Lets all be honest here rant ( i know another one)

[SabeSparklexoxo]

Whats wrong with gentlemen? Like am i the only one who doesnt swoon over 'bad boys' and prefer 'nerds'??? Like why do we even call them that? Like whats wrong with  guy who treats you right? If he does he mkaes top husbando list no???? 

Yeah im finished. It just annoys me no woman ever told me to date a nice guy like wtf. 

[a little annihilation]

well I'm not into men like that but I think both kinds of men have their own attractiveness. And I know that if I were into men I'd like them both equally.

[SabeSparklexoxo]

1 minute ago, løvely said:

well I'm not into men like that but I think both kinds of men have their own attractiveness. And I know that if I were into men I'd like them both equally.

Dont get me wromg im sure its not black and white but there are some toxic guys i see and im just like....why?

[AspieAlly613]

Wait, that's an actual thing?  I thought that was something that horny single men made up to try to explain why women didn't find them attractive.

[Ceebs]

I'm not big on the word 'gentleman' lol, but I'm really not into guys who will screw me around and play games, and 'nerd' has literally always been my type. I can't really do non-nerd since I'm a massive nerd myself lol. I gravitate to people with a somewhat warped and dark sense of humour, but that's the closest I get to 'bad boy' lol. I really need someone who's kind and reassuring and compassionate who makes me feel safe and secure. 
 

My partner and I just had this conversation like an hour ago, about how things would've gone if we'd known each other as nerdy band geek teenagers...

 

Him: 'Obviously actually speaking to each other would've been impossible, apart from maybe during band practices.'

 

Me: 'Yeah no that would not have happened. If you said something friendly to me I would've smiled and said something really fucking dumb back to you cos I wouldn't have been expecting you to say words at me and then I would've blushed and wanted to die.'

 

Him: 'Unless I hit on some interesting facts about Bix Beiderbecke or someone like that.' [He's a jazz musician from the early 20th century. Beiderbecke I mean... not my partner lol.]
 

Me: 'Then I would've got excited but forgotten everything I knew about the topic and not said much back and then gone home and written something in my diary about you and looked up your parents' address in the telephone book and gazed at it and memorised the phone number.'

 

Him: 'So so nerdy.'

 

Him: 'I would've probably explained to you about chord inversions and voicings and things.'

 

Me: 'That would be weirdly hot and I'd get so flustered that my brain would shut down in terms of actually comprehending the information because all I'd be aware of was that my body felt warm and fuzzy and a bit squirmy. Although possibly I would tell you some random French horn facts.'

 

Him: 'French horn facts would be fascinating.'

 

So, you know... nerd is definitely my type lol.

 

Aaaaanyway. I guess the bad boy type is exciting to some people. I really don't have much patience for people who are... for lack of a better word, bland. I need emotional intensity, I need lots of laughter, I need intellectual stimulation, I need to be able to be vulnerable and open and real with someone and receive the same from them, I need to be able to talk about dark fucked-up shit. I need passion. And you can have all that with people who aren't going to screw you around. Danger isn't fun for me (I've had a relationship that felt kind of dangerous at times and certainly messed me up emotionally, although that person was female), but intensity is absolutely essential. Intensity and stability really can coexist.

[Lichley]

People get enticed in by the thrill of something new. Tired of all the people nearby being into the same things, wanting to have a different experience. They like the idea that they’re choosing a more daring path, that they alone have managed to spark the interest of someone so mysterious and unknown. The fantasy that the bad-boy would melt his cold heart for them and them alone. The attention of someone who is wanted by many, but only cares for you. Y’know the text book stuff they put in movies. 

 

 People can be wary that someone who starts off charming is either a nice guy who will throw a tantrum when you say no to sex after they give you the minimum amount of respect, or a narcissist who is trying to love-bomb their way into a relationship. There’s a lot of people out there who pretend to be nice to get something out of you, so when someone is honest about themselves it can feel to some like they’re more genuine a person and that they have a decent understanding of what they’re eating into rather than risking something unknown.

 

That’s not to say any of these are healthy beliefs, the first is built on a fantasy perpetuated by various romantic media, and the second is likely a result of negative encounters influencing someone’s perception of other’s behaviour, but that it can be understood in this day and age why these trends have a tendency to occur.

[Ceebs]

4 minutes ago, Lichley said:

...a narcissist who is trying to love-bomb their way into a relationship. There’s a lot of people out there who pretend to be nice to get something out of you...

Yeah, overly nice in an obsessive way is a massive red flag. The person may or may not be an actual narcissist, but if they're love-bombing you and you feel caught up in a whirlwind with someone who apparently really really really wants you... especially if they don't even really know you that well yet, generally it turns out that they want some sort of fantasy of you that's just filling a specific psychological need in an unhealthy way.

[chris_error]

I just like men 

in general 

[Rain dancer81]

I do look back at some of the nice guys who were trying to get my attention when I was younger and wish I would’ve pursued them. It was a weird if they want me, I don’t want them kinda thing. I was played many times by the ‘bad boys’. It was me trying to make them fall in love with me but in the end they only wanted sex. The number 1 reason nice guys put me off over and over again was just constantly texting and calling me and smothering me. I don’t do well with smothering. So if your a nice guy don’t be OVERLY available in the beginning. Gave me weird stalker vibes 
 

Saying that, I did marry a nice guy in the end. He was supposed to be a one night stand but he kept sending me flowers until I caved and finally gave him a date because I was a poor college student and he offered me a steak dinner 😆 

[DoggieDangerous]

4 hours ago, SabeSparklexoxo said:

Like am i the only one who doesnt swoon over 'bad boys' and prefer 'nerds'??? Like why do we even call them that?

I find the "nerd" labeling offensive, especially when the IT management team at work like to throw it around so freely.  I'm more of a "geek."  😅 

[Ceebs]

Interesting, I'd rather be called a nerd than a geek. To me, nerds are more just kind of... I dunno, really into a particular topic (or several), often people who do a lot of reading and researching, that sort of thing. In my days at school it was definitely an insult though, don't get me wrong. Nerds were smart kids, usually those who weren't overly concerned with things that would've made them more popular if they did care about them (like listening to the 'right' music, wearing the 'right' clothes, whatever). To me, geeks are people who -- while they might share some things with nerds, like facing some social ridicule -- are quite into tech things... computers in general, gaming, coding, often seem to be into sci-fi type stuff too. I don't give a crap about any of that, and while it doesn't bother me of course if a partner has some casual interests that I don't, I'd be driven nuts by someone who lived and breathed tech geek stuff, spent large portions of their time gaming, whatever.

[daveb]

I'm definitely in the nerd camp too. I am one and the people I tend to gravitate to usually are as well.  

[SabeSparklexoxo]

2 hours ago, Ceebs said:

Interesting, I'd rather be called a nerd than a geek. To me, nerds are more just kind of... I dunno, really into a particular topic (or several), often people who do a lot of reading and researching, that sort of thing. In my days at school it was definitely an insult though, don't get me wrong. Nerds were smart kids, usually those who weren't overly concerned with things that would've made them more popular if they did care about them (like listening to the 'right' music, wearing the 'right' clothes, whatever). To me, geeks are people who -- while they might share some things with nerds, like facing some social ridicule -- are quite into tech things... computers in general, gaming, coding, often seem to be into sci-fi type stuff too. I don't give a crap about any of that, and while it doesn't bother me of course if a partner has some casual interests that I don't, I'd be driven nuts by someone who lived and breathed tech geek stuff, spent large portions of their time gaming, whatever.

To be honest, i am under the 'nerd/geek' category because im interested in a lot of things most women my are arent. Like i want to self study python for example.

[SabeSparklexoxo]

5 hours ago, chris_error said:

I just like men 

in general 

I dont see why it cant be that simple like no one understands why i would love trans men its so stupid.

[SabeSparklexoxo]

6 hours ago, Lichley said:

People get enticed in by the thrill of something new. Tired of all the people nearby being into the same things, wanting to have a different experience. They like the idea that they’re choosing a more daring path, that they alone have managed to spark the interest of someone so mysterious and unknown. The fantasy that the bad-boy would melt his cold heart for them and them alone. The attention of someone who is wanted by many, but only cares for you. Y’know the text book stuff they put in movies. 

 

 People can be wary that someone who starts off charming is either a nice guy who will throw a tantrum when you say no to sex after they give you the minimum amount of respect, or a narcissist who is trying to love-bomb their way into a relationship. There’s a lot of people out there who pretend to be nice to get something out of you, so when someone is honest about themselves it can feel to some like they’re more genuine a person and that they have a decent understanding of what they’re eating into rather than risking something unknown.

 

That’s not to say any of these are healthy beliefs, the first is built on a fantasy perpetuated by various romantic media, and the second is likely a result of negative encounters influencing someone’s perception of other’s behaviour, but that it can be understood in this day and age why these trends have a tendency to occur.

Thats interesting, my ex was a lot like that but he wasnt a bad boy....this is the thing i feel like i attract toxic guys 

[SabeSparklexoxo]

6 hours ago, AspieAlly613 said:

Wait, that's an actual thing?  I thought that was something that horny single men made up to try to explain why women didn't find them attractive.

Lol i wouldnt be suprised

[SabeSparklexoxo]

Just now, SabeSparklexoxo said:

Lol i wouldnt be suprised

Like i hope i find a guy whos nice but also ace lol xD

[Guest]

I consider a "gentleman" to be kind, gentle and compassionate so yeah I definitely want a guy like that rather than a bad boy. Even sexually, I'm attracted to a guy who treats me like a gentleman would, lots of communication and asking questions like "would you like me to do x or y?" or "what would you like me to do?" or "does that feel good? Am I doing it right?" and actually saying "thank you" after sex. Definitely prefer that to a dominating bad boy. Each to their own. But alot of women like the thrill of a bad boy. I'm attracted to fictional "bad boys" - rebels, rogues, morally grey anti-heroes and hot villains - but that's fiction, fantasy; in real life I don't want the same kind of guy. 

[SabeSparklexoxo]

3 minutes ago, Black-purple-grey said:

I consider a "gentleman" to be kind, gentle and compassionate so yeah I definitely want a guy like that rather than a bad boy. Even sexually, I'm attracted to a guy who treats me like a gentleman would, lots of communication and asking questions like "would you like me to do x or y?" or "what would you like me to do?" or "does that feel good? Am I doing it right?" and actually saying "thank you" after sex. Definitely prefer that to a dominating bad boy. Each to their own. But alot of women like the thrill of a bad boy. I'm attracted to fictional "bad boys" - rebels, rogues, morally grey anti-heroes and hot villains - but that's fiction, fantasy; in real life I don't want the same kind of guy. 

Yeah I can understand liking fictional characters. But real life? Nah. I'm not interested and even repulsed by sex but I understand what you mean. If a guy asked me whether he could like kiss/hug/hold my hand that would make me happy. Like if he still asks during like holding my hand etc that makes it even better for me as id feel a lot more comfortable. It means the world if a guy does that because then you know he cares.

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, SabeSparklexoxo said:

Yeah I can understand liking fictional characters. But real life? Nah. I'm not interested and even repulsed by sex but I understand what you mean. If a guy asked me whether he could like kiss/hug/hold my hand that would make me happy. Like if he still asks during like holding my hand etc that makes it even better for me as id feel a lot more comfortable. It means the world if a guy does that because then you know he cares.

Exactly. He's taking the time to consider how you feel, if you're enjoying yourself, if you're comfortable instead of just assuming. If a guy asks you if he can kiss you before he moves in to do it, I think that's very very sweet. Same with hugs, handholding etc. But I think most people just sort of go for things and don't ask, maybe because they'd feel awkward or they just assume things. Same applies to women too though. Shouldn't just be up to a guy to be a gentleman, women can ask things first and treat their partner how they want to be treated. 

[Broken Doll]

Hmmm.

I would just love my future husbando for who he is, not because of what he is.

I would love and accept him with all his flaws in good times and bad. I mean. Isn't that what love is all about?

I'm not perfect myself so why would I demand a perfect gentleman? 

 

[SabeSparklexoxo]

1 hour ago, Broken Doll said:

Hmmm.

I would just love my future husbando for who he is, not because of what he is.

I would love and accept him with all his flaws in good times and bad. I mean. Isn't that what love is all about?

I'm not perfect myself so why would I demand a perfect gentleman? 

 

True but what i mean is that i prefer someone who is kinder in comparison to someone who's toxic and plays hard to get.

[SabeSparklexoxo]

1 hour ago, Black-purple-grey said:

Exactly. He's taking the time to consider how you feel, if you're enjoying yourself, if you're comfortable instead of just assuming. If a guy asks you if he can kiss you before he moves in to do it, I think that's very very sweet. Same with hugs, handholding etc. But I think most people just sort of go for things and don't ask, maybe because they'd feel awkward or they just assume things. Same applies to women too though. Shouldn't just be up to a guy to be a gentleman, women can ask things first and treat their partner how they want to be treated. 

Lol i guess i'm one of those women then-I ask guys i like out, pay half for dinner, buy chocolate for their moms...etc XD

[chris_error]

6 hours ago, SabeSparklexoxo said:

I dont see why it cant be that simple like no one understands why i would love trans men its so stupid.

Yeah I’m a trans guy, I like trans guys or non-binary people also.

[SabeSparklexoxo]

Just now, chris_error said:

Yeah I’m a trans guy, I like trans guys or non-binary people also.

Exactly. I think its the soul and personality above everything else. Like non binary people have feelings too ya know! I like non binary too. Because I am as well? Not sure whether its the same thing as being genderfluid? is it? this stuff is new to me.

[chris_error]

2 minutes ago, SabeSparklexoxo said:

 I like non binary too. Because I am as well? Not sure whether its the same thing as being genderfluid? is it? this stuff is new to me.

Yeah, genderfluid is a type of non-binary. I have a genderfluid sibling and a genderfluid cousin lol. Some use trans as a label too but some don’t. 

[SabeSparklexoxo]

1 minute ago, chris_error said:

Yeah, genderfluid is a type of non-binary. I have a genderfluid sibling and a genderfluid cousin lol. Some use trans as a label too but some don’t. 

ah cool i have one too lol XD you have discord?

[chris_error]

3 minutes ago, SabeSparklexoxo said:

ah cool i have one too lol XD you have discord?

Yeah sure what’s your account I’ll add you

[nickolekuebler]

13 hours ago, SabeSparklexoxo said:

I dont see why it cant be that simple like no one understands why i would love trans men its so stupid.

I think that people should stop judging someone else for who they like. I am trans féminine non binary, and I want to be in a relationship where both partners are equal and respect/love each other. I don’t understand why the rest of the world should have a say in that at all. 

[SabeSparklexoxo]

28 minutes ago, nickolekuebler said:

I think that people should stop judging someone else for who they like. I am trans féminine non binary, and I want to be in a relationship where both partners are equal and respect/love each other. I don’t understand why the rest of the world should have a say in that at all. 

love is love!