hurtful - specifically, something uncalled for

[Guest]

have you said something hurtful? do you think you could again?

[Starry Sky]

Yes and yes. I will always make mistakes and say things I regret no matter how careful I am

[Ceebs]

Oh for sure I have. I try really hard not to these days. Learning to avoid that as much as possible is part of emotional maturity, IMO. I certainly don't say things with a premeditated intention to hurt, at least.

[Guest]

I have undoubtedly said hurtful and unnecessary things in my life to others that I shouldn't have, and whilst I try to make sure that I don't say such things, I am unfortunately only Human, and it is highly likely that at some point I will again say something hurtful that I shouldn't.

[Monke Jimmy]

I usually don't just out of anger, but sometimes my family will be joking around and all of a sudden one of the jokes is accidentally too real. 

[daveb]

Intentionally? Not in a long long time.

Unintentionally? Probably more times than I care to admit?

 

I do try to learn and not repeat the same mistakes.

[Another Sky]

Yes, I've definitely said things in the past that have hurt other people, and after that suffered from a guilty conscience in my heart, saying "I'm sorry... sorry about it".

I experienced what goes around comes around then. 
Now, I'm very careful. When I say something hurtful to others by accident, I don't ask for forgiveness, but just apologize. I don't know if that is correct. 

[aexo]

Yes. I've said hurtful things to people I care about in a moment of extreme anger/sadness. I am not the type to lash out, never have been, and I still deeply regret that moment even though it's long passed and I've since been forgiven. People make mistakes but that doesn't mean we can't grow from them. I've been much more careful since, even though I've only ever done that once.

[StarryNightTogether]

Yes, I have said some hurtful things that I regret. I've come a long way in that regard. I realize that when I'm feeling that way, it's best for me to be alone and process things. That way I don't say anything I regret. Do I still sometimes say hurtful things to people? Yes, occasionally I still do. However, it's not my intention to hurt anyone. I will always apologize and try to heal the rift. 

[Cakes]

There's been very few times I've said something hurtful intentionally. I've been told I can be quite blunt whereas in my mind, I'm just being honest. 

Sometimes in the heat of the moment, I may say things that are hurtful.

[Jordan...]

Yes and yes. Sometimes hurtful != wrong, and I will not tiptoe around a topic.

 

For example, my fiancee is almost the complete opposite to me on the emotional scale and makes hurtful comments easy to come by. 

Context:

For me, it takes a hell of a lot of effort to get me "emotional" in any way.
3 days before a long international drive I back into a wall and smash my rear light? *shrug* Let's hope I can get a replacement in time (I didn't, but luckily tape was enough to last until we got back). 
Client pushed the deadline for go-live forward by a week, changed half of the project at the last minute, and different team members are saying different (conflicting) things? *shrug* Their problem, not mine.

Mum calls me out of nowhere and asks me to drive her 2 hours to see my very ill grandad, less than a day after returning. *shrug* Ok, more notice would have been good, but you can't drive at the minute so no problem.
About 10 minutes from getting home, get a call from my brother to say my grandad passed away. Ok... Finish driving home, keep the news to one side, and keep calm. The news was inevitable, but when you get back, then you can have a cry.

For them, it doesn't take much to get emotional.
Someone raises their voice just a tiny bit (e.g. the level you'd raise it to to get above the noise of a conversation), they'll cry.
Someone says something like "We need to have a word about what you're doing", they'll panic
You ask "What did you do that for?" (in a sarcastic tone) when they do something wrong, they'll start apologising/panicking/crying.

 

So to get back to your question, I have said stuff that was hurtful to them without even realising it.

When they broke something (I can't remember what) "Well done, that wasn't a smart thing to do, was it?" (in a typical sarcastic tone) - This upset them greatly

When they were doing something very inefficiently and I wasn't in a good mood, I said something like "If you thought about it before doing it, then you would do it like this" - My tone wasn't great, but what I said wasn't wrong.

 

If what I had said was wrong, then maybe I would have apologised to them for these things. I apologised for making them feel bad, but not what I said.
The first time was them still not being fully used to British culture, so my comment came off as insensitive to them back then. But I think they're used to that now.

The second was something I wouldn't budge on. What I said was correct. The way I said it wasn't nice, and I apologised for that, but if the words hurt them, not my problem.

 

I have had this issue with a few people in the past. I don't enjoy being mean/nasty/etc. But if what I am saying is factually correct, I don't care if it hurts your feelings or not.

[Guest]

I've said really stupid hurtful things in the past, mostly as a teenager. I once said something hurtful to my boyfriend at the time because I believed in always being honest in a relationship but it affected his self confidence and it was the wrong thing to say. I don't think I could ever say anything intentionally hurtful, I don't think I've ever done that in my life, even to people who were hurtful to me. 

[iff]

@binary suns

 

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iff, Census Forum Moderator