Rain dancer81 Posted November 6, 2022 Share Posted November 6, 2022 Hi all, I am posting this in the old folks section because it seems to be the section I relate to most and you seem like a friendly bunch. AVEN is no stranger to me. I’ve been lurking and reading for many months and decided to finally make a post so maybe I don’t feel so alone? I sometimes read posts and think THATS ME, I related, but without an account I’m pretty silent so here I am. I am not really looking for advice, just people to talk to about life. I’m a 40 year old ace lady married for a long time with children. Sex has never been something I wanted or needed I just did it because if you want to get married and have kids (which I did) then that’s what you do. I didn’t really give it a second thought. There is no aspect of sex I ever liked, I never initiated, I just wanted it over and done. Then I read the word asexual and my whole life made sense. I told my husband a year ago and although it was rough going initially and there were talks or divorce (which we both considered) we ultimately decided to stay together. We are currently living in celibacy. I cannot compromise and give him sex or anything, my body and brain does not want to pretend anymore and I believe sex should be 2 willing and eager participants, which I am not. Anyways, I have told him we can open our relationship but I would like it open on both ends. I don’t feel like I want him out wining and dining ladies while I just sit home with the kids cooking and cleaning. I wouldn’t mind meeting other aces and exploring my options a bit more too. Given the fact it would be open on both ends my husband has chosen to remain monogamous (he’s a jealous guy and for whatever reason really loves me 😆). So here we are, it looks on paper like I am getting all I want but there’s guilt that I know he’s not living his life the way HE wants (as a sexual person). He has the choice to split amicably, he has the choice to have a open relationship, he’s choosing celibacy and I love him for that but also feel like I’m ruining his life. No advice needed. Just typing to those in cyber land kinda hoping someone in a similar situation wants to talk about the guilt that comes with being in a mixed relationship… 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted November 6, 2022 Share Posted November 6, 2022 Welcome, , and best wishes! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OggleSand Posted November 6, 2022 Share Posted November 6, 2022 welcome to AVEN! 🙂 I relate to a lot of YOUR post. I'm a 39 year old ace man married for a long time with children. About a year ago I read the word asexual and my whole life made sense. Now I'm also working on the aftermath to that, and it's not easy. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rain dancer81 Posted November 6, 2022 Author Share Posted November 6, 2022 6 hours ago, OggleSand said: welcome to AVEN! 🙂 I relate to a lot of YOUR post. I'm a 39 year old ace man married for a long time with children. About a year ago I read the word asexual and my whole life made sense. Now I'm also working on the aftermath to that, and it's not easy. It’s like opening Pandora’s box isn’t it? I’m happy to know I’m asexual, however now that I do and am comfortable in my own skin I never want to have sex again. But where does that leave him? I guess only he can decide his path. I feel like I’ve been open to all options really. My ideal relationship is some sort of QPR where I live with someone (because I do like having someone to talk to and share life with), we cook together, travel together, do everything married couples do together aside from sex. And on paper it appears he’s given me that, but there’s such a cloud of guilt over my head because I *know* he’s not leading the life he wants. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baf_1118 Posted November 7, 2022 Share Posted November 7, 2022 Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. 😊 Much of what you say is very easy to relate to, and as you said, there are many similar stories on this forum. Point being, you are not alone. ❤️ 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CincinnatiAsexual Posted January 4, 2023 Share Posted January 4, 2023 I can relate to your post. I'm 35. I don't have children, but my wife and I have been married for 4 years. She is not asexual, but we are both also still virgins. It is a lot of compromises on intimacy. We have our ups and downs. I'm happy to chat with you anytime you want to talk! I would enjoy chatting more with those here on AVEN that are past their 20's. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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