Do you get treated as immature or underdeveloped for being asexual?

[thylacine]

Detaining a 15 Y.O. girls for using a discount ticket?  That's ridiculous.  I can see why some people are nervous about cops.

[CincinnatiAsexual]

On 12/10/2022 at 6:19 PM, Picklethewickle said:

Once people reach a certain age we are often expected to have many relationships under our belts, to be in a committed relationship, or to be ready to settle down. 

 

Do you ever get treated as immature for not having "enough" experience or for not being interested in relationships? I'm at the asexually-awkward mid-point where I'm too old to be accused of being a late-bloomer but not old enough to be dismissed as too old for relationships. Sometimes I run into attitudes like "Oh, you decided to stay a kid forever!" or "You're so innocent and simple."

 

Has that happened to anyone else?

Yes. I had a woman at work who kept saying I was so non-committal because at that point I had never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. She didn't know I was asexual, but I'm sure she would have thought that by a certain age if I am not having sex I must be stunted.

[Picklethewickle]

1 minute ago, CincinnatiAsexual said:

Yes. I had a woman at work who kept saying I was so non-committal because at that point I had never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. She didn't know I was asexual, but I'm sure she would have thought that by a certain age if I am not having sex I must be stunted.

That was rude of her. It doesn't matter what a person's sexuality is, it isn't okay to judge people on the length of their relationships. People have their reasons for breaking up.

[Alienated Asexual]

A certain member of my family decided I was autistic and began to infantilise me soon after I began to be more open with her and after I told her I was asexual.  I also began to talk about a broader range of topics than the usual “children, marriage, career, weather & holidays” set.

 

I can’t be sure precisely why she labelled me as autistic, but it’s not a reason to infantilise anyone, be they ace or not.  But asexuals are frequently coded automatically as autistic, and vice versa.  It’s unfair to members of both groups.  I believe she told family to “ignore” me over lockdown rules when my father was very ill, then when I got upset over an unannounced visit, called it a “meltdown” and then scolded me down the phone for it.  When I tried to discuss it she was going on about my “routine being disturbed.” Just FY lady, seriously. 

My ex also began to decide I was autistic, but only after I came out as ace.

 

Nobody has ever suggested I’m autistic until after I told them I was ace, and then their behaviour towards me was almost one of doing what they want & ignoring how I felt.  Make of that what you will.  I consider it both acephobic and ableist behaviour.

 

 

[Picklethewickle]

6 hours ago, Alienated Asexual said:

Nobody has ever suggested I’m autistic until after I told them I was ace, and then their behaviour towards me was almost one of doing what they want & ignoring how I felt.  Make of that what you will.  I consider it both acephobic and ableist behaviour.

Their behaviour is so weird and problematic. I can't imagine how they thought it okay to draw these conclusions. Their ignoring how you felt in favour of what they wanted isn't just rude, it's selfish and creepy. I don't know why you and your ex broke up, but they sound like the kind of person to throw out of your life fast.

[Guest]

I get thought of as immature and underdeveloped for lots of other reasons (lack of romantic experience, still living with parents, unable to work etc) but not being asexual. 

[coyote55]

On 1/13/2023 at 5:45 PM, thylacine said:

LOL - yeah, it's cool.  And yeah, I routinely put up with other people's messes.  Oh well, that's life.

That seems true for me as well! Most of my friends and family are quite functional, but I have to wade in on stilts to help a few who are really in a swamp.

[In the Weeds]

I can relate to a lot of what folks have posted here. Definitely in my younger years people thought I was innocent and not yet an adult because I didn't have any real relationships. So in my late 20s, because I allowed myself to believe this nonsense and I wanted people to shutup, I pushed myself to "join the human race," got into a string of not-so-great relationships, and capped it off with an unsuccessful marriage I am trying to navigate my way out of now. Had I known ace was an orientation, and by the way, yes, it's ok that you don't desire sex, I could have avoided so much unnecessary grief.

My husband is one of only 2 people I've told about being ace and he likes to tell me I am an alien- it's not human to not desire sex. Makes my blood boil!! He doesn't like tacos, I think that sounds more like an alien to me!

[Picklethewickle]

1 hour ago, In the Weeds said:

My husband is one of only 2 people I've told about being ace and he likes to tell me I am an alien- it's not human to not desire sex. Makes my blood boil!! He doesn't like tacos, I think that sounds more like an alien to me!

Not liking tacos sounds like a fun new way to fish out the alien body snatchers! That aside, your husband is being a jerk about this whole thing to say that to you.

[In the Weeds]

@Picklethewickle Lol - It could be a pretty accurate metric, right?

 

Thanks, re: he's being a jerk. He likes to think nothing he says is jerk-like and it makes me crazy trying to make him understand, so I gave up. Honestly, even though it makes me sad to give up, I feel better in many other ways

 

Cheers! **holds up a taco***

 

 

[Reindeer]

On 12/10/2022 at 3:19 PM, Picklethewickle said:

Once people reach a certain age we are often expected to have many relationships under our belts, to be in a committed relationship, or to be ready to settle down. 

 

Do you ever get treated as immature for not having "enough" experience or for not being interested in relationships? I'm at the asexually-awkward mid-point where I'm too old to be accused of being a late-bloomer but not old enough to be dismissed as too old for relationships. Sometimes I run into attitudes like "Oh, you decided to stay a kid forever!" or "You're so innocent and simple."

 

Has that happened to anyone else?

From my experience I either treated like 

 

"Well, you just dont understand. Sexual desire only makes sense to none virgins" 

 

or 

 

"Treated like a worthless bachlor who is so fortunate for being single. I am so lucky to have no worries and not have to worry about a family or kids" (From bitter Married folks) 

 

Or 

 

Older folks 

"Why you not married yet, you need to settle down and find someone" 

 

Worst one is 

 

"Oh you are single, so am I! You must be on a market" and I gotten this from males and females and it drives me up the walls sometimes. 

[thylacine]

Something is really sick in this society when they handcuff a 15 year old girl for using a discount ticket.

[thylacine]

1 hour ago, Reindeer said:

From my experience I either treated like 

 

"Well, you just dont understand. Sexual desire only makes sense to none virgins" 

 

or 

 

"Treated like a worthless bachlor who is so fortunate for being single. I am so lucky to have no worries and not have to worry about a family or kids" (From bitter Married folks) 

 

Or 

 

Older folks 

"Why you not married yet, you need to settle down and find someone" 

 

Worst one is 

 

"Oh you are single, so am I! You must be on a market" and I gotten this from males and females and it drives me up the walls sometimes. 

I hate having to deal with all of the above.

[Reindeer]

1 minute ago, thylacine said:

I hate having to deal with all of the above.

Same, but society seems to have a vendetta against single people. As well as giving strong tax incentives to parents and married couples. Even though it seems a lot of married & with children are absolutely miserable and take out that bitterness on everyone else. I find this attitude disgusting but can not say my parents are not a prime example. My mother use to say how much she regretted having kids and how having us ruined her life. I not sure why us being born is such a problem. We never asked to be birthed. 

[spaghetti_and_meatballs]

On 12/10/2022 at 4:19 PM, Picklethewickle said:

Once people reach a certain age we are often expected to have many relationships under our belts, to be in a committed relationship, or to be ready to settle down. 

 

Do you ever get treated as immature for not having "enough" experience or for not being interested in relationships? I'm at the asexually-awkward mid-point where I'm too old to be accused of being a late-bloomer but not old enough to be dismissed as too old for relationships. Sometimes I run into attitudes like "Oh, you decided to stay a kid forever!" or "You're so innocent and simple."

 

Has that happened to anyone else?

I've been called innocent, but not really in an insulting way. I'm in my mid 20's so definitely old enough to be expected to have at least a couple relationships. I have told a couple co-workers and many friends, and I've been lucky to not (at least to my face) be judged over my lack of relationships (or desire to be in a relationship).

 

3 hours ago, Reindeer said:

Same, but society seems to have a vendetta against single people. As well as giving strong tax incentives to parents and married couples. Even though it seems a lot of married & with children are absolutely miserable and take out that bitterness on everyone else. I find this attitude disgusting but can not say my parents are not a prime example. My mother use to say how much she regretted having kids and how having us ruined her life. I not sure why us being born is such a problem. We never asked to be birthed. 

Yeah, society is simply not made for single people. The biggest thing I can think of is buying food at the store. I find most items sold at the grocery store are meant for couples or families. What am I going to do with 1 kg of meat for example? It ends up being that I buy the food for myself and eat the same thing for 4-5 days straight to finish it, where it would only be 1-2 nights if that same portion were consumed by a couple or family. Also, that's a horrible thing for your mother to say.

[Reindeer]

1 hour ago, spaghetti_and_meatballs said:

I've been called innocent, but not really in an insulting way. I'm in my mid 20's so definitely old enough to be expected to have at least a couple relationships. I have told a couple co-workers and many friends, and I've been lucky to not (at least to my face) be judged over my lack of relationships (or desire to be in a relationship).

 

Yeah, society is simply not made for single people. The biggest thing I can think of is buying food at the store. I find most items sold at the grocery store are meant for couples or families. What am I going to do with 1 kg of meat for example? It ends up being that I buy the food for myself and eat the same thing for 4-5 days straight to finish it, where it would only be 1-2 nights if that same portion were consumed by a couple or family. Also, that's a horrible thing for your mother to say.

People have kids for the same reason they get a pet dog 

Som people have them to cherish them 

Some have them to work on the Farm 

Some have them to kick and abuse 

 

I wasnt a lucky dog, but makes no difference. I cherish all children I have the privilege of dealing with.  Long as we take care of the future generation it will be okay.  

[thylacine]

On 4/11/2023 at 8:47 PM, Reindeer said:

Same, but society seems to have a vendetta against single people.

Yeah, absolutely, this is true.  Society treats single people like crap in so many multiple ways.

[simpleminded90]

I do by other men but not generally by women. But I think that may be more because of my homo-orientation ? I am not sure why this is the case tbh but really I do feel quite young anyway so it's OK. I'm rapidly going off men anyway and find it easier being just me ☺️

[Lilibulero]

On 4/12/2023 at 5:26 AM, spaghetti_and_meatballs said:

What am I going to do with 1 kg of meat for example? It ends up being that I buy the food for myself and eat the same thing for 4-5 days straight to finish it,

I really get this. And, those bogof deals where they only benefit large families. Even if you buy the meat and Cook it all,  there's finite space in the freezer.

[Piotrek]

That would require me having social interactions that go to the level of asking about personal stuff. Doesn't happen  

[Ivi]

I don't get treated as immature as an ace, maybe it's due to my age (also my age of realizing I was asexual and "coming out") and also my past, but who knows. But I've noticed that a lot of sexual people either try to "covert" me away from my asexuality, or then they downright pity me if I tell them I'm asexual. I don't like to be pitied for my asexuality, I feel more free when I don't have to be constantly sad about not having a romantic/sexual relationship. Sexual people tend to think I'm missing out on something great. But I'm not missing out, and I know what I'm not missing out on! 😄 I find the thought almost hilarious that I'd be missing out on the greatest things in life due to being asexual.

I had my family (daughter) with my ex, because I always wanted to have a child. So I'm not missing out on the motherhood aspect I always wanted either. I'm not missing my ex as a partner, he is a great father to our daughter and therefore like a family member to me, but I don't miss the romantic relationship at all. 

The only thing I feel I'm missing out on are good long-lasting platonic friendships, nice people I could meet every once in a while and have a deep friendship with. I don't *need* a new romantic relationship, I really long for good friends more than anything. This is very difficult for most sexual people to understand. Not everyone *needs* (or wants) a romantic partner, it's not everyone's number one goal in life.

Maybe if I hadn't had my daughter, I'd be looking back with sadness and feeling like I'm missing out on the motherhood aspect that I always wanted. But that's just me. Not everyone wants to be a mother/father either, and I can fully understand that too. I've always felt more family oriented (extended family) and friendship oriented by nature, than "romance oriented".

I think it's great for especially young people to now have a term for asexuality from an earlier age, and also a community/communities like this one. Maybe it will eventually put less outside pressure on the younger aces, when asexuality is becoming more heard of, more accepted even (especially in the younger generations). I mean that maybe asexual youth will know what they want from an earlier age, and hold onto it. I hope so. 😊

[OTC-X1]

I have family members that worry about me being "lonely" because I'm asexual. They also don't think a lot of my maturity in general, since I'm autistic, and their attitude toward that needs a lot of work. My married friends say they understand where I'm coming from without making me feel like an alien when I talk about being ace.

[Snittingnexttoborpo]

I'm 33, east asian. appearance wise, people might think i'm anywhere from a high schooler to a 25 year old.

Personality wise, i think i've always had this air of innocence or obliviousness about me. So i think thats also why people think i'm younger.
 

I just think, this must be what it feels like to be immortal 😂

[glaukopis_parthenos]

I have had my closest family members interpret my mental health issues as a result of not having a sex life. None of us really knew much about depression and bipolar when I first exhibited the symptoms at 19, and I wasn't aware of asexuality being a thing until last year (when I was 33).

 

So I had an interesting coming-out talk with my brother. When I said I'm asexual, he responded with "I know, I've noticed." 😅 Then I told him about my concerns with opening up to him because I remember him concluding back in 2011 that all my problems come from lack of sex, and he responded in the sincerest tone "Well, don't you think I've matured since then?"

 

🥺 It was a beautiful moment.

[Galilei]

I get treated this way for having a physical disability, so it is impossible for me to tell if I get treated more that way now i have come out as ace. it is honestly astounding to me the number of people who think it's a mental disorder though.

[_undeadserver_]

People keep thinking I'll "grown out of it" but I'm already an adult on my own with no nonsense feelings about romance :/ they all say i'll die a old cat lady and honestly that doesn't sound half bad!  

[Hide]

3 hours ago, _undeadserver_ said:

People keep thinking I'll "grown out of it" but I'm already an adult on my own with no nonsense feelings about romance 😕 they all say i'll die a old cat lady and honestly that doesn't sound half bad!  

I prefer the term forever single cat mom ❤️