Is this an asexual thing or woman thing or both?

[Geekykitty]

17 hours ago, ElevenElysion said:

There was this one guy who came up to me in the station on a day I was not feeling good (saw some bad news on tv and accidentally saw traumatizing material) and a guy came up to me extremely politely and asked if he could have my instagram and I said no immediately and he apologized and he said 'just as friends' which are the magic words for me and I was already in fight or flight mode because of seeing that bad news so I just ran away

I think its weird for a stranger to just randomly approach someone and ask them out or for their instagram etc ....You were at a train station going about your day, you don't want to be bothered by people's advances! There are appropriate venues for people to seek out on dates - bars/clubs, online dating sites etc... Going up to random people at train stations is weird and rude.

[UsiresAedon]

As an ace male, I recall multiple situations where females would inappropriately hit on me and make sexual advances. It was particularly difficult for me. Basically, it felt like I wasn't allowed to set boundaries because as a male I should always enjoy sex according to society. I am definitely romantic, though. So if a girl wanted to go see a movie or out to eat, I would always accept. The problem for me was, most females that showed any visible interest in me only seemed interested in the quick and dirty sex. So after a while, I pretty much turned down these "dates" because I felt like they would always end in awkwardness and hurt feelings. I never felt afraid per se, but I definitely would feel uncomfortable. I definitely don't think what you are describing is a "woman thing," though I suppose there are probably a lot more ace females than ace males that deal with this at least statistically speaking. But the bottom line is, males can definitely feel creeped out/uncomfortable/want to run away in these types of situations. I know at least this ace male has felt that way before.

[ElevenElysion]

On 1/10/2023 at 10:42 AM, UsiresAedon said:

As an ace male, I recall multiple situations where females would inappropriately hit on me and make sexual advances. It was particularly difficult for me. Basically, it felt like I wasn't allowed to set boundaries because as a male I should always enjoy sex according to society. I am definitely romantic, though. So if a girl wanted to go see a movie or out to eat, I would always accept. The problem for me was, most females that showed any visible interest in me only seemed interested in the quick and dirty sex. So after a while, I pretty much turned down these "dates" because I felt like they would always end in awkwardness and hurt feelings. I never felt afraid per se, but I definitely would feel uncomfortable. I definitely don't think what you are describing is a "woman thing," though I suppose there are probably a lot more ace females than ace males that deal with this at least statistically speaking. But the bottom line is, males can definitely feel creeped out/uncomfortable/want to run away in these types of situations. I know at least this ace male has felt that way before.

I think I kinda of experienced like a virtual version of this when playing the Harvest Moon A Wonderful Life Remake. You're supposed to go through life raising a family and a farm until the end of your life. It starts where you have to find someone to marry. In the remake you can be nonbinary and marry any gender so I did that. And to get married you need a certain number of hearts (indicating their attraction to you). But there's also a friendship meter. So I just talked to everyone everyday, except for Mumu because I knew in the original game she was really easy to woo.

 

This time I avoided her, never talked to her, but her hearts kept going up. And she kept having 'heart events' (indication of a certain level of attraction) and everything she was doing was just to get my attention. LIke she ran to me for help when she thought she was being stalked. Turned out it was just her boss wanting to help her with groceries. She'd keep telling me about her breakups too.

 

It's just a game, but it reminded me exactly of girls I know who do this to guys.

 

And also I recently remembered when talking to my therapist that there was a girl who threatened to kill me because I didn't return the affection. I forgot that I told a teacher and I never saw her after that. I felt really bad for her though because she went through a lot, like a lot. The kind of stuff we wish never happens to high school kids, but it does. I hope she's doing well, though...but I don't have the emotional skills to help her deal with some of the stuff she went through (I remembered what she told me, I forgot that she had a crush on me and was scary about it)