in love with 2 people and other complex issues

[ThannaA]

im completely head over heals with my husband 

he is 💯 the most loving man i can hope for

he is good for me … im good for him…  he’s my forever… my stability… my rock… the most understanding guy …  we are in therapy and very much communicating now better than ever

i also love my Dom.  he’s my here and now, my infatuation… takes care of my dark side, communicating is excellent with him… he’s really solid and a beautiful person 

 

im finding myself amidst all this especially right now lol as i’m in a meditation retreat and

 

i spent some time away from home in an air bnb in the effort to find some space for myself 

i found out the invaluable- that it’s not my husband’s fault that i’m depressive especially when im premenstrual for 2 weeks at a time…. it’s not because of him im miserable im miserable all on my own

 

and quite crazy

there were lots of reasons really and it’s mostly been worked out by me finding work… i haven’t worked for 3 years and covid didn’t help

 

i hope it’s okay to say i have trust issues with sexual relationships which i don’t have with my husband … i have had in the past it’s not red flags everywhere causing it… i used to think my ex partner was living a double life because he worked nights 

i still have that safety with my husband 

but i have trust issues even about the stupid stuff like his name (!)

which dissolve as soon as im rational and talking to the guy because it’s going really well between us

at the same time his son has familial cancer so it’s all pretty gut wrenching and complicated because im still infatuated with all this going on… it was quite a shock to hear and it’s taken me a while to come in to my feelings about it… 

 

 

[Ceebs]

That's... a lot going on. Lots of emotions and internal conflict. Did you say you were in therapy before? (I forget, sorry.) Because I feel like that's really the only sort of person who might be able to help you effectively work through things.

[ThannaA]

yes x im in personal therapy as well right now again 

[anisotrophic]

I like to think of therapy as hiring a consultant -- you want to fix something, they'll provide their expert advice on what to try.

So... I hope you try viewing therapy with that mindset! I think it's a lot more effective that way (and DBT has been very helpful for me). The consultant might not be correct, but they do have a lot of expertise. (Personally I've found the most useful advice wasn't "every session" or even most, but occasionally dramatically helpful.)

 

It sounds like this new person is supportive and not undermining your marriage, which seems like a good thing.

[Ceebs]

10 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

and DBT has been very helpful for me

Yes, same.

 

@kamel Obviously I don't know loads about you, but having read many of your posts since you joined and having a general sense of the things you're struggling with, I feel like DBT could be a good fit. Worth a go, anyway.

 

I don't know what resources you have available to you or what type of media you prefer to interact with, but I listen to a handful of mental health podcasts that focus on DBT and I purchased several workbooks and reference books a while back. You don't necessarily have to seek out a therapist who uses that method to get a feel for it.

[anisotrophic]

2 hours ago, Ceebs said:

I listen to a handful of mental health podcasts that focus on DBT and I purchased several workbooks and reference books

+1 I also bought books — Linehan’s handouts & worksheets book is by far the main one I tend to look at. Sometimes I search and find online articles.

 

(I found her therapist-targeted book useful mostly in the introduction section, eg laying out theory for “what and why” of emotional dysregulation … because I’m a nerd.)

 

I also got the sense DBT might be appropriate given what sounded like struggling with feeling overwhelmed by emotional experiences!

[ThannaA]

im with a very good therapist who specialises in all sorts including TA and all the issues im there for.  i’ll ask him about this method but im studying buddhism and following the 12 steps and am being supported 

thank you for thinking of me

[ThannaA]

3 hours ago, Ceebs said:

Yes, same.

 

@kamel Obviously I don't know loads about you, but having read many of your posts since you joined and having a general sense of the things you're struggling with, I feel like DBT could be a good fit. Worth a go, anyway.

 

I don't know what resources you have available to you or what type of media you prefer to interact with, but I listen to a handful of mental health podcasts that focus on DBT and I purchased several workbooks and reference books a while back. You don't necessarily have to seek out a therapist who uses that method to get a feel for it.

i’d be interested in hearing about a good workbook

im studying a few books and another couple would be interesting 

[ThannaA]

im grieving my old mental health forum 

i keep getting called gross and toxic and cheating 

 

[Ceebs]

8 hours ago, kamel said:

i’d be interested in hearing about a good workbook

This is one I have, it's pretty easy to come by.