Jump to content

Sensual attraction? Grey-asexuality? I'm very confused


Recommended Posts

Hey there,

Okay, let me preface these questions I'm about to ask with a little bit of background information.

First of all, I have a predominantly queer (and neurodivergent) friend group. We show affection a little differently than I think most friends do. We hug, cuddle, spoon and give each other kisses on the cheek or forehead etc. But we also, sometimes, share chaste kisses on the lips. That is mostly when we are a little tipsy, but sometimes not. But for my sake, that's where it ends. Never want to make out with my friends. And never want to have sex with anyone.

 

But lately I've begun sometimes, uh, 'fantasizing' about making out. Sometimes it involves a person I know, sometimes not. The reason I'm using the term 'fantasizing' loosely is because I, literally, do not know what it means. In these circumstances I'm talking about, I am usually making a conscious effort to imagine these things. Maybe because I'm trying to see how it makes me feel? How they make me feel? So I'm not sure if it counts. But these 'fantasies' always stop before anything explicitly sexual happens, they involve pretty much anything *around* sex, but never the actual act. It's usually not from my own perspective either. But I don't know if that makes a difference.

 

So my question is really, what the hell is this? Is this sensual attraction? Altrous attraction? Sensual desire? Curiosity? Grey-asexuality? Me just wanting to want it, because of internalized aphobia??

help

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Eutierria
1 hour ago, Nimothy said:

We show affection a little differently than I think most friends do. We hug, cuddle, spoon and give each other kisses on the cheek or forehead etc. But we also, sometimes, share chaste kisses on the lips.

I've only ever had 1 friend try this on me & it confused the heck out of me as up to that point, I thought these things were reserved for a romantic partner only. 

 

1 hour ago, Nimothy said:

Sometimes it involves a person I know, sometimes not.

If it's someone you know - maybe you're playing around your mind whether you would enjoy those sensual interactions with this person or questioning whether you're developing an alterous or romantic feeling for them ? 

 

If it doesn't involve someone you know, are you experiencing 'skin hunger' / 'touch starvation'? 

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Eutierria said:

I've only ever had 1 friend try this on me & it confused the heck out of me as up to that point, I thought these things were reserved for a romantic partner only. 

 

If it's someone you know - maybe you're playing around your mind whether you would enjoy those sensual interactions with this person or questioning whether you're developing an alterous or romantic feeling for them ? 

 

If it doesn't involve someone you know, are you experiencing 'skin hunger' / 'touch starvation'? 

 

 

Well that's the thing isn't it. I'm very much not lacking 'touch'. I'm very touchy with my friends. The touching I'm thinking about is a bit different though. Not something I'd want to do with a friend exactly.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're aren't the only one who does a bit of fantasizing from time to time, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. You're just trying things out in a way that's comfortable and safe for you. If you don't want to do it for real that's fine.

 

The question you should be asking yourself is ''what are you trying to learn from the fantasy?'' Do you feel physically comfortable with it? Are you wondering how it feels emotionally?  Do you think about how your relationship would be changed in that situation?  View it as a hypothetical 'what if?' and see how its goes for you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...