How would I classify myself?

[TokenStrife]

So first and foremost, I still identify as a gay man. At least for now. I know I’d like to have a romantic relationship with a man, cis or ftm, I’m open to anything within the masculine spectrum. But over the last few years I have found myself less and less interested in sex with others.

 

Now, some background, I was very sexually active in my late teens and early to mid 20’s. I’m 33 now but in the last 6-7 years, I’ve become less interested in sex. It went from all the time to one in awhile, to only me performing oral on others and now to no interest in sex with other people. It has cost me two relationships and I’ve now been single for about 4 years because of it.

 

I still masturbate on occasion, not very frequently though as even that has dropped off a lot. I love looking a sexual art and fan art, it even turns me on a bit, but I still have 0 interest in sex with someone else. And I’m coming around to the idea that I might be some flavor of asexual(flavor is the term I use for things where a lot of classifications exist under a large umbrella lol).

 

But I am having a hard time reconciling how I was, how my mind is still just as perverted as it was, I still feel attraction to men, naked and clothed, I still rubber neck, I still love erotic videos and stories and art, but have 0 interest in sex with anyone else. And I’d still like a romantic relationship with another man.

 

Would I still be classified as asexual or some flavor under that umbrella? This is all new to me and I’d love some help or guidance on the subject to figure out how I’m feeling as a person and how I’ve changed over the years.

 

Any comment or help is greatly appreciated in advance and thank you.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hi. I recommend looking into graysexuality (gray-ace). It's a bigger label but It's how I identify. I can relate to your experience, since my interest in sex went down so much over the years.

 

I think that sexual desire is a big factor in orientation, so lacking it definitely connects with the asexual spectrum. Feel free to ask any questions too though too.

[TokenStrife]

See, I think a lot of the sexual desire I have now comes in the form of solo or even voyeur-istic activities. But the thought of trying to be with someone else fills me with such dread and anxiety that all I’ve done is avoid others in terms of any sort sexual contact. I will definitely look into that.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

15 minutes ago, TokenStrife said:

See, I think a lot of the sexual desire I have now comes in the form of solo or even voyeur-istic activities. But the thought of trying to be with someone else fills me with such dread and anxiety that all I’ve done is avoid others in terms of any sort sexual contact. I will definitely look into that.

Yeah there's tons on the ace spectrum that have fantasies or enjoy solo sex, it's more about when it comes to feeling drawn or not to sex yourself (with people).

Dread doesn't sound good, though if you lost interest in it then you have less reason to go through that.

[TokenStrife]

That's been my thinking lately. It's only been recently that I've been looking on Reddit and FetLife for asexual groups, and then I found the link to AVEN and figured why not? I'm a big fan of the saying, and forgive my swearing, "Fuck around and find out." lol

 

I appreciate your comments here though and I am reading through the grey-sexual forum section now.