mum's comments about it. But I digress.

To summarise; it all depends on your sister, like I said earlier. Some people are thicker skinned than others. Don't be afraid to ask her questions about it, though, if you want to know about it.

Ask a question and be a fool for five minutes. Don't ask a question and be a fool forever.

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If an asexual finds your dildo, refer to it as a "specialty rolling pin" and put it away in a kitchen drawer. Sterilize the drawer contents after they've left.

If you are overheard having sex, explain that you got an M&M stuck up your nose and were using "special breathing exercises" to expell it. Feel free to offer to show the candy in question - they will always decline to see it.

Arrange in advance for a friend to claim ownership of any pornography an asexual may find in your home, as they were "hiding" it from their partner.

Your studded leather play costumes are "old motorcycle gear". You can't really explain the handcuffs and whips though, so just act puzzled.

Erase that answering machine greeting that goes "Hi, if you want Kevin, leave a message, if you want a blowjob, usual place, usual time.".

The correct anatomical terms are "doodang" and "hoohah".

The asexual should be approached with one hand outstreatched, palm up, below the face - a hand above the head is seen as a sign of agression. A light scratch under the chin or on the neck will make them feel comfortable around you. Maintain eye contact and smile, but avoid exposing teeth.

I hope that helps.

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Myself, I don't care what other people do in their own personal time, or talk about, etc. as long as they don't talk about it constantly or get too gross... like some people talk about sex constantly and can't talk about current events, society, art, literature, politics, the weather... you know... other stuff... however, it really bugs me when they try to get me involved with their weird stuff. "Hi, wanna do a threesome?" "Nope." "Why not?" Then I feel like, get the f--- away from me... know what I mean?

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It depends on your sister I'm afraid - as long as you're nice, open and don't make assumptions I don't see why she should get pissed off. *shrugs*

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Your studded leather play costumes are "old motorcycle gear". You can't really explain the handcuffs and whips though, so just act puzzled.

I hope that helps.

My favourite ^^

Anyway, QueenLapis, it's obvious you love your sister very much and know she'll appreciate it to the end that you're so supportive.

You know your sister best to know what it takes to offend her. I don't think there's anything in particular that will universally offend an asexual. Personally, if you were my sister, I would just ask you to not even bring the topic up unless it's relevant and DEFINITELY don't out her to anyone unless she asks you to. If anyone starts questioning you about her orientation say either "Did you want me to get her in here we can ask her?" or "Maybe you should be asking her that."

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[asterisk]]Try not to assume the 'asexuality is a disorder/doesn't exist' approach, but you don't seem to have that attitude. In fact I'm quite impressed by how much you want to support your sister.
I agree. This is pretty much the only thing that bothers me as an asexual, and that seems to uniformly bother asexuals. Other things, depends on the person.

Oh, and John Bayko, those were amusing. :lol:

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Personally, it takes a lot to get angry. I really don't see how anything could make me angry anymore except for that whole thing about this being a disorder. As the others said, it just depends on your sister's standing on everything - is she easy to annoy? easy to bother? Ask those kind of questions to yourself and don't make blind assumptions about what's going on with her. Otherwise I'd say you're well on your way to making good discussion out of this with her.

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  • 1 month later...
You can't really explain the handcuffs and whips though, so just act puzzled.

Aren't handcuffs to immobilize somebody somebody while you apply tickle torture? What else could they be for?

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The asexual should be approached with one hand outstreatched, palm up, below the face - a hand above the head is seen as a sign of agression. A light scratch under the chin or on the neck will make them feel comfortable around you. Maintain eye contact and smile, but avoid exposing teeth.

My favourite! :D

Mmmm tickle torture sounds fun.

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  • 2 weeks later...
If an asexual finds your dildo, refer to it as a "specialty rolling pin" and put it away in a kitchen drawer. Sterilize the drawer contents after they've left.

If you are overheard having sex, explain that you got an M&M stuck up your nose and were using "special breathing exercises" to expell it. Feel free to offer to show the candy in question - they will always decline to see it.

Arrange in advance for a friend to claim ownership of any pornography an asexual may find in your home, as they were "hiding" it from their partner.

Your studded leather play costumes are "old motorcycle gear". You can't really explain the handcuffs and whips though, so just act puzzled.

Erase that answering machine greeting that goes "Hi, if you want Kevin, leave a message, if you want a blowjob, usual place, usual time.".

The correct anatomical terms are "doodang" and "hoohah".

The asexual should be approached with one hand outstreatched, palm up, below the face - a hand above the head is seen as a sign of agression. A light scratch under the chin or on the neck will make them feel comfortable around you. Maintain eye contact and smile, but avoid exposing teeth.

I hope that helps.

ROFLOL!

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Yea I'm pretty thick skinned, very little will offend me in regards to things like that, even a friend of mine who is gay loves some really bad gay jokes. It actually annoys some people though because if someone is trying to insult me about being asexual I am more often than not just amused.

I've had similar things with people being overly worried about offending me over topics like dyslexia and depression since I've had trouble with both. I actually got told off by someone at college for telling a dyslexic joke when they didn't realise I'm one myself, they started going on about how insensitive I was being and how much a joke like that would hurt them, I thought it was quite funny really.

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  • 1 month later...

I know this thread is a little old but I felt like adding my own perspective. I actually find I have to restrict myself when talking about anything sexual. Y'see as an Asexual I fail to see the fuss around the whole so whilst others talk about sexual stuff in a "round about" way trying to be polite, I just end up saying "So you mean...?". *cue blank looks from someone daring to be so direct about it*.

I don't know what its like for others but I can be a tad blatant and sexual jokes fall totally flat with me as a result of me failing to see the fuss about it in any shape or form.

Its actually very amusing. :P

As a little afterthought, I'd say there isn't really any etiquette to follow. The Asexual community (here on AVEN) seems like such a diverse group of people that it becomes almost irrelevant. This is just my impression after a few weeks mind you.

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It really depends on each one personality.

About the jokes Simplexity mentioned, I hate sexual jokes, I always get them before the others and get so madly blushed it hurts my cheeks. And it just "helps" people understand what it was about....

Anyway, just to add on something that makes me mad: don't call me a woman. I don't know why but I get ofended. I'm a girl. A girl! lol

People are just so different from each other. But it is great you want to suport your sister. The one most important thing I would tell you is to keep her "secret". She is the one to know if she wants others to know it or not.

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I am trying to learn more about asexuality and am wondering if there are some do's and don'ts. I don't want to be rude to anyone. For example I know alot of gay people who call straight people breeders. Are there identifiers? Or are there things to stay away from in conversations. For example I know my sis hates it when people talk about children or having children (she didn't like children when she was a child). So I know (or should) know not to tease her about that. I guess what I am asking here is that I'm her sister, I don't know what is going to offend her or not. Maybe because I'm very comfortable in my sexuality, it's easy for me to talk about it. And it's difficult to be offended by comments about it. I don't want her to be lonely and I can see how relationships can be difficult if one person is interested in sex and the other isn't. I think its pretty cool she is asexual, its kind of punk rock in a way... so antithical to our social norms. Can I just ask how being asexy is treating her? Or if she has a special asexy friend? I have a friend who I consider to be an emotional lover, we are not sexual attracted to each other but she filfills my emotional needs. I want to be able to relate to her and not marginalize her.

I'm not following if you are asexual or if your sister is. Because the deal with not mentioning children around her has nothing to do with her being asexual.

I don't really understand how something can be 'punk rock' in a way. Do I have to learn a new word?

As far as I'm concerned (and this is just me) I just want to live my life. I don't care if someone believes me or not...if they don't believe that I'm asexual, oh well, I just know more than they do about it. I don't really want my asexuality to be an issue at all - especially when it comes to family. What should it matter around family?

Even as far as people outing me, I wouldn't care as much about someone knowing I'm asexual as I would just the fact that the person was so free with MY lifestyle.

I'm not interested in peoples sexual conquests and missions. I find it very rude to talk about them because when you start blabbing about who you did and where you did it...you are also telling the business of the partner and that's rude.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Kiki Asexual Superstar

For me personally, I hate when people ask me to justify why or how I'm asexual. :evil:

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