When did you give up trying to find a partner?

[Slajmy]

When I was young, partner just happened... since 25 yo I known I don't want a parter. Have none. Never will. Friends are good. 

[Tom71]

I'm currently in the process of trying to deciding whether or not to do this

[imnotafreakofnature!]

On 12/7/2022 at 12:25 PM, MinnieMouse said:

Oh yeah, that’s so hard! I would prefer a ’Hello, I’m in love with you’. 😄

Actually, I wouldn't be able to accept that either because I've heard it too many times from men who just wanted a romp in the hay. I finally just started telling them, "You're not in love, you're in heat, you just don't know the difference!" Which always put an end to the conversation. 

 

On 12/11/2022 at 9:49 PM, Yjug said:

Coming to terms about being alone is different from being lonely. Is actually a good start to get to know yourself better and find that you are a cool person to be with. Starting that search may help to get your mind off things, while life takes its course and puts things in place

That's SOOOOOO true! It's extremely rare that I actually get lonely, even though I spend most of my non-work time alone. (I'm an INFJ personality type, the rarest in the world - and Jewish too,  which makes me less than one percent of the less than one percent! - and alone time is a matter of survival for us.) But even on the rare occasion that I feel lonely, I just remind myself that there are worse things than being lonely alone, and being lonely with somebody else is one of them. 

[Glenninindy]

I've been entirely alone for 10 years, no relations, except for my pets and recently began sort of feeling blue without knowing anybody at all for company. Tonight, I saw a picture on Facebook of my ex of many years ago, looking happy, who finally left me for a sexual relationship. It deeply saddens me now thinking about all of the years wasted and spent for nothing. I am sorry we ever met. We were young, in our early twenties, and now we are unrecognizable, overweight, and looking like our grandparents.  I wish we never met. In deep, deep, sorrow. 

[jay williams]

@Glennininday,

You sound a little too sad. That is unfortunate. But it could be worse if you were married to someone unhappy because you can't or won't sexually gratify that person. I have friends, just no sexual relationships. I always wanted more, but I am 70 sumpin, and I think it is too late to change for me. It sounds like you still got time to have a romantic relationship. If so, go for it!

 

[Tanwen]

21 years ago I decided there was a limit to the number of times I could pick myself off the floor and keep going hoping to find someone to share things with. Having reached that decision, I resolved to stay solitary and haven't regretted it. Live with my 3 dogs, have lived alone for the last two years (lived with my son up to then) - and I'm loving it.

[Dan1969]

I'm a big introvert. My kids are nearing independence. Although I'd rather be by myself for most of the time, I think it's important to develope my relationships with others.

I'm good at socialising but find it incredibly draining.

I'm demi-romantic, so if I meet someone well and good, but not too fussed.

I need to work on my indifference social interaction. 

 

 

 

[Ace_Reporter]

Probably mid-30s. I saw a Bible verse that said "He who finds a wife finds a good thing" and realized it didn't say "she who finds a husband." I decided if the right man came along, he could pursue me.

A few times, I broke down and tried online dating.

It never worked out.

Now I know why.

[Janus the Fox]

Never started looking in the first place, yet a relationship came out of nowhere with another Asexual, a little before reaching our 30s, which didn’t identify as such after being together for 5 years, neither of us having had any sexual experience or interest beyond a bi-curiosity as both men.  With very infrequent contact, barely any romantic or sexual contact, neither as friends, rather more aquatienves, its going rather strong and seems perfect 6 years now in April.

[jay williams]

On 12/22/2022 at 2:45 PM, Tanwen said:

21 years ago I decided there was a limit to the number of times I could pick myself off the floor and keep going hoping to find someone to share things with. Having reached that decision, I resolved to stay solitary and haven't regretted it. Live with my 3 dogs, have lived alone for the last two years (lived with my son up to then) - and I'm loving it.

I infer from what you say that you came to believe that finding a partner was a vexing exercise in futility. If it is not rude of me to ask (and if it is, you clearly may choose to say so), did you come to believe that it was hopeless for an asexual woman to succeed with a relationship?   

[Tanwen]

3 hours ago, jay williams said:

I infer from what you say that you came to believe that finding a partner was a vexing exercise in futility. If it is not rude of me to ask (and if it is, you clearly may choose to say so), did you come to believe that it was hopeless for an asexual woman to succeed with a relationship?   

I was used, abused, taken for granted, and repeatedly 'dumped'. I honestly don't know why I was such a failure at relationships - still am. I'm really much better off alone. I am not bitter, just accepting  

[jay williams]

4 hours ago, Tanwen said:

I was used, abused, taken for granted, and repeatedly 'dumped'. I honestly don't know why I was such a failure at relationships - still am. I'm really much better off alone. I am not bitter, just accepting  

OMG. I once served on a board for a shelter for abused/battered women. I never ceased to be amazed that so many women were beaten by some man. Usually the women were very nice too. Maybe they were too nice, because often they had coped with repeated beatings?! Why would any man be like that?   

[Twink]

After yet another awkward and disastrous short re-relationship in 2005

[Tanwen]

13 hours ago, jay williams said:

OMG. I once served on a board for a shelter for abused/battered women. I never ceased to be amazed that so many women were beaten by some man. Usually the women were very nice too. Maybe they were too nice, because often they had coped with repeated beatings?! Why would any man be like that?   

In my case, it was mental abuse. No bruises to show but it its way, just as damaging. Although most of the time I can almost believe in myself - it takes very little for me to want to run back into my shell and hide.

[svrn]

I'm 45 now, and closed the book on relationships about 4-5 years ago. I didn't know much (or anything) about asexuality then, I just accepted that there is "something wrong" with me. In my teens and 20s, I definitely tried to conform to society's heteronormative expectations, in ways that might be described as "a comedy of errors" in hindsight. But I grew increasingly less enthusiastic over the decades, and even my well-meaning friends eventually gave up trying to get me hooked up. This year, I finally realized that I'm asexual, definitely also thanks to this forum.

 

The decision felt/feels great, especially now that I have better terminology and concepts to go with it. I've never had much of a problem living alone, other than society having a problem with that, and I simply don't give a damn anymore.

 

I will probably never go "looking" again, since I suspect that I might also be aromantic. But that's a topic for the next three years of the pandemic. 😬

[Zozette]

My last relationship ended in 1991 when I was 33. I realised then that I had never enjoyed being in relationships and that there were plenty of things I preferred to going on a date.
 

Not having to cope with romantic or sexual relationships ended a lot of the stress that had been in my life. For companionship I have a couple of close friends and my sons (one of whom still lives with me)