Luna2017 Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 I know many people on here are on the aromantic spectrum so this might be the wrong place to ask, but as someone on that spectrum myself and constantly confused, I just wanted to ask those who have experienced them- what does a crush feel like for you? I know I feel some form of attraction but I'm never able to clearly identify what that is- I also think that having grown up with familial and societal expectations to experience romantic attraction and relationships, I think I "project" onto people sometimes. As in I'll feel some form of attraction but it doesn't fit what I think romantic attraction is supposed to be, but I'll sorta see that person as a "potential candidate" for someone I could have a romantic relationship with. It doesn't help that it's usually people I don't get an opportunity to talk to often or get to know, so I can't weigh up what I like about them. As an afterthought- is it possible to experience a crush/ romantic attraction on people before you get to know them? For me that doesn't make much sense, but I'm here asking the internet so what do I knowđ 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 Hi @Luna2017 Â One thing I want to say before talking about crushes just in case, is that crushes aren't necessary to experience romantic attraction or desire, and I would bet some people don't really get them. They'll also feel different for each person, like I didn't get 'butterflies' when I had crushes, or couldn't relate feelings to something that would feel like fluttering :P. Â I'm not sure how to describe the feelings but to me crushes are still strong feelings of attraction or liking someone, and they can seem wonderful and like it would be amazing or be a happy thing to be close to them (romantically if it's a romantic crush). And yes crushes can be formed even not knowing someone. This is because they're not usually based on knowing fully what the person is like, it's like the good qualities really stand out big and gaps that you don't know about get filled by the mind (subconsciously) from the wonderful things felt, or great potential or vibes to them. It's just emotional, it's not rational. Â It might be good to understand is that a crush is often infatuation, it's not love that develops from really knowing and bonding with someone. Which makes it looser and more temporary. But it can lead to attraction and those feelings can still bridge to love when someone gets to know and really like someone, with those driving more connection. So it can work that way, but someone can just as easily come to like someone naturally and want to be closer to them and then that developing to romantic love. Just like someone could look at it more intellectually like someone as a candidate to bond with that way. Â Crushes be cool, but I've also had bad experiences with crushes, where I learned it's important to be compatible, not just go off of impactful feelings, so I don't think it's a bad thing to think more on things like for a relationship 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Monke Jimmy Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 For me, it's like holding somebody else's puppy dog. It's super wholesome and gives a major boost of oxytocin, but at the end of the day you know that you have to give it back. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MinnieMouse Posted December 17, 2022 Share Posted December 17, 2022 On 12/15/2022 at 7:33 PM, Luna2017 said: I know many people on here are on the aromantic spectrum so this might be the wrong place to ask, but as someone on that spectrum myself and constantly confused, I just wanted to ask those who have experienced them- what does a crush feel like for you? I know I feel some form of attraction but I'm never able to clearly identify what that is- I also think that having grown up with familial and societal expectations to experience romantic attraction and relationships, I think I "project" onto people sometimes. As in I'll feel some form of attraction but it doesn't fit what I think romantic attraction is supposed to be, but I'll sorta see that person as a "potential candidate" for someone I could have a romantic relationship with. It doesn't help that it's usually people I don't get an opportunity to talk to often or get to know, so I can't weigh up what I like about them. As an afterthought- is it possible to experience a crush/ romantic attraction on people before you get to know them? For me that doesn't make much sense, but I'm here asking the internet so what do I knowđ When I have a crush I get lots of energy, want to be around my crush as much as possible. I also dream about holding her tight and am just... happy. Well, until I realize she's heterosexual which my crushes always are. đȘ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 I haven't experienced too many crushes in my life. The times I did experience them, I wanted to be around my crush all the time. When I thought of them, I just felt overjoyed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 For me, a "crush" experience would look like - wanting touch, feeling fond of them and I can even love them after barely interacting witht them. I might imagine kissing, might not. I might find them aesthetically good looking, even if their looks didn't trigger attraction at first. I might want eye contact with them, I felt that with someone, once. I usually avoid eye contact with people.  alternatively, there is the much lower experience of seeing someone attractive and wanting to look at them. I don't feel any desire to get to know these strangers, don't feel fond of them, don't know them at all, will never see them again. but it's the same attraction - for me, I'm either attracted to someone or not, there isn't a difference between "aesthetic" and "not" - when I like how someone looks, I do feel at least a small interest in them, an emotional attraction. But when it's small like this, all I want is to look - and so I wouldn't call it a crush, even though it is attraction.   (I put crush in quotes because I'm alterous, not alloromantic. An alterous "crush" would be called a "mesh.") Quote Link to post Share on other sites
a little annihilation Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 It feels like being completely obsessed with someone and like you'd do anything for them Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NerdyBirdy Posted December 28, 2022 Share Posted December 28, 2022 Iâm really not sure if Iâve ever felt a crush either. The strongest Iâve ever felt to one was to a guy in school many many years ago. I found him aesthetically very attractive and he was one of the only guys at school who wasnât loud and immature. He was also in a band and quite cool. I donât think I ever really thought about him when he wasnât around though but Iâd feel a jolt when I did see him. Id also feel sad as I knew he wasnât interested in me and had a girlfriend. The biggest thing I ever did relating to liking him was go alone to one of his gigs, hoping heâd notice me but also knowing he probably wouldnât.  To this day I donât even know if it was a real crush or not. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Thujaplicata Posted January 6, 2023 Share Posted January 6, 2023 I may have experienced a crush, but I only ever figured it out in hindsight and I'm still not sure. Romantic feelings, yes, crush? Who knows. But I certainly cared about her a lot. And it generally manifested as being happier just because she was there, wanting to see her when possible, being perfectly comfortable to just share a space in silence, and sharing endless stories about her with pretty much everyone. But then there's the fact that I also get absurdly proud and excited talking about my sisters and other friends. I'm a storyteller after all. So I don't really know. I wanted to see her every day, tell her about my day, hear about hers, etc. But I think I would have been pretty happy to be just platonic roommates forever as well. We cuddled and we needed that, but we were also touch starved so... That's not much help, but that's my experience. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HappilyEverafter Posted January 15, 2023 Share Posted January 15, 2023 Ha ha, I experience crushes often, and the funny thing is, it's more often towards fictional characters and celebrity figures. It's extremely rare that I develop a crush for someone in real life. Â But yeah, in both cases, it's exciting in multiple ways. Like they show in the movies. đ You're happy, thrilled, experience some hormones (or is it just happiness?), (I'm just sharing my experience, not saying this is how it's for others as well), you wish you could meet them or date them, you think they're really gorgeous, and all that. The classic "butterflies". đ LoL, I totally love a few fictional characters so much and feel romantically aroused whenever I watch them on screen. I know it's silly, but yeah, it's harmless, and I like it. đ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aafire Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 I know I have a crush when - I can't help but smile anytime you see them - I subconsciously think of them during a romantic song or movie - I want to spend time with them, talking or hanging out - not necessarily sexually - I find reasons to interact with them, or excuses to include them in group activities or something Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Arlo Posted January 22, 2023 Share Posted January 22, 2023 This is a subject I always come back to because part of me is like I donât know. I identify as an Aro/Ace spec person. I just kinda view it as what someone said about pornography. You know porn when you see it but itâs hard to define. once I understood that having a crush is NOT sitting down for a cup of coffee and never touching. I found I had not experienced a crush before. But when one hit me, it just ⊠was. I knew I just knew. It felt different then Iâd ever felt before. I did actually want to touch some one. I can feel different attraction to different people but Iâll know itâs not a crush. Everything is confusing and Iâm sure Iâll have another answer for you for a month from now, but hope this helps! â€ïž Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chris_error Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 On 12/15/2022 at 1:33 PM, Luna2017 said: what does a crush feel like for you?  is it possible to experience a crush/ romantic attraction on people before you get to know them? For me that doesn't make much sense, but I'm here asking the internet so what do I knowđ Crushes and romance tend to be overly idealized. Like rose tinted glasses, etc. Thatâs why thereâs the saying of âlove is blindâ Imo, it feels more âfloatyâ whereas platonic is more grounded. Romance tends to be more daydream-like. Platonic usually feels more equal, but romantic may put the other person on a pedestal. Thereâs often a desire to impress them or charm them in some way, with increased nervousness and worry about disappointing them. (I know people can want to impress their friends too on some level, but the end goal different, and itâs not as obsessive.) Platonic: Haha, they have a funny sneeze. đ Romantic: Omg, they sneeze like an Angel! đ (This may seem a bit exaggerated, not everyone feels romantic feelings as strongly as others. And the longer youâre in the relationship, your view of the person can settle into being more realistic after the crush or âhoneymoon phaseâ fades.)  Also, yes Iâve gotten crushes very easily before. Even just from either only seeing someone or only seeing hearing someoneâs voice. But when thereâs not continued contact, or something is revealed that breaks the idealization, the crush fades just as quickly as it appeared. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
winter solstice ćŹèł Posted February 6, 2023 Share Posted February 6, 2023 Your heart misses a beat when you know that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CincinnatiAsexual Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 On 12/15/2022 at 1:33 PM, Luna2017 said: I'll feel some form of attraction but it doesn't fit what I think romantic attraction is supposed to be, but I'll sorta see that person as a "potential candidate" for someone I could have a romantic relationship with. It doesn't help that it's usually people I don't get an opportunity to talk to often or get to know, so I can't weigh up what I like about them. As an afterthought- is it possible to experience a crush/ romantic attraction on people before you get to know them? For me that doesn't make much sense, but I'm here asking the internet so what do I knowđ Before I ever had a long-term relationship, I would kind of picture myself in my head with people that I thought might be interested in me as well. Not necessarily a crush, but really a desire to have someone to be in a relationship with. There were a few women who I was a little more pleased with aesthetically (the right height, the right hair color, etc), and those could have been mini crushes I guess, but I was never infatuated with them. I just wanted to have a chance to date them. It was pretty rare, like this happened with maybe 10 women in my lifetime. Most people I was just not interested in, so I always had a very small number of people to pick from as a starting point. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Unicorn Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 The podcast "Sounds Fake But Ok" did an episode about crushes vs squishes, and they concluded that one of the main differences for an asexual person (so ignoring a lot of the physical stuff) is that if the subject of the crush starts dating someone else, the person with the crush gets jealous and/or upset. This helped me figure out that I've never had a crush 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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