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Who Was the First Person You Told?


CopyFox

Who was the first person you told?  

  1. 1.

    • Father
      3
    • Mother
      37
    • Friend
      106
    • Sibling
      9
    • Teacher/Councelor/Therapist
      7
    • Extended Family Member
      3
    • Complete Stranger
      8
    • Acquaintance
      5
    • Pen-pal/Internet Buddy
      22
    • Boy/Girlfriend/Lover/Significant Other
      17
    • Work Associate
      1
    • This site was the first I've mentioned it
      61

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Someone said they were going to start this here when I used this poll in my welcome lounge message, but I haven't seen it yet. If it was already put up, sorry for doing it again.

So yeah, who's the first person you told, or tried to tell, you were asexual? For me, I'm pretty sure it was a complete stranger, someone I'd just met and would probably never see again. I just told them in casual way that I was asexual, the opposite of bi, and then watched for their reaction. If memory serves me, they were confused.

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Thanks for posting this! I'll be interested in the results. :D

Anyway...

I first 'came out' as it were, to the cousin of a girl who was in my drama group at my friends 18th. She lived far away. I have not seen her since. She was good practice though. :D

She said that she was fine with it, but after that it stopped us talking, so obviously she wasn't really. Meh.

I've told pretty much everyone I know now, except my parents. :x Must fix that...

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Depends on how you define "first." First person who I told I wasn't interested in relationships, a friend. More than one, in fact. First mention of asexuality, AVEN, because I had just found the term used outside asexual reproduction. First mention outside AVEN, more friends.

My immediate family knows now (although I think my mother still does not believe me), as well as some co-workers, but mostly friends.

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Depends on how you define "first." First person who I told I wasn't interested in relationships, a friend. More than one, in fact. First mention of asexuality, AVEN, because I had just found the term used outside asexual reproduction. First mention outside AVEN, more friends.

My immediate family knows now (although I think my mother still does not believe me), as well as some co-workers, but mostly friends.

Yeah, I don't think I used the term asexual at first either. I just said I wasn't interested in a relationship.

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That topic is taboo in my family. In fact, any topic related to sex or sexuality in general is taboo in my family.

So I paid good money to a bad therapist to listen to me... she gave me porno tapes to watch... "Here, maybe these will help."

God forbid I ever tell certain pastors. Whole churches would know... and I'd learn horrible things about myself via rumor I never knew I did:

"What do you mean I'm cross -cross-dressing in church?"

" ...What? But I couldn't have gotten an abortion, I'm a guy!"

[edited multiple times for humor]

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First person was a friend of mine, a druid who I have always placed a lot of respect and trust in. His reaction was "Oh, okay. That's good. We can't have the whole nation breeding like rabbits, afterall."

:lol:

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AverageGuyOnTheStreet

For me it came out in conversation with my psychiatrist. She just asked if I had any sexual relationship and I said I wasn't interested in that kind of thing so she accused me of being gay.

Next it was internet friends.

I've not come out to friends or family yet. But there's been a few occasions when I nearly came out to my best friend. He told me that all poetry should be about sex or death so I said I'll stick to writing about death because sex doesn't appeal to me.

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reverse_thrust

Well, it technically went on my blog first, but my mother is the first person I told face to face.

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For me it came out in conversation with my psychiatrist. She just asked if I had any sexual relationship and I said I wasn't interested in that kind of thing so she accused me of being gay.

Next it was internet friends.

I've not come out to friends or family yet. But there's been a few occasions when I nearly came out to my best friend. He told me that all poetry should be about sex or death so I said I'll stick to writing about death because sex doesn't appeal to me.

Dude, are you from the South like me? I find that in the South, when it comes to answering the question " :? Hey, Bubba, why ain't you done got somebody like the rest of us", people usually answer their own question for you with " :shock: Is you gay?" Then next thing you know, you're being accused of marching naked in a gay-day parade in Hotlanta. LOL. :lol:

:roll: If they don't understand it, it must be gay. But they're my people... I love 'em anyway.

(BTW, according to Rick and Bubba - I think, nude is when don't have any clothes on; naked is when you don't have any clothes on and you're up to something. LOL )

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think the first person I mentioned it to face to face was friend from high school. We went bar hopping on her birthday early in june... somehow I ended up bringing it up during a drunken restroom trip. It actually went over really well. After that was another friend about a month ago when we were discussing this past spring's "misadventures" and why there's no chance for recurrence from either party... kind of an "oh, btw... well since then..." sort of thing. He didn't even bat an eye though, and I think he kind of suspected it. And then there's one that I never actually told because he was already a member here and eventually figured one of my posts sounded a bit too much like me to be a coincidence :wink: ...and that's it. Just three friends. Four if you count the guy who originally brought the possibility to my attention, yet still continues to proposition me. He counts for nothing in my book, though.

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I think the first person I mentioned it to face to face was friend from high school. We went bar hopping on her birthday early in june... somehow I ended up bringing it up during a drunken restroom trip. It actually went over really well. After that was another friend about a month ago when we were discussing this past spring's "misadventures" and why there's no chance for recurrence from either party... kind of an "oh, btw... well since then..." sort of thing. He didn't even bat an eye though, and I think he kind of suspected it. And then there's one that I never actually told because he was already a member here and eventually figured one of my posts sounded a bit too much like me to be a coincidence :wink: ...and that's it. Just three friends. Four if you count the guy who originally brought the possibility to my attention, yet still continues to proposition me. He counts for nothing in my book, though.

Wow, you knew someone who was also here? Did you know he was a member, or was it completely by accident that you two found out? I've wondered sometimes what it would be like to meet someone and find out they're on here.

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I've wondered sometimes what it would be like to meet someone and find out they're on here.

I've never worried about that, although I have considered the possibility. The chances of anyone I know or who might know me actually taking the time to read are slim to none. Where I live it's all about outdoor recreation that usually involves either camoflauge or racecars. This is way too intellectual and way too sophisticated to care about for most of the people I know who know me. Most people I know don't even know what the word 'asexual' means, let alone care. And that's just sad to me :cry: , but also very freeing for me here 8) .

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  • 1 month later...

First person I told was a friend of mine who was also asexual. Can't exactly remember it, but I knew she was asexual and she knew I was asexual pretty early on, so we must have discussed it at some point. Probably ran like this.

Psmith: I really don't see the bother about relationships.

C: No, I don't either.

Psmith: You too? Awesome.

It's very much a non-issue among my circle of friends--and I think I prefer it that way, actually.

~Psmith

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First person I told was my friend. And then...another friend...and...another...basically I've only told certain friends. xD Oh, and my therapist, although I'm not entirely sure she believes me about being asexual. I have never told my parents, my dad would freak out as he is very interested in sex and would think something was horribly wrong with me, and I'd never here the bloody end of it. My mom would be okay with it I think, but right now I prefer to just keep it among my friends. They either support it or just act like, "hmn, that's nice, so how's the weather?" Those responses I can live with.

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]I did mention it on one of my posts over at Gaia Online briefly (when I still hung around there), only to have someone say that they were very skeptical of teen asexuals, since teens genrally aren't mature enough to make that sort of decision. Maybe some aren't, but I don't think that's true for ALL of them. I found it more ironic that a nineteen year old was telling me this... *rolls eyes* I'm towards the latter end of the teens myself, so I don't see the difference.

I think that's one of the most ridiculous notions out there. I mean, think about it. Your teenage years are supposed to be when your hormones are going crazy and everything--if you were even slightly interested in someone, that would be the time to notice it.

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]I did mention it on one of my posts over at Gaia Online briefly (when I still hung around there), only to have someone say that they were very skeptical of teen asexuals, since teens genrally aren't mature enough to make that sort of decision. Maybe some aren't, but I don't think that's true for ALL of them. I found it more ironic that a nineteen year old was telling me this... *rolls eyes* I'm towards the latter end of the teens myself, so I don't see the difference.

I think that's one of the most ridiculous notions out there. I mean, think about it. Your teenage years are supposed to be when your hormones are going crazy and everything--if you were even slightly interested in someone, that would be the time to notice it.

*nods* I'm glad to find someone else who thinks that. I've just always reckoned that, if I was going to be interested in sex at all, I would've been by now. I know things can change, but considering I've felt the same way about it for as long as I can remember, I can't see myself making a sudden switch. I've never understood why some people use that as a reason to doubt people who consider themselves asexual.

*Sigh* Yes, it's a really ignorant thing to do, blaming asexuality on youth. I think the only thing that can really convince most people is time. Perhaps if asexuality became more common knowledge it would be easier to convince those people of it. One of my friends was secretly thinking I was just too young, and when I told him about this site he apologized and told me that that was what he was thinking, but that now he was convinced. It was a little dis-heartening to know that he didn't believe I knew myself well enough to make the call, but it's good to know he believes and supports me now. Maybe some people just need it really laid out in black and white proof for them to believe.

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Only mentioned it here on AVEN so far. I think I'm finally comfortable enough with being asexual now to answer honestly should it come up. I do plan on coming out to my mom when I go home for Christmas. I can't be entirely sure of her reaction, but she's pretty understanding. And she knows that I'm pretty self-confident and know myself pretty well, so I *think* she'll believe me. I'm open to discuss it with her, as well, not just say "I'm asexual, and that's that". At this moment in time, everything I know and am points to me being asexual, but I don't want to close myself off in case it is all in my head. Being different has never bothered me, but I don't want to con myself into being someone I'm not.

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Wings of a Dream

I told my best friend first, just to test the waters XD When she was fine with it, I went on to tell family and other friends.

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Only mentioned it here on AVEN so far. I think I'm finally comfortable enough with being asexual now to answer honestly should it come up. I do plan on coming out to my mom when I go home for Christmas. I can't be entirely sure of her reaction, but she's pretty understanding. And she knows that I'm pretty self-confident and know myself pretty well, so I *think* she'll believe me. I'm open to discuss it with her, as well, not just say "I'm asexual, and that's that". At this moment in time, everything I know and am points to me being asexual, but I don't want to close myself off in case it is all in my head. Being different has never bothered me, but I don't want to con myself into being someone I'm not.

That's a good approach to take. Hope things go well with your mom. Usually people will accept it, even if they don't understand it. Sometimes it takes time and/or proof. I like pointing people in the direction of wikipedia. XP

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My mom and a friend were the first.

I'm not really one to speak of orientation. Especially since I get the ones who think its stupid or that I don't know what I'm talking about.

I was able to share it with my youth group without an issue and they were accepting and even knew about it.

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ooh, good thread.

I didn't, fully identify as asexual for at least a year after finding out about asexuality, partly because I felt I might be too young to know. I was 18. While I was questioning it, I talked about the possibility with online friends. Friends who overlapped with my online life found out that way, and they were good about it too.

The first people I really came out to up front were the girls in my women's group. I described how I wasn't interested in anyone without saying the word "asexual," and one of the girls said, "oh, you mean you're asexual?" It was amazing.

I still don't ever just say, "I'm asexual." I explain I'm not interested in sex, or interested in people sexually, or whatever. I think the concept's more important than the terminology, at first.

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I can't remember if I outright told my friends. I just remember in middle school when everyone else started to get sexually attracted to others and I never was. My friends just accepted that and started using the term "asexual" for me. It's more like an unspoken rule. The only time I specifically remember telling someone else I'm asexual (besides on this site), was to my mom. We were talking about one of my sister's friends who is a lesbian and my mom suggested that she thought I was, so I had to clear that up.

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ooh, good thread.

I didn't, fully identify as asexual for at least a year after finding out about asexuality, partly because I felt I might be too young to know. I was 18. While I was questioning it, I talked about the possibility with online friends. Friends who overlapped with my online life found out that way, and they were good about it too.

The first people I really came out to up front were the girls in my women's group. I described how I wasn't interested in anyone without saying the word "asexual," and one of the girls said, "oh, you mean you're asexual?" It was amazing.

I still don't ever just say, "I'm asexual." I explain I'm not interested in sex, or interested in people sexually, or whatever. I think the concept's more important than the terminology, at first.

I can agree with you on that. Besides, using a word doesn't tell people much. You would have to give them the definition anyway. So giving the definition first and then explaining what it means seems a better way to go about the whole thing.

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I first had name to put to it about 4 days ago when I found this site, and about 4 hours after finding this I talked to my girlfriend/partner (primary-F) about it, and 3 or 4 hours after that, I told my boyfriend/partner (primary-M). Still trying to pin down my other 2 significant others about it hehe (both are long distance, and getting them on the phone/IM during the week is sometimes an adventure!)

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