Who Was the First Person You Told?

[Frigid Pink]

"Friend"

[Jin Kisaragi]

My twin brother. He didn't really care, I don't really think anyone would..

[CopyFox]

My twin brother. He didn't really care, I don't really think anyone would..

Well I guess that's better than people putting you down for it. >.<

[Rivalee]

I 'came out' to my mom some years ago. At first, she didn't knew what asexuality was, but when I described that I wasn't interested in sex at all, she accepted it (maybe because she have become asexual herself the past 13-15 years).

Still, she sometimes jokes and says "you were my last chance in becoming a mormor (maternal grandmother)" but I just reply "well, you can always become a farmor (paternal grandmother)".

[CopyFox]

I 'came out' to my mom some years ago. At first, she didn't knew what asexuality was, but when I described that I wasn't interested in sex at all, she accepted it (maybe because she have become asexual herself the past 13-15 years).

Still, she sometimes jokes and says "you were my last chance in becoming a mormor (maternal grandmother)" but I just reply "well, you can always become a farmor (paternal grandmother)".

Wow, I've never heard those terms before. That's interesting.

[bydefault]

Sorry, I'm still in the closet and can't imagine telling anyone outside our little circle of online friends. I don't think anyone would understand. The closest to someone who might know is my ex-wife but, even when we parted recently after having sex very infrequently and not at all the last four years of our twenty years together, I still think she just saw me as a strange, morbidly shy and very low-sexed person. :(

[DavidG]

I think I've only outright said it here, though I've occasionally mentioned on other forums that I'm a member here.

[Eponeena91]

Well, I'm not sure if I am asexual or not... on one hand, I feel like I'm young, I've barely explored the world. But then on the other other hand, I feel like I should have felt something for someone by this point...

I did mention the idea to my mom during one of her long discussions [ie rants] with me about my lack of boyfriend; I said, in an effort to shut her up, "Maybe I'm just asexual or something"

Her response was, "But that's impossible, everyone is attracted to something... do you think there's something wrong with you hormonally?"

At least that conversation caused me research it further and led me here...

[Apollonian]

This site is the first place I've ever mentioned it.

[Midwoka]

I first came out to two (or was it three?) close friends and my older sibling as a group. I'm pretty sure one of them asked me about it ("I've been curious... What sexuality are you?"), and I just answered truthfully. Although the group was composed of more friends than family, I chose "sibling" because I may have just shrugged were they not there.

[Raisin]

I was going to say "this site," but then I realized that I never actually officially came out here. I just sort of jumped right in and assumed people would pick up on my asexualness based on the posts I made. The first person I actually, face-to-face, came out to, was an acquaintance. We were on a bus going to an event sponsored by the LGBT Alliance on campus, and it just happened to come up in conversation. A group of us were talking about how many people we'd slept with (or something), and I said, "Zero. And it's going to stay that way." Then one of the guys was kind of confused, because at first he said, "I'm sorry." And I tried to explain that there was nothing to be "sorry" about, so he assumed that it was a choice. And then I just sort of blurted out that I was asexual, and I told him what it meant, and he was confused, but then he just shrugged and said, "That's cool."

Anyway, yay for long-winded anecdotes. But to this day, he's the only person I've actually "come out" to. (Of course, tonight, I'll be coming out to the entire Alliance when I lead a discussion on asexuality... :o )

[Goonie]

a friend

[Seien Hananosei]

Hm... I can't answer the poll. I mean, me being asexual was kind of a running joke between my friends and I for as long as I've known them. I didn't actually know it was an actual term-- I just figured I was different. Aven is the first place I went to actually use the proper term, instead of 'I'm just not interested."

[BleedingThrough]

I first told people at this site. In real life though I told my mom first.

[bbctv]

back in high school my friends called me 'asexual' - i didn't TELL them, but they were the first to figure it out.

[goldenlady]

I told mamma. Mamma don't believe me. Mamma in denial. :(

[Angelica Soprano]

I told mamma. Mamma don't believe me. Mamma in denial. :(

Yeah, snap, but mine's pretty much a dumbass too, and never thought of anything but men! :)

[spoonsfromdenmark]

I told a friend through an e-mail. We were having a discussion about celibacy, which she thought was unnatural, after I told her about a Lewis Carroll biography I was reading at the time. I started researching asexuality because I had read a string of biography about people who were probably asexual, the biographers kept bringing it up. I told my mom like a week later, my sister two years later and my Dad last night. My Dad and my friend reacted the best.

[SteelBite]

A friend

[Beardless]

My parents. Both. At once. Whether they remember that is another matter.

Then came out to my housemates in the middle of an argument.

Then came out to a friend by asking her if she'd ever run across AVEN, and upon being asked how I'd worked it out, pointing out similarities (thus implying I was an A).

Then came out to anyone reading the LGBT facebook group for the organisation of some events last week (there was a debate on the site about Aness that had finished near enough, so I expressed disappointment and pointed them here).

Then came out to various people through those events.

I think that's everyone.

[brontide]

If I remember rightly, it was my mother, followed by my grandmother. They're the people to whom I'm closest.

[dir egal]

my ex-girlfriend, after she had tried to ... get active several times and i ... didn't react the way she expected me to....

[Guest the_random_squirrel]

mine was an acquaintance. it was just after i discovered the term 'asexual' and it just slipped out in a random conversation we had

[Member21883]

-

[Billie]

I've only discovered the asexual option quite recently, but it fell into place immediately. I have only told a friend of mine I've met through the internet and I'm planning on 'coming out' to a couple of close friends just as the exam period is over.

[In_Omnia_Paratus]

I was googling, read PrairieGhost's post of her essay about it. went EURICA and posted my welcome message.

so far I've told 3 friends and friends boyfriend :P

they all exepted it, especially my friends boyfriend which I didn't expect :D. although I think one of them just thinks its because I'm afraid of relationships. I am afraid of relationships but I think that being Asexual caused that :P not the other way around ahahhaa

[Hurricane Camille]

Surprisingly, when I think about it, the first person I ever told was my dad. (Which is funny because I really didn't get alone with the #$%hole.) I can't remember his reaction, but it was actually a little better than my mom's, I know that. She was the second person I told, and she's the one who started all the "nature makes it that way" and "you'll change when you're older" crap.

Dad's sexuality was often in question, too. Sometimes he was very heterosexual and even hid porno films under his bed. Other times he seemed to have homosexual tendencies. And other times he thought sex was disgusting.

Not to bash my dad, but since he has died, we have discovered compelling evidence that suggests he had multiple personalities. It was almost textbook! (i.e. weird memory lapses, dramatic changes in behavior and interests, mood swings, things that I used to interpret as lies or tricks that may have been honest three-second-later changes of opinion, etc., all coming after a major traumatic event in the Navy) We suspect that his different personalities had different sexual orientations, and one of those was a-sexual. Just an interesting discussion point, but back to the topic at hand...

Dad was first. Mom second. My sister third... I don't think I've told anyone else except a few counselors and teachers... Hmm...

[himynameis!]

i sort of indirectly told my best (internetty) friend a couple years ago when i thought there was something completely wrong with me, it was more a "i can't imagine having sex with anyone ever, that's not normal is it?" type thing, and i got "i'm sure you'll grow out of it when you find the right person" back from it and i just accepted i was a "late bloomer" (even though i am sure myself that he seems like the right person, our circumstances just aren't too great) but i suppose i didn't exactly explain it properly to him then. i haven't really been forthcoming about it to anyone else, i have told a couple of friends, but they appeared to be quite baffled by it (friend: "wow this guy is totally fit isn't he!" me: "i guess he is quite attractive" friend: "don't you just want to do him right now!?" me: "uhh. no?" friend: "BUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE!?" me: "well i'm not really interested in sex" friend: "of course you are, you're just saying that because you're shy and find things like that embarassing!" me: "SIGH")

[asexysjsfan]

Hmmm, hard to say. The only times I've mentioned the term "asexual" with regards to me was to a group of friends when I was drunk. There was a silence in the room that I wasn't expecting, and I really haven't kept in contact with them since . The other time was to my sister when we were driving in the car, that was a huge mistake. We only see each other a few times a year now, and we were both home for the weekend (Thanksgiving I think). She's made it a habit to ask me about girls ever since I left for college, and I was in a particularly blunt mood that day. I mentioned that I was asexual and asked her if she knew what it was, instantly hoping she didn't... she did. She was trying to cover her shock, and I'm pretty sure it got out to my mom... so I've been trying to smooth things over (I really don't want it getting out).

Ever since I was little though I've made random comments to family members about how disgusting sex was. They (esp. my mom) would always reply with "Oh when you're older you'll think it's beautiful" and you're just going through a phase.... NOPE!

[barefoot_mushroom]

I told my mom first, after having done a lot of thinking about why I strongly desire children but am uninterested in the preliminaries/prerequisites. I figured "asexual" was the most accurate term I could come up with. (This was before I was aware of AVEN.) I was surprised to find out that there is a whole community! While she didn't seem shocked (on the other hand, she is pretty unshockable), I am not sure she believes me. She is at least straightforward about this, but still sends me craigslist personals (admittedly, some of them are fun to read, like the one that started me jane, you tarzan, no wait, tarzan confused now) and suggested I respond to a casting call for a new TV show called "Arranged Marriage". However, when I told her, she is the one who mentioned there seemed to be growing interest online.

I have since mentioned it to people at church (since my church provides sexuality education to its young people and I thought this needed to be included -- they agreed) and recently came out to my boyfriend from high school. (I agreed to go to the prom since everyone went to an amusement park the next day.) His response was basically, well no wonder you weren't pissed off when I cheated on you! (Why should I be? He was honest about it and it's not like he was getting anything from me; I understand it is a need and desire for most people and teenage boys with ADHD impulse control problems aren't exactly likely to stay celibate.) My sister is still sure it is a response to trauma that I'll get over, and I haven't talked to my father or brother about it.