catrinac Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I haven't dated at all since my 20s and really not at all ever. I have no interest in meeting anyone. I did try to have a non sexual "relationship" in my early 30s. Lasted 4 years and at the end he admitted he found me average looking and opposed my rhinoplasty which led to a distasterous outcome. So no I could not even conduct a decent non sexual relationship because I am facially disfigured ("facially challenged", being added to the political lexicon in the near future) and wish to be left alone. If I felt prettier I might waste my life on a non sexual relationship but not likely. I am used to being alone and do not want to change my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
AVENCakes Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 I don't date, don't go to bars, haven't joined Match.com or EHarmony.com (or whatever). I'm just wondering if there are any other Avenites out there who drifting through life alone soley based on the fact that it seems impossible to find that one other person who believes there is more to life than sex. I'm basically just thinking out loud here.... I haven't since 3 years ago when I basically found out about sexuals, and recently decided that I refuse to date anyone that's sexual. I know that sounds harsh, but from what I've read of sexuals in a sexless relationship, it seems best for both parties. I'd be hurt that they tried to get me to do anything sexual, they'd be hurt that I wouldn't want to. Not that it can't work, or anything. I just hate the possibility of hurting someone, especially myself. ^^; If I found an asexual? Yeah, I'd be up for trying it, but I'd be just as fine with just being friends. I'm pretty much fine either way, just like hugs. (does that make me aromantic? I can never tell) Link to post Share on other sites
bbctv Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 i probably said this line before, but when i hear the word 'dating' i think carbon 14 and dinosaur bones. i've always (and most people i've known) got to know someone as a friend and then if they were inclined sort of decided they were a couple. i've never been on a date, or perhaps if the other person thought so i couldn't tell, being that 'dating' isn't a rite of my given culture or anything (i would have a hard time defining whatever weird subculture i'm in, other than that it may consist only of people i know.) i don't see doing something with a woman differently than if i'd asked some guy- it's telling someone i'd like to spend time with them and get to know them, but i'd hate to proclaim it a 'date' since i CAN'T KNOW IF I'M INTERESTED if i don't know the person pretty darn well. i know that for someone with different conventions that might almost sound mean or hurtful, but i'm pretty cautious and guarded about the whole relationship business. i don't want to ask someone on a date and SAY IT'S A DATE if i'm not sure i'm really inclined to get into a relationship with them- i'd rather not promise or suggest more than friends than make it seem like i might be interested and make the other person feel rejected. i've got a lot of close friends, and a lot of close friends who are female, and i love a lot of them dearly but so far i've never felt that it was a good idea to be more than friends. i look at dates as highly artificial. i don't do "dating" or "courtship" because both terms to me seem to imply some sort of mating ritual where both parties are obviously encouraged to not be themselves, or ditch each other even as friends if they turn out not to be a match. Link to post Share on other sites
catrinac Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Dating is pretty pretentious if you ask me. It's really an interview to see if you'd like to either have casual sex or a possible relationship, but mostly dating is about casual sex. People pretend that it's a type of courtship (a la olden times) when really it's not. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJudy Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I apparently don't grasp the concept of why an asexual would date? I would expect the question "Does anyone date"? on this site more than the question posed here. Dating is a "mating ritual" and if you aren't interested in mating why would you date? I dated a lot but I was trying to be something I wasn't, then I just went out with friends but since I got sober I don't even go out with friends because they are all drunks...ha ha Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I went out on no more than a small handful of actual so-called dates when I was younger, but I was constantly going to dinner and to movies or concerts and etc. with my friends. "Dutch" of course. :D I don't think the activity matters as much as the expectations that are associated with it, and my friends knew that I wasn't available for anything else. With no pressure or expectations we all enjoyed ourselves a lot more than we would have if we had been dating. -GB Link to post Share on other sites
Ziffler Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 I apparently don't grasp the concept of why an asexual would date? I would expect the question "Does anyone date"? on this site more than the question posed here. Dating is a "mating ritual" and if you aren't interested in mating why would you date? I dated a lot but I was trying to be something I wasn't, then I just went out with friends but since I got sober I don't even go out with friends because they are all drunks...ha ha I don't date for romance. But I can see where many would. Dating isn't just a "mating Ritual". There are Shopping dates, where friends get together to shop. There are Golf dates, where friends get together to play golf. There are family dates, where fathers especially will go out on a date with his children for one on one time. There are luncheon dates, and card dates and just ordinary freinds getting together dates. Dates can be purely social and not for mating. Just because we are asexual, does not mean we have isolated ourselves into oblivion. We can still be social people. Although I have to admit in my situation I am becoming more and more of a hermit. Link to post Share on other sites
Roland Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 The answer is no. I tried it once, and I had some fun but could never really figure out why there was any purpose to it (it wasn't giving me any emotional satisfaction at all), and so eventually I just gave up and blew off the girl I was hanging out with. I haven't regretted doing so since... Link to post Share on other sites
waterbear Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 Have never dated anyone (that I'm aware of at least). Link to post Share on other sites
goldenlady Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I don't date, don't go to bars, haven't joined Match.com or EHarmony.com (or whatever). I'm just wondering if there are any other Avenites out there who drifting through life alone soley based on the fact that it seems impossible to find that one other person who believes there is more to life than sex. I'm basically just thinking out loud here.... I don't date and never have. Never a real date, like you get dressed up and go to dinner and a movie or putt-putt golfing. I basically don't do shit but sit in front of the computer till that gets boring. I'm 30 but sometimes I feel 70. God help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Apollonian Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Haven't dated in over 4 years, and I have no inclination to change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow girl Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 I have never dated and really don't plan to. Link to post Share on other sites
chatha Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 I haven't been on a date in years. But... if I could find an asexual woman I might... Link to post Share on other sites
Deadboy Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 The word 'dating' (to me at least) implies sex. It is used in a very different sense to "let's make a date to go shopping" When two people are dating, that is a euphemism for 'they are having sex'. "I'm dating this guy" doesn't mean "we are playing scrabble and having lots of cake and hot chocolate" As far as I am aware, there isn't a sex-free version of dating so I guess we'll have to come up with a new term if we are talking about platonic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
bbctv Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 Dating is pretty pretentious if you ask me. It's really an interview to see if you'd like to either have casual sex or a possible relationship, but mostly dating is about casual sex. People pretend that it's a type of courtship (a la olden times) when really it's not. that's about what it seems to me. i 'hang out' with people i know - male or female - and i've never wanted to nor would i ever want to imply anything was a date. a 'date' seems like 'let me ask you on a date so that i can act phony and try to impress you by doing so.' i think relationships should progress naturally without pretense as well, and i also feel like you shouldn't get in a relationship unless you feel you know somebody. i guess a stable couple could do 'dates' in the sense of going out and doing something special, but i find the usual candlelight dinners and such other trappings of conventional romance seem lame to most women i know. i guess a 'date' would be spending time together where you wouldn't lug around extra company. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Hazels Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 I am on Indefinite Hiatus and have been from dating since Last April 27th. Link to post Share on other sites
bURR kEEF Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 I do not. There were a couple of passing flings in my early 20s, but nothing serious. After the last one, I realized that I had no interest in it. I like to go out. I like to be social. I have a nice sized circle of friends, but I like to go home alone. I haven't been on an actual date in about four years now. I don't miss it and I never want to do it again. What a bore. Link to post Share on other sites
Lunacy Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 I don't date at all and have no intention of doing so. I don't like dating because it's so romantic, and to me it feels like a waste of time. It gives me the impression that I'm being interviewed for a job. Link to post Share on other sites
noah-x Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 i' always have better thinks to do... like practicing with my bass guitar... or writing some scrip for a flash animation. etc. So... dating is not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Dating is definitely a big waste of valuable time. Link to post Share on other sites
Islander9 Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Never dated, but quite often go out with family and/or friends to events/occaisions/meals that are mutually congenial- Link to post Share on other sites
Penumbra Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Dating is pretty pretentious if you ask me. It's really an interview to see if you'd like to either have casual sex or a possible relationship, but mostly dating is about casual sex. People pretend that it's a type of courtship (a la olden times) when really it's not. I sort of agree with this. To me there seems something really contrived about the whole act of making appointments with a person to try and construct a romantic relationship with them. I do see it as courtship, but to me it's really bizarre, obtrusive and stress-inducing to put so much convention and strictly-applied ritual into the simple act of finding love for someone. Admittedly, I'm not good at social liaisons of any kind. For me the ideal romantic situation is to spend a prolonged time working alongside someone, to get to know them from observation as well as interaction. To me that would be the ideal way of learning what they really are. The word 'dating' (to me at least) implies sex.It is used in a very different sense to "let's make a date to go shopping" When two people are dating, that is a euphemism for 'they are having sex'. "I'm dating this guy" doesn't mean "we are playing scrabble and having lots of cake and hot chocolate" As far as I am aware, there isn't a sex-free version of dating so I guess we'll have to come up with a new term if we are talking about platonic relationships. The word does apply to 'non-romantic' appointments. And at AVEN we're out to redefine the basics of relationships, anyway. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Jazmin Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 The word 'dating' (to me at least) implies sex.It is used in a very different sense to "let's make a date to go shopping" When two people are dating, that is a euphemism for 'they are having sex'. "I'm dating this guy" doesn't mean "we are playing scrabble and having lots of cake and hot chocolate" As far as I am aware, there isn't a sex-free version of dating so I guess we'll have to come up with a new term if we are talking about platonic relationships. As an asexual, I find it kind of sad how it is like that. I wish that it really was just along the lines of "playing scrabble and having lots of cake", or just hanging out with the person. It disappoints me how in today's society, sex has become something that is an implied must-do even for a short-term relationship when dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Calime Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 If 'dating' in the general sense automatically involves sex then I've never been dating. The times when I met boys I never planned on having sex with them afterwards (the majority of them probably did - sorry to disappoint you guys -_- ). Well, my first nonsexual date was when I was 12, now I'm soon 27 so that makes about 15 years of nonsexual dating. :) Currently I hang out with two guys but all we do it drink a latte maybe have a muffin or something similar and chat about all sort of things, it often starts with study related stuff, linguistics, medieval manuscripts, language history, minority languages and other topics where most people would start yawning (uh, I guess that's the geeky version of playing scrabble and having lots of cake and hot chocolate 8) ) but it can be anything as well, sports, cinema, comedy, even beer *lol*. I feel at ease with them because they don't seem to see me as a potential bedpartner but as an equal with similar interests. I hope I'm not wrong about that. In the past it occasionally worked out with male students, but mainly with those who were significantly older than I was, post-graduate students etc.) Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 When I think back on my 30+ year relationship with a guy I really loved and wanted to be around, it's all tainted by remembering how I felt that the whole situation of sex was just up there waiting to land on me anytime we got together. It was hard to enjoy doing anything with him -- even just talking -- because I knew I was going to have to "pay" for it, that I would be required to show that I loved him by having sex; otherwise, he would feel rejected and he would reject me. Finally, I just couldn't afford to pay that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
HD Ready Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Long story short..... I don't date... It's hard to explain but while I do like women and get feelings of wanting to get to know them better. I've never actually pursued a girl I've never known and try to chat her up with any intentions of getting a date and certainly never sex. Most of my life I've been single and I enjoy being singe. With that said I'm sure I've been on many "dates" or rather outings that have been seen by others as dates. I'm not very good at being able to tell when someone is interested in me so if people usually want to go out I'll agree to it, lol but to me they're not dates. If I met the right girl.... then yes I imagine I'd date (assuming we'd be interested in each other) and yep, have picnics, make cakes/ muffins and play scrabble. Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornLady Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I don't date, don't go to bars, haven't joined Match.com or EHarmony.com (or whatever). I'm just wondering if there are any other Avenites out there who drifting through life alone soley based on the fact that it seems impossible to find that one other person who believes there is more to life than sex. I'm basically just thinking out loud here.... Have never dated, nor wanted to. I have friends. Link to post Share on other sites
summerain Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I quit dating for a very god reason (besides the sexual thing). Men i have met seem to think because i am not a slim, sexy, barbie doll that they can treat me as a person who is so desperate i will do anything to be wanted. I like to cuddle, kiss and all but sex is not something i want anymore. Never liked it or really wanted it but did to have someone to care for me or so i thought. I have always felt i was the only one that didn't care about sex. Glad to know there are others like me. dating sucks for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow girl Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I don't bother with that stuff Link to post Share on other sites
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