Vorenius Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 Hi, I am coming to terms with my belief that I may be asexual. I am a man in my early 40's who has tried to fit in for a long time but just don't feel I do. I have tried having sex but I don't enjoy the act, never have. I consider myself attracted to women and I am aroused by them, however there is no sexual desire, but I do like romantic relationships. Would this fall under asexuality? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EllieAly Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 I'm no expert, but it sounds like you might be. I can only speak from my own experience as being 24 and aroace, but I'd always get a "gut feeling" whenever I felt like someone was getting too close romantically/sexually or I'd convince myself I liked them but my brain would fixated on something negative - both would end up making me feel so uncomfortable I'd end up pushing them away. The one time I did get into a relationship (because I pushed those feelings down), it wasn't healthy but I convinced myself that I was happy because I was "normal". I never once initiated sex, I never enjoyed it. I would have rather done literally anything else. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 1 hour ago, Vorenius said: Hi, I am coming to terms with my belief that I may be asexual. I am a man in my early 40's who has tried to fit in for a long time but just don't feel I do. I have tried having sex but I don't enjoy the act, never have. I consider myself attracted to women and I am aroused by them, however there is no sexual desire, but I do like romantic relationships. Would this fall under asexuality? Any help would be greatly appreciated. yes, someone with no sexual desire but feels romantic attraction and feels arousal could be an ace if you feel that your arousal classifies as sexual attraction, that's ok! an orchidsexual is on the asexual spectrum, someone who feels sexual attraction but never feels that attraction translate into a desire for sex. it is said that arousal is not always attraction thugh. I personally identify as orchidsexual so it happens, and I feel that arousal, for me, is linked to sexual attracton. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
steel_quill Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 Welcome, @Vorenius. Maybe it'd be helpful to look into the split attraction model. TL;DR is that romantic attraction and sexual attraction don't necessarily have to go together (contrary to depictions in mass media). Someone may experience one but the other, or neither. There are many definitions of asexuality. Two of the most common are: experiences little/no sexual attraction towards others experiences little/no desire for partnered sex You know yourself best to determine whether these (or other) definitions apply to you. Arousal can be thought of as a physiological response to certain stimuli. Some asexuals do experience arousal (e.g., watching the "steamy" scenes in movies) but do not themselves experience the sexual attraction/desire that the other people do that would have led to such scenes. Does that make sense? I hope that helps. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vorenius Posted November 30, 2022 Author Share Posted November 30, 2022 Thank you everyone for all your help, I can now finally accept me for being me without trying to conform to society. This is my first step. Thank you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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