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Am I asexual


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Hi. Ummmm. So recently I’ve been very anxious about whether I’m asexual or maybe demisexual. And I’m confused. It looks like this. I do find some people attractive and I feel like I would maybe want to kiss them. But I kissed one person that I thought I liked and it was terrible it was just disgusting and I felt like I was kissing a wall - but worse. But still I feel attracted to some people, but I’m scared that if I were to kiss them or just do anything sexual with them it would also be just disgusting. But I really have the desire to kiss people. Idk about sex because it just seems weird to think about that with the people I don’t even know that well. I also feel very uncomfortable with sex, talking about it or watching it in the movies. And in theory I would really like to have a sex life but in practice? When I think about how it would really look, it does seem a little disgusting. I mean it doesn’t feel very hygienic. Now, I’m 18, so maybe I’m just not ready yet? I’m also pretty sure I’ve been in love once, with my close friend. But we never did anything. So I don’t think I’m aromantic. But I don’t know about being asexual, cause I really do feel, or I think I do feel sexual attraction to people I’m close with I’m just not sure how it would look like in practice, I mean I might feel repulsed by sex if I was ever going to do it with someone and idk I’m just scared and confused but also maybe I just haven’t met the right person yet? And I only kissed one person so maybe it doesn’t have to define everything? That’s all. Sorry, I know it was very chaotic.

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Can you imagine yourself doing stuff with that friend or do you still get grossed out at the idea?

I also felt like I wanted to experience the same things when I was the same age and eventually they did happen. It was so underwhelming and I can honestly say I don't really want to do it again.

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Honestly, from what you've said, you're probably on the ace spectrum. You're definitely old enough to tell, and if you can feel sexual attraction, you probably would have known by now. The question I have is what kind of relationship you would want to have? For example, can you see yourself kissing a partner? 

Once you have that in mind, do you think that you would describe that as a close friendship, romantic relationship, something in between, or something else?

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23 hours ago, stdioh said:

Are you feeling sexual attraction to people who you don't know?

I don’t think so, I need to know someone for some time to feel that 

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20 hours ago, Monke Ilahi said:

Honestly, from what you've said, you're probably on the ace spectrum. You're definitely old enough to tell, and if you can feel sexual attraction, you probably would have known by now. The question I have is what kind of relationship you would want to have? For example, can you see yourself kissing a partner? 

Once you have that in mind, do you think that you would describe that as a close friendship, romantic relationship, something in between, or something else?

the problem is, I don’t know. I mean I would definitely want to kiss some people that I feel attracted to but I’m worried it would be the same as that one kiss I already had, I mean that I would just feel disgusted. And I think at the moment I would really like to have something that is friendship and romantic relationship at the same time, I mean I would like to be romantically with someone I know really well and I am close to. And then I really really hope that I can feel something while doing any sexual stuff with them, that I will be able to kiss them and enjoy it. But honestly I don’t know how it would look like in practice. I think I am on the ace spectrum I just don’t know how much.

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1 hour ago, jayyy1 said:

I think at the moment I would really like to have something that is friendship and romantic relationship at the same time, I mean I would like to be romantically with someone I know really well and I am close to. And then I really really hope that I can feel something while doing any sexual stuff with them, that I will be able to kiss them and enjoy it. But honestly I don’t know how it would look like in practice. I think I am on the ace spectrum I just don’t know how much.

You could think about a queerplatonic. A lot of people have relationships that are in between platonic and romantic in some way, and they're termed queerplatonic relationships (or QPRs).

I think hoping that you'll enjoy something is different from really wanting to do something. You could try dating if you really want (staying safe, of course), if you want to experiment with what you like. I would recommend just going with your gut. If you want to ask someone out, do it. If you want to kiss someone, ask. 

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2 hours ago, jayyy1 said:

the problem is, I don’t know. I mean I would definitely want to kiss some people that I feel attracted to but I’m worried it would be the same as that one kiss I already had, I mean that I would just feel disgusted. And I think at the moment I would really like to have something that is friendship and romantic relationship at the same time, I mean I would like to be romantically with someone I know really well and I am close to. And then I really really hope that I can feel something while doing any sexual stuff with them, that I will be able to kiss them and enjoy it. But honestly I don’t know how it would look like in practice. I think I am on the ace spectrum I just don’t know how much.

 

2 hours ago, jayyy1 said:

I don’t think so, I need to know someone for some time to feel that 

You def seem like you're demi-sexual. And all aces like different forms of affection! Some prefer kisses, some don't! And it's all okay and normal. And more importantly, kisses usually differ between person-to-person- At least, that's what I hear.  and as Monke said, consider having a QPR. Just go with whatever feels comfortable though! And remember: 
"If you feel like you're faking it, you're probably not faking it at all." 

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