Guys

[RileyA]

You ever run into ace/grey/demi guys who just have this really shitty opinion of men?

 

Like:

Quote

"I'm not a horny, abusive creep and it even takes me a while to warm to someone, that's why I am not a sexual". 

It feels like their belief that all "normal" men are this way, and therefore they must be "abnormal". I'm using those specific words because it feels like they feel they're abnormal for not being that sort of mindless monster.

 

It feels like an acceptance:

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"Men are this way, and I am definitely not, therefore I am a different man"

It feels like something extra to me, rather than just a misunderstanding abour sexual people and how we vary. It's a bit like if a woman with a libido assumed she cannot be cis because she has a sex drive. She thinks that women don't have those so she can't be a normal woman.

[AavaMeri]

I haven't personally met those kind of people but hoo boy. What kind of sexual men they have met? It sounds sad, actually, thinking they are middle of monsters as sexual men together make a large share of human population. I could understand if someone nopes out of ideologies or organizations, but being male (or any gender) is neither, and neither is experiencing sexual attraction. 

 

While thinking of sexual attraction feels very off to me, on logical level I'm aware of that sexual attraction is a thought that people either act on or don't act on. Civilized people know how to deal with it. A bit dark comparison to this is that I may get an urge to slap a person who I find particularly infuriating, but I know that slapping someone has consequences and I need to evaluate if it's worth it (99% of the time it isn't, self-defense is an exception and even then there are better techniques). Less darkly, I may get an urge to hug someone or just anyone, but even a positive action has consequences and limiters (my target may not want to be hugged, I may not want to hug just anyone).

 

A tiny tiny grain of truth with this "I don't want to be like this kind of man" is that there IS the toxic masculine culture about how men should do about sexual attraction. It's a twisted philosophy built on insecure egos and misogynist attitudes, but it definitely doesn't mean that it's biologically hard-coded into men, despite how it might sound like.

Marginally related: I do wonder sometimes if my "am I a demi-woman" feelings stem from my disinterest to adhere feminine stereotypes. 

[Ceebs]

Sort of yes. I've come across people who identify as asexual or 'asexual spectrum' because they're not super duper horny, like to get to know someone first, don't care about physical 'hotness' too much, and say things like 'I value people for who they are, not for sex'.

[SorryNotSorry]

I don't have a particularly high opinion of most other men, but then again I don't have a favorable opinion of human beings in general.

 

For me though, this stems more from how someone treats others or expects to be treated by others, than sexual issues per se.

[RileyA]

16 hours ago, SorryNotSorry said:

I don't have a particularly high opinion of most other men, but then again I don't have a favorable opinion of human beings in general.

 

For me though, this stems more from how someone treats others or expects to be treated by others, than sexual issues per se.

 

Yeah, the thing is, part of toxic masculinity is being socialized to believe you are a better man than everyone else and they're beneath you. The female version is "women don't like me, I only get on with the boys". It's a version of internalized misogyny. 

 

It isn't actually that different to why a man might think his desire for emotional intimacy alongside sexual intimacy makes him a more enlightened (and ace/grey) person.