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Hiya...its me but this is kind of worrying me


SabeSparklexoxo

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SabeSparklexoxo

The other day my parents thought I couldn't date. I'm ace but I'm scared I won't find anyone. Is this just a fear? Please tell me I'm wrong and there is hope. Thanks. 

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You can, and it's hard, and being asexual makes it harder, but of course there is still hope.

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Picklethewickle

Your parent's views sound like the same old pressure asexuals come across again and again: "Love = Sex, and Sex = Love. You can't have one without the other." By saying you can't date, they are taking choices away from you, and only because you aren't doing things according to the way they want to do things.

Asexuals get way too much backlash for dating, with people insisting you're obligated to have sex, or that you're cruelly withholding sex, all while those same people completely ignore the fact that sex is not the whole of a relationship or even the basis of strong relationships.

 

Asexuals do date, and they do form successful and happy relationships. It does mean having to come out to all your partners, and it does mean communicating needs and boundaries. Still, communication is an important part of any relationship. Any partner who insists that sex is an obligation in return for being graced with their presence isn't a good person to date anyway, regardless of individual sexuality.

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SabeSparklexoxo
2 minutes ago, Picklethewickle said:

Your parent's views sound like the same old pressure asexuals come across again and again: "Love = Sex, and Sex = Love. You can't have one without the other." By saying you can't date, they are taking choices away from you, and only because you aren't doing things according to the way they want to do things.

Asexuals get way too much backlash for dating, with people insisting you're obligated to have sex, or that you're cruelly withholding sex, all while those same people completely ignore the fact that sex is not the whole of a relationship or even the basis of strong relationships.

 

Asexuals do date, and they do form successful and happy relationships. It does mean having to come out to all your partners, and it does mean communicating needs and boundaries. Still, communication is an important part of any relationship. Any partner who insists that sex is an obligation in return for being graced with their presence isn't a good person to date anyway, regardless of individual sexuality.

Don't get me wrong, my mum is definitely trying to be more accepting. She didn't say that it was my dad. But it hurts...

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Picklethewickle

I'm sorry your dad hurt your feelings. Have a hug, and remember you can still have romance and relationships whatever your dad thinks. Other people will understand you, even if he doesn't.

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1 hour ago, Picklethewickle said:

Asexuals get way too much backlash for dating, with people insisting you're obligated to have sex, or that you're cruelly withholding sex, all while those same people completely ignore the fact that sex is not the whole of a relationship or even the basis of strong relationships.

Those people have a name, you know.

Spoiler

Sex weirdos. 😂

 

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Idk, I'm not sure it's actually any easier for sexuals to find people they're compatible with because there's a lot more to compatibility than sexual orientation. Look at how many couples are miserable and the divorce rate. Maybe it's easier in the sense they're not immediately rejected for not being sexually compatible, but if anything it's actually good that you have something to filter people out so you're more likely to actually develop a deeper connection.

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TheMostColorfullBlobs
4 hours ago, SabeSparklexoxo said:

The other day my parents thought I couldn't date. I'm ace but I'm scared I won't find anyone. Is this just a fear? Please tell me I'm wrong and there is hope. Thanks. 

I can tell you for sure there’s hope, being ace might make it a bit harder, but it’s definitely not impossible 

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4 hours ago, Picklethewickle said:

Any partner who insists that sex is an obligation in return for being graced with their presence isn't a good person to date anyway, regardless of individual sexuality.

 

2 hours ago, Nightbreed said:

you have something to filter people out so you're more likely to actually develop a deeper connection.

I think these are wonderful ways to think about this. 
 

You can absolutely date if that’s what you want. And if you need some encouragement you can find some relationship success stories here on aven. 

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Picklethewickle
23 hours ago, Nightbreed said:

Those people have a name, you know.

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Sex weirdos. 😂

 

Gah! I saw this post, and my first response was "I've offended someone again, haven't I?" and then I read the hidden contents. Way to make me laugh.

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