Jump to content

Am I aromantic?? and how to cope


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone. I was hoping I could get help on this topic which no one seems to be able to help me with and I can’t really talk to anyone about.

 

Before I delve into this any further, let me give some context. I have a condition called PSSD (you can Google that) which basically made me asexual. I know that sounds impossible, how can a condition make you asexual?? But it did for me. Not only did I lose all my libido and feeling in my genitals, but I also lost all sexual interest. Like, seriously. Nothing turns me on anymore and I have lost all interest to have sex. There is no treatment or cure for this condition, which means I’m stuck this way forever.

 

Anyway, due to this, my new sexual identity is all figured out. What I’m having problems with now is figuring out my romantic identity, hence why I am posting on this forum. It is very common for PSSD sufferers to become aromantic as well as asexual, and I am afraid that might apply to me too. I haven’t had any crushes on anyone since I developed this condition, and when my doctor told me to download a dating app, I failed to find anyone that I could be attracted to. In general, I have found it very hard to be attracted to people since I developed this condition. There is only one person I think I might be attracted to romantically, but he’s a Japanese celebrity so my chances with him are basically less than zero. Also I am unsure whether, if in a fantasy scenario, I ever got the chance to meet him I might develop actual feelings for him. But I do get very happy and giggly when talking about him, which could indicate that I’m still capable of eventually feeling romantic attraction? 
 

That’s the first problem. The second problem is that, if I do discover that I am unable to have romantic feelings anymore, I am unsure how to live with that. In fact, I refuse to live with that. Ever since I found out that I might be aromantic, I have been racked with su*cidal thoughts and can’t see myself living as aromantic (or more specifically, cupioromantic) in the future. I know that there’s nothing wrong with being aro, but since I became this way because of a condition and have actually experienced crushes and romantic love before it just feels so much more painful. I have been a hopeless romantic all of my life so you can understand that finding out that I might be aromantic ruined me. I don’t know what to do, my therapist doesn’t know what to tell me anymore and I am very much depressed. I would appreciate any help that you would provide. Thank you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Somehow this ended up being longer than the original post. Huh. 

 

My (19-year-old man, oddly healthy in every way) experience is radically different from yours in many ways. I've known I'm asexual since middle school and have easily accepted that part of myself. I also consider myself grayromantic and have had crushes before. Being asexual in general has distressed me just because I've believed that it makes it impossible for me to be in a relationship (so far it's proven to be true, but my math about the future is likely to be wrong), but my romantic orientation has been a problem, too. 

My freshman year of high school I felt the strongest feeling I've ever felt towards one of my friends. Two years later, I recognized the same feeling for someone else. Both times, it completely changed the way I thought about what I wanted. A couple years later (just over a year ago) I felt something similar, yet markedly different. I developed a crush on one of my friends again, but it didn't change my thinking. I could see that a relationship would make me unhappy, and I didn't develop an idealistic version of her in my head. Maybe it's just because I've learned, but I'm kind of worried that now that my hormonal teenage years are coming to a close, that feeling won't be there anymore. This year I've managed to make plenty of really good female friends, and nothing. Maybe it'll come back one day, but I just can't picture it happening. 

 

There's a kind of tragedy in this, I think. That used to be the strongest feeling in the world, and it was an incredibly wholesome feeling, but it's not here right now, and it hasn't really been here for years. I think a similar feeling was a couple of times when people told me they had a crush on me; I really did wish I could feel the same and felt terrible that they weren't in a world where I could have felt that for them. 

At the same time, there's something kind of freeing about it. Firmly establishing that a friend and I are not compatible kind of enables us to free up our relationship a bit. There's one less thing we have to watch out for. Being aromantic is not superior to anyone else, but there are some benefits. For example, I can spend more time and money elsewhere. I can spend that time and money on my family and friends and still get rewarding connection. 

One thing that keeps me going is the idea that my life partner can be a dog. As soon as I have a stable job and work schedule, I'm going to rescue one and we're going to be buddies. You can always find love somewhere. 

 

4 hours ago, Dunya said:

my doctor told me to download a dating app

My (grad student) therapist told me the same thing last year. This isn't really good advice if they know you have low libido (people are only really successful with hookups and weed, or at least so I've deduced). You're better off finding friends somewhere else. 

 

4 hours ago, Dunya said:

There is no treatment or cure for this condition, which means I’m stuck this way forever.

I think that (as a psych student) the brain has a surprising amount of plasticity and potential for reorganization. I heard that in the famous example of Phineas Gage, a whole section of his brain was removed via explosives and a large iron spike. He lost a lot of his frontal lobe, and his personality completely changed. However, over time, his original personality gradually started to come back as the other parts of his brain began to make up for the part of his brain that is missing. The same thing can be said of amputees; the parts of the brain that were used for the amputated limbs begin to be used elsewhere, which can be a source for phantom pain (source). 

Basically what I'm saying is that, as cheesy as it sounds, you should never say never. Go through it one day at a time, and ask yourself what makes your life great. Is it your family or friends? A television show? Puppy videos on the internet? There's always some good in the world, if you're willing to look for it. Maybe you'll be aromantic forever, or not. Who knows? Who we love is rarely in anyone's control. Who we choose to make connection with is well within our control. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
On 12/1/2022 at 7:17 PM, Dunya said:

There is no treatment or cure for this condition, which means I’m stuck this way forever.

Hi, I'm sorry if it's not allowed to bump things from a month ago or if OP is inactive, but this isn't true. I made but later abandoned this account years ago because I temporarily felt as if I became aromantic/asexual as a result of PSSD. However, I've somewhat recovered, and I'm not the only person who has. I don't know if you use the Reddit community, but that place tends to be very negative and not a good space if you struggle from depression and other issues. I will disclose that I struggled with my sexuality pre-PSSD as a result of trauma (I consider myself allosexual but with a difference experience), but depending on how old you are, your assigned gender/sex at birth, how long you've been off the medication and how you ceased it (cold turkey versus tapering), your physical health, it's far from hopeless.

 

I tend to be inactive on this website, but I can talk about this with you in DMs if you want. I have different opinions than most (I assume) users of this site, if that's okay with you (I'm still okay with talking even if you disagree).

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...