Painful Pap Smears Due to No Sex

[GingerRose]

The medical organisations say pap smears shouldn't hurt and just cause a little discomfort, but I don't think they're taking into account the people who have never had penetrative sex before. Another look at asexuality being hidden in medical service. 

 

Can anyone relate to extremely painful pap smears as people who have never had sex?

[Crazy Cat Lady]

I have been told (by doctors) if you've never had sex, you don't need a pap. So, I've never had one. One of the perks, I think.

[sirenian]

I've been told that I could start later (as a result of not having had sex) but my Dr. was very clear that when I reached 35, it would be time, and lo and behold, at 35, there we were.  Her point was that younger people are mostly screened for stds, which wasn't a concern for me, but that as we get older, abnormalities can develop for other reasons, and its important to check it out.

Anyhow, it was very very uncomfortable throughout, and intermittently painful during.

I would not describe it as "extremely painful."  It has been a long time, so maybe I'm just mis-remembering, but my memory is that I absolutely did experience pain, but that it was more like "scratching a sunburn" level of painful: really acutely uncomfortable in the moment, decidedly unpleasant, but not excruciating.  

I guess I've tentatively decided to wait a full ten years before the next one, so I am not due again quite yet...  

 

 

(to be fair, it's also important to remember that there's not a direct correlation (in either direction!) between people who have not had sex and people who are asexual.  So I'm not sure that this is a case of ace erasure.  And anyone performing this kind of exam should start by asking  some basic questions about their patient's sexual history, because it's relevant no matter what the answer is, so it's hard to imagine that this information  wouldn't come up.)

[Shoro]

For me it depends on who’s doing it. Some doctors are rough and it hurts more and others are more careful about being gentle with the tool. Either way it’s awful.

[Eutierria]

2 hours ago, GingerRose said:

don't think they're taking into account the people who have never had penetrative sex before. Another look at asexuality being hidden in medical service. 

 

Can anyone relate to extremely painful pap smears as people who have never had sex?

Have had it done twice (different locations). Both times I screamed the place down - I'm a quiet person so it jarred. I willed myself not to but pain is pain & now I realise it was my body's way of saying this is not OK. 

 

First time was a gynaecologist - she looked at me as if I was a nuisance & got exasperated. She ended up using a child-sized (I hate the reason these exist - it makes my heart die a little every time I think about it) speculum on me. She even showed me it as if to say 'Look how small it is, this shouldn't hurt.' The waiting room was behind a wall, I left feeling really embarrassed. I'd hoped my first experience wouldn't have felt so traumatic. There was also a nurse there & a trainee Dr. Felt like 3 vs 1 & when laying down, that's a really vulnerable position to be in. They did ask for consent for the trainee Dr & I understood the importance of training medical staff so I'd agreed. Tbh the trainee seemed to be the most empathetic that day. 

 

The 2nd time was with a GP. She didn't seem to be concerned about my level of pain either when the involuntary scream escaped. She looked surprised I had that reaction. She did ask me if I'd ever been raped. The waiting room for this place can be seen when the door is opened. I felt really embarrassed leaving then too as the people waiting to be seen probably heard me scream. 

 

I'd mentioned that I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis which has fused some of my organs together but she said for what she needs to look at, that shouldn't affect it. 

 

I'm already dreading the next time I have to go. 

 

No medical staff has ever believed me when I've told them I'm not sexually active. 

 

[GingerRose]

2 hours ago, Crazy Cat Lady said:

I have been told (by doctors) if you've never had sex, you don't need a pap. So, I've never had one. One of the perks, I think.

I was told that when I was young, but when I got older the doctor said I should still have a pap because cervical cancer isn't just sex related.

[kelico]

I've had many done in my life, all because of the severely painful/heavy periods I was having. Even though I told him I'd never had sex, that didn't matter. Still had to get it done to make sure I'm healthy and nothing irregular down there. I would say that they are uncomfortable each time, but only once it's been painful. I think it just depends on the person...I won't go into details, but a lot of things factor into how it feels, and not just whether you've had sex or not.

[Reindeer]

2 hours ago, GingerRose said:

The medical organisations say pap smears shouldn't hurt and just cause a little discomfort, but I don't think they're taking into account the people who have never had penetrative sex before. Another look at asexuality being hidden in medical service. 

 

Can anyone relate to extremely painful pap smears as people who have never had sex?

Have you considered that is a possible medical reason its more painful for you? Also if your doctor is too rough I think you can request someone a bit more gentle. Procedures like this for males and females can sometimes be uncomfortable and I have heard of people requesting a different doctor since some doctors were too rough. 

[Galactic Turtle]

2 hours ago, Crazy Cat Lady said:

I have been told (by doctors) if you've never had sex, you don't need a pap. So, I've never had one. One of the perks, I think.

Same here.

[verily-forsooth-egads]

I've only just reached the age where they're trying to convince me to get one. Can't wait to have an argument about it every single time I go to the GP for the rest of my life. It's not happening. Period. No, seriously. End of conversation. No, seriously. Yes, I'm sure. Yes, I understand the risks. No, I'm not getting one. Not today, not next time, not with you, not with a different doctor, I will not get one here or there, I will not get one anywhere.

 

And the worst part is the more uncompromising and tired of the conversation I sound, the more sure they'll probably be that they can change my mind.

[Fangorn]

I haven't had one and never will. My last doctor tried to convince me to get one, even though I'm not even at the age when it's recommended. I switched doctors and they haven't brought it up yet. I couldn't even wear tampons when I had periods. I know the risks, but I don't think it will ever be worth it for me.

[Sally]

I had sex for years and despite that, pap smears were always painful.  

[Philip027]

I was with my spouse semi-recently (maybe about a year to two back) when they got this procedure done for the first time.  They hadn't had penetrative sex before, yet it seemed smooth and painless. 🤷‍♂️

 

I'm gonna guess that if there is pain, either there is a medical condition at play or whoever's doing the procedure is incompetent/insensitive.  I would think more often than not it would be the former, but based on how many horror stories I hear about incompetent/insensitive doctors & nurses doing this sort of thing, I'm not convinced that I'm correct.

[everywhere and nowhere]

I fully and absolutely refuse any examinations of this kind. Nobody's gonna see or touch my intimate parts and it's a non-negotiable issue for me. I am willing to take the risks and I would honestly rather die than undergo this kind of examination. There will be no compromises about my nudity aversion.

That said, I have also read that:

8 hours ago, Crazy Cat Lady said:

if you've never had sex, you don't need a pap.

Most cases of cervical cancer are caused by the HPV virus. Plus, it's not like iatrogenic damage is impossible - which means that in low-risk cases, screening might do more harm than good. My advice for fellow celibate asexuals is to take a two-step approach. First: do you have a family history of non-HPV cervical cancer? (That said, I realise that you might not know it.) If so, it might be prudent to perform testing anyway. Second: how do you feel about the examination? If it causes you a feeling of extreme discomfort, dread, terror, you really are not obligated to overcome these feelings. As long as you accept the risks, you have a right to fully reject such invasive examinations in the name of your intimacy. And this overrides the previous point: it is only applicable if your level of discomfort about the procedure is manageable.

[Ceebs]

6 hours ago, Eutierria said:

No medical staff has ever believed me when I've told them I'm not sexually active. 

Not really the point of the thread, but I totally get why that could be irritating to asexuals who aren't sexually active. About eight years ago now I was at the hospital once, I think the issue was primarily a gastrointestinal thing, and the ER doc asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. Totally fair question, no problem there. I was still in a relationship with my asexual ex at the time and we'd stopped having any form of sexual interaction a couple years prior to that, and I straight up said I hadn't been sexually active in a few years and that my husband and I didn't have sex. He didn't believe me and ran a pregnancy test in the bloodwork anyway... I mean whatever, do what you want... and sure I guess I could've been shagging someone else... but I remember thinking why on earth would a 29/30-year-old married woman say she hadn't been sexually active in quite a while and that she and her husband never had sex if it wasn't true? Not like I was a 14 year old kid trying to hide the fact that I was doing something my mum would get angry about. And how many sexual people would openly declare they had a sexless marriage if it wasn't true? Like I say, do what you want, doctor... but it irritated me a little, especially because he gave me a weird smirk.

[Philip027]

Dunno why they even bother asking if they were going to test anyway.  And if they just sneakily threw in a test when I did not consent to it, I would honestly be looking into the viability of a malpractice claim.

 

I already would take severe issue with anyone who just outright disbelieved the things I said about myself, but anyone in a professional setting doing that?  They can go get completely fucked.  Like, that would have been "angrily storm out" material for me.  That's basically exactly what I ended up doing with the first therapist I ended up seeing back around when I was close to turning 30 and getting my depression diagnosis.  Dude basically seemed convinced I was there for a different reason than what I claimed, so basically that was just a big nope.  Never went back.  Pro tip to the wannabe therapists out there: your patients aren't going to want to open up to you when you are scrutinizing everything they say.  Try actually listening to them; it's kind of your job.

 

I would respect a doctor/nurse way more if they were more honest and just said "to cover our own asses legally, we gotta do X if you want Y..." instead of asking a probing question that they (think they) already know the answer to.

[Guest]

I've never had one. The nhs in the UK doesn't perform routine pap smears or pelvic exams the way they do in America. The only smear recommended is the cervical cancer screening for people over 25. Because I've never had sex I don't want the cervical smear because a virgin's risk of getting cervical cancer is very low. Risk of false positives and therefore unnecessary treatment is higher. I had to sign a form though saying I understood the choice I'd made to not have screening, and the nurse at my gp practice told me "you still need it" even as a virgin, which really riled me. Screening is a choice, even if you have had sex, and the word "need" shouldn't be used. I still get two letters every year inviting me for screening despite signing the form. Anyway, you can actually ask for a smaller speculum if you want a smear. They use smaller ones for people who haven't had sex. If it's still hurting, tell the nurse or doctor who is examining you and they should hopefully be more gentle. 

[Shoro]

1 hour ago, Ceebs said:

Not really the point of the thread, but I totally get why that could be irritating to asexuals who aren't sexually active. About eight years ago now I was at the hospital once, I think the issue was primarily a gastrointestinal thing, and the ER doc asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. Totally fair question, no problem there. I was still in a relationship with my asexual ex at the time and we'd stopped having any form of sexual interaction a couple years prior to that, and I straight up said I hadn't been sexually active in a few years and that my husband and I didn't have sex. He didn't believe me and ran a pregnancy test in the bloodwork anyway... I mean whatever, do what you want... and sure I guess I could've been shagging someone else... but I remember thinking why on earth would a 29/30-year-old married woman say she hadn't been sexually active in quite a while and that she and her husband never had sex if it wasn't true? Not like I was a 14 year old kid trying to hide the fact that I was doing something my mum would get angry about. And how many sexual people would openly declare they had a sexless marriage if it wasn't true? Like I say, do what you want, doctor... but it irritated me a little, especially because he gave me a weird smirk.

A weird thing happened where my period stopped completely due to birth control for a year or so. I asked my doctor about that. He wanted to test if I was pregnant. I told him that’s impossible because I’m not having sex. He asked if he could test anyway…  I did take the pregnancy test but obviously no sex = not pregnant. Why won’t they believe me. Lol 

[Ceebs]

49 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

I already would take severe issue with anyone who just outright disbelieved the things I said about myself, but anyone in a professional setting doing that?  They can go get completely fucked. 

I think that's what bothered me the most. I know medical professionals encounter people who lie about shit all the time. Unhealthy dietary habits, drug and alcohol use, sexual behaviours, whether they're taking their medications properly, all sorts of things. It's a Me Thing, I react badly to not being believed, I strongly dislike when information is incorrect... and I get emotional about it. 🙃 Probably just part of my personality plus some family stuff where I didn't feel believed and respected when it came to certain things. Stepping back from the situation I understand that it wasn't personal, but I really could've done without the odd smirk he gave me. As you said, definitely 'get fucked' to that.

 

Definitely would've pissed me off more if I'd been paying out of pocket for it as well, like if I was American and didn't have health coverage. Just one more blood test that's covered by the healthcare system here, at least. 

[Philip027]

Thing is, I don't think it should be the doc's job to have to account for patients who might lie or otherwise give incorrect information.  Any bad shit that happens to the patient as a result of their misinformation should be the patient's responsibility.

 

I get that the way the legal system works (the way it fails, more like) makes it such that sometimes they have to do certain things to cover their asses.  Like I said, I wish they would just say that and leave it at that, rather than just being like "lol, I don't believe you :D"  At that point you aren't just covering yourself, you're being an ass, and I think people like that shouldn't even be in a profession that has direct involvement with the care of other humans.

[Nylocke]

13 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Same here.

same for me as well. My mom basically told me I didn't need one because I'm not sexually active and never really pushed the issue saying that it would be "too invasive"

 

[Crazy Cat Lady]

On 11/9/2022 at 8:37 PM, sirenian said:

I've been told that I could start later (as a result of not having had sex) but my Dr. was very clear that when I reached 35, it would be time, and lo and behold, at 35, there we were.

Wow! I'll be 50 next month and none of my doctors have ever told me I need to do it once I told them I am a virgin.

ETA: I guess I've been lucky.

[MarRister]

I think there is some conflicting ideas out there on the need and regularity of Pap smears. So I think older doctors/nurses who don’t keep up with the current recommendations will still be of the idea that it needs to be done after a certain age even if one has never been sexually active. Also how often it actually needs to be done I think has been reduced too. If you keep getting normal smears then they say you don’t need to do it as often (I think 5 years apart when younger and then can get longer?), it is only if you get abnormal ones that they need to check more often. 
 

If you look at the actual research the risk is incredibly low if you’ve never been sexually active (though this includes any sexual activity like oral or with hands, not just penetrative PiV sex). The risk is likely different you have been and then stopped, but never being sexually active ever, the risk is so low that I think if the procedure is going to be a traumatic one it should not be pushed on someone (not a medical professional though). And you always have the right to say no to something. 
 

I avoided the doctor for years when it became my own responsibility to organize appointments rather than my parents. I did go in my mid 20s and the nurse just immediately assumed I’d need a pap because I said I’d never had one, but then when I talked to the doc and told her I was not and never had been sexually active and she said I didn’t need it then and never implied that I’d need it after a certain age. I did get one done just over a year ago (after being sexually active) and I still found it fairly uncomfortable and a bit painful. The doc said oh it isn’t supposed to be, well it was lol. It was quick though so tolerable, but I think if they’d have tried to do this before I’d had penetrative sex it would have been extremely painful for me, because I found even the smallest tampons to be quite uncomfortable at that time. 

[Sally]

There is a tendency for cells to become dysplastic, possibly leading to cancer,  the older  you get; that may have been what that doctor was thinking of saying a woman should have a Pap smear after the age of 35.  

[Sister Mercurial]

I was told in the introductory leaflet when I was at uni that it wasn't necessary if you'd never had sex.  NHS official guidelines changed in the intervening years (I know this because you had to read a load of guff about it when you registered an opt-out), but none of it contradicted the medical info I'd received in my early 20s about why it's not necessary if you haven't been having sex, therefore haven't been infected with HPV.  What changed was central bureaucrats set a target for GP surgeries to violate a given % of women in this way in order to receive funding, so the website got changed in the hope it would make it easier for GP practices to hit the targets and my GP practice started harassing me for money-grubbing reasons.  I opted out centrally and they ignored it, so I reported them to the Information Commissioner's Office.  The ICO found against the GP practice.  I've had one harassing text from them since, but less than 30 days after the ruling and you have to allow 30 days for a spammer to remove your details from their list.  

[Cranston]

I've never had sex and my pap smear wasn't painful at all. Slight discomfort is what I would call it. But I've been using the Diva cup for about 8 years so maybe that makes a difference. 

[Nika]

I don’t think it was a Pap smear, but when I saw a gynecologist, it was incredibly painful even with the smallest tool. It was bad to the point the doctor had to use a finger, and it still really, really hurt, but there was no other option at that point. Even afterwards I was in pain for a while. It was pretty upsetting, and it’s upsetting to think of doing that again, but I knew it was important for health so that helped me get through it I guess. Still, it’s something I hope I never have to experience again.

[Libellule]

I only had a pap smear done after I'd had sex and I found it pretty uncomfortable and painful. And I still dread them 🙃

 

When I was 16 I went to the obgyn because I had issues with my menstrual cycle and she suggested to do a pap smear first but then did an internal ultrasound because I said I'd never been sexually active before. To be honest that ultrasound was painful enough 😆

[Eutierria]

17 minutes ago, Libellule said:

did an internal ultrasound because I said I'd never been sexually active before. To be honest that ultrasound was painful enough

Did they give you the option for the external ultrasound ? 

[Luftschlosseule]

I have mine once a year because I am told that while most cases of cervical cancer are due to HPV, not all of them are as cancer is weird and it's an "easy" thing to do to prevent death. Or a whole lot of pain.
But my doc saw how much I suffer under these, and I am not the only one of her patients. She developed the strategy of handing out small pieces of chocolate and telling patients to concentrate on these really hard while having the exam and it helps. Still hurts and feels very invasive, but more bearable which means it's over sooner.

 

I think one of my issues is that I have a lot of tension in my muscles due to trauma and stress, up to a point at which my spine changed it's form. It would make sense if the muscles down there would be the same as the rest of the body.

 

Regarding the sexually active bit and medical professionals, in march I was in the ER with vomiting and stomach cramps and I totally get that their first impression is pregnancy, and they really really wanted to run a pregnancy test on my urin. Told them I don't care what they do to the sample, I was beyond caring at that point. Well, turns out it was not pregnancy, at least after nagging me constantly about the sample - I was badly dehydrated so no urine - they didn't bring the topic up again.
Mind you, I was not charged in any way for the extra test. I know the German healthcare system has it's flaws, but charging people for treatment in the ER is not one of them, at least if they have a healthcare ID.

 

What annoys me more is when you have an x-ray done, get asked for legal reasons if you might be pregnant, say "not that I know of" and get back "not everybody knows". And I'm like, well, no sex no IVF, where would the baby come from?