Hyposexuals. Interesting and important topic.

[Guest]

People, who are  well versed in the topic of asexuality-this question is for you!

 

Why hyposexuals fit into the

a-spectrun? After all, they HAVE  sexual attraction, but they just have a low libido. Well, they have sexual attraction, but as their libido is low, they realise their sexual attraction rarely.  

I found term hyposexuality here, on AVEN.

It   seems to me that it is wrong to include such people in the asexual spectrum. I also found other questions about sexual attraction here on AVEN, and also asked questions that you  can find   in my profile. But  including people  who have attraction but have  low libido seems strange to me, because the asexual spectrum describes sexual attraction, but not libido. So, you can be an asexual with a low, medium, high libido. And you can feel sexual attraction  never or rarely or in a specific  situations.

 

But hyposecuals feel 

sexual attraction often, (and if they do not feel it often, then they are not hyposecuals, they are on the asexual spectrum), but your libido can still be low, as well as medium and high.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

as far as i know Hyposexual is a diagnosis and was misused towards asexual people so it's not a label that ace people like to see used like that. And not one that's used in asexuality.

[Lysandre, the Star-Crossed]

That sounds more like a medical diagnosis than a sexual orientation to me, but it's also not a term I've ever seen used in the past. Without trying to get into another definition debate I'll tentatively go with my gut and say that hyposexuality is not a part of the asexual spectrum. Asexuality is about sexual attraction (and/or sexual desire, depending on who you ask), it's not about the presence or intensity of one's libido

[nanogretchen4]

Hyposexual Desire Disorder is only diagnosed when someone does not self identify with a label under the ace umbrella, is distressed by their unusually low libido or sexual desire, and is asking for treatment.

 

I don't think hyposexual is an identity label. There's a good chance the people in question would rather be referred to as people with Hyposexual Desire Disorder rather than hyposexuals. I'm pretty sure they do not consider themselves to be on an asexual spectrum, because then they shouldn't have been diagnosed with Hyposexual Desire Disorder.

 

If someone experiences sexual attraction and the desire for partnered sex sometimes but much less often than average, and they consider than an orientation rather than a disorder, that sounds gray sexual to me.

[RoseGoesToYale]

Also, for a diagnosis of HSDD, there needs to be marked distress at one's lack of sexual desire and libido and interpersonal problems (e.g. wanting to have sexual relationships but not being able to because of it). Sexual orientation isn't characterized by distress.

[SilenceRadio]

23 minutes ago, RoseGoesToYale said:

Sexual orientation isn't characterized by distress.

What about "ego-dystonic homosexuality"?

[everywhere and nowhere]

3 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

I don't think hyposexual is an identity label. There's a good chance the people in question would rather be referred to as people with Hyposexual Desire Disorder rather than hyposexuals. I'm pretty sure they do not consider themselves to be on an asexual spectrum, because then they shouldn't have been diagnosed with Hyposexual Desire Disorder.

I don't think that HSDD is a real disorder. For me, HSDD = asexuality + pathologisation.

[Ceebs]

Just a comment on a specific thing here...

 

5 hours ago, PurpleU said:

But hyposecuals feel 

sexual attraction often, (and if they do not feel it often, then they are not hyposecuals, they are on the asexual spectrum)

How would you define feeling sexual attraction often? Like, what does that look like in everyday life? What's a person experiencing when they feel this attraction? Does it mean finding lots of people good-looking? Does it mean wanting to have sex with lots of people? What counts as 'often'?

 

(These aren't meant as shitpost-y or rude questions, I swear. I'm curious what's apparently perceived as the norm compared to what I experience.)

[nanogretchen4]

I regard the HSDD diagnosis with great suspicion as well, but I don't think it's asexuality in most cases. For one thing, people who probably own stock in the one and only pharmaceutical that allegedly treats HSDD say that 10% of all women have it. But the lack of sexual fantasies and interest in sex only have to last six months for diagnosis. My guess is that it is super normal for average sexual women to lose interest in sex for six months or more at some point in their life. For example, lactation hormones notoriously kill libido and lots of women breastfeed one or more babies for at least six months each. Also, women often fall out of love with their boyfriends or husbands.

[RoseGoesToYale]

17 minutes ago, SilenceRadio said:

What about "ego-dystonic homosexuality"?

That was removed from the DSM-5 in 2013.

 

HSDD has be unexplainable by anything else in order for it to be diagnosed, which means asexuality has to be ruled out. The APA makes very clear that asexuality and HSDD are not the same thing, and any doctors defying that are committing malpractice.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Ceebs said:

How would you define feeling sexual attraction often? What's a person experiencing when they feel this attraction

 

to be honest, IDK. maybe 4 times a week? Well, I know that allosexual people may wanna have sex even every day:D.

 

And the second thing is ...:what does it mean -sexual attraction?

Well, yup, I've already found answers to my question here,(and thanks a lot to users, who are here, on AVEN💜),

but even some asexual people can't explain, what it is.. maybe it is a bit tricky, yeah...((

 

Well, what about  person's experiencing when they feel this attraction. As I understood, they like think :oh,i would wanna have sex with this person, (because of their appearance , character, how the voice sounds or even because a person is  clever.), but if  he/she has low libido, he(or she) will not fulfill this desire immediately or soon. There will not be such a strong desire to implement it. (as I understood😁) Moreover, I don't really understand why having a low libido is illness! If you are okay with this, why not?  Yes, low libido can be cause by ... let me find it out 

🙃

 

 

 

[Ceebs]

1 minute ago, PurpleU said:

to be honest, IDK. maybe 4 times a week?

I'm always confused about that, because do you mean like... attraction to four different people on average per week? If so, are we counting everything from a passing thought of 'The actress in this film is really good-looking' to 'I met this guy at work and daaaaamn... I think I'm gonna try to find out if he's single and ask him out if he is'? Or do you that mean four times a week someone might want to have sex with their partner? That's more libido than exclusively about attraction I'd say. What about if I consider myself literally always sexually attracted to my partner, like 24/7 in an underlying sense because my interest in him that way doesn't fade, but that definitely doesn't mean I'm constantly interested in having sex every waking moment?

[everywhere and nowhere]

4 hours ago, Ceebs said:

Just a comment on a specific thing here...

 

How would you define feeling sexual attraction often? Like, what does that look like in everyday life? What's a person experiencing when they feel this attraction? Does it mean finding lots of people good-looking? Does it mean wanting to have sex with lots of people? What counts as 'often'?

 

(These aren't meant as shitpost-y or rude questions, I swear. I'm curious what's apparently perceived as the norm compared to what I experience.)

This reminds me of a very crude simplification I have seen: that, supposedly, asexuals never feel sexual attraction, allosexuals always (!!) feel sexual attraction, and graysexual people sometimes feel sexual attraction. It's absurd: after all nobody, not even the "worst" erotomaniac, feels sexual attraction "always"!

[Guest]

What's a person experiencing when they feel this attraction? 

-Well, I think we should ask about it allosexual people.  I think they just think "wow, he is so sexy, I would have sex with him/her. And, depending on the level of libido,  they realize(they have sex) this with different frequency. 

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

I have very low libido, and while I'm ok with it because I'm graysexual, I do think it's a medical condition, and I could easily see it being distressing to someone who's allo.

[Guest]

But you do not think you are asexual because of your low libido, right?

Well, I thought so about myself...like "I am asexual because of the  level of my libido." Now I think it is not really correct to think in a such way, (what do you think?) ...

I have a question: how often do u feel sexual attraction if it is not a secret ? And .... How do u feel it? What is it like ?

 

[Ceebs]

39 minutes ago, everywhere and nowhere said:

This reminds me of a very crude simplification I have seen: that, supposedly, asexuals never feel sexual attraction, allosexuals always (!!) feel sexual attraction, and graysexual people sometimes feel sexual attraction. It's absurd: after all nobody, not even the "worst" erotomaniac, feels sexual attraction "always"!

Yeah I just never know how to answer when people ask questions like 'How often do sexuals feel sexual attraction?' Do they mean how often do I simply see another human being (on television, in a photo, a stranger on the street) and think they're good-looking? Do they mean how often I come across someone I actually think I wouldn't mind having sex with them given the chance, or perhaps how often I develop an actual crush? Do they mean how often I very actively pursue sex with somebody, and if that person is my established partner, do they consider me to be attracted only when I'm in the mood for sex and then I'm not attracted to them when I would rather have a conversation or go for a walk together or I'm tired or sick or upset with my partner?

[Ceebs]

57 minutes ago, PurpleU said:

What's a person experiencing when they feel this attraction? 

-Well, I think we should ask about it allosexual people.  I think they just think "wow, he is so sexy, I would have sex with him/her.

For me, there are many different degrees of attraction. There's 'that person is physically attractive' and I know it's connected to my sexuality, but it's a momentary passing thought and I don't actually think about sex with them. There's developing a stronger interest in a person after some interaction and thinking 'I'm definitely into them' and it's based on more than just appearance, and I think that given the ideal opportunity (we both want to, they're not with someone else, etc.), I would like to have sex with them. Then there's 'we have an established bond and I'm really into you (or maybe in love by that point) and I want to share this really meaningful intimate physical experience with you because of those feelings'.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

19 minutes ago, PurpleU said:

But you do not think you are asexual because of your low libido, right?

Well, I thought so about myself...like "I am asexual because of the  level of my libido." Now I think it is not really correct to think in a such way, (what do you think?) ...

I have a question: how often do u feel sexual attraction if it is not a secret ? And .... How do u feel it? What is it like ?

 

Libido can go up and down, it's not a static orientation.
It does affect sexual desire and attraction so it's understandable how some people could think they're asexual. Though it doesn't mean someone isn't asexual. Or that they can't identify as asexual, if they feel it's not just temporary and they identify with it.

 

(and yes I don't think I'm ace-spec because of low libido)

[Guest]

Wait a minute...

But here, on AVEN, i saw information, that libido can't affect on your sexual attraction. 😳🤔😮‍💨 

Libido and attraction are separate concepts.🤔

 Or you mean a homosexual/hetero/bi/pansexul person and their level of libido, how it can confuses them about their orientation?

P.S. i suppose I got it

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

17 minutes ago, PurpleU said:

Wait a minute...

But here, on AVEN, i saw information, that libido can't affect on your sexual attraction. 😳🤔😮‍💨 

Libido and attraction are separate concepts.🤔

 Or you mean a homosexual/hetero/bi/pansexul person and their level of libido, how it can confuses them about their orientation?

P.S. i suppose I got it

 

Libido can definitely affect sexual attraction. It sure did for me anyway. If there's no thought or desire (or pull) for sex when seeing someone attractive, then how can it be sexual?
I've had waves of libido going up and down throughout my life for different reasons, and it makes it pretty much impossible to experience attraction sexually, when there's none.

It doesn't work the other way around though, since someone without sexual attraction could still have libido, and we do see that plenty.

[Guest]

Then if there is no libido or it is too low, the person will always be on the asexual spectrum?

But it is strange ....
 

Edited September 27, 2022 by Guest

[Sarah-Sylvia]

9 hours ago, PurpleU said:

Then if the libido is too low the person will always be ....somewhere on the asexual spectrum?  🤔that is strange..

Or I just did not understand you 😶

There are non-libidoist individuals. They don't necessarily identify as asexual.

Someone who has low libido will probably not be very sexual. If someone has no libido then how would they be able to feel sexual one way or another. They might identify as asexual if they've been like that their whole life and they dont think it'll change.

[Guest]

15 hours ago, everywhere and nowhere said:

I don't think that HSDD is a real disorder. For me, HSDD = asexuality + pathologisation.

No it's totally real. I probably fall under the definition because I can have a strong desire for sexual interaction but with my body/libido being totally unresponsive, and it happens commonly enough that it contributes to why it's just easier for me to remain physically celibate. It only doesn't classify as a disorder in my case because I'm not significantly distressed (due to being predominantly fictoromantic so it's less of an issue) but if I was an average person with an average romantic drive, the lack of my body's ability to react sexually no matter how inwardly 'aroused' I am would definitely cause significant distress and intimacy issues within the relationship and heck, if there was a safe pill I could take to fix it magically I would.

 

I always explained it like my wiring between my brain and my 'parts' not being quite right. Certain things can trigger the wiring to work and I become almost hypersexual when that happens, but a lot of the time only my brain is hypersexual and my body is just like ''yeah nope'' lol. It's definitely a medical thing (like my body just not reacting to my brains arousal) but there isn't really any genuinely effective treatment options for female-bodied people, especially not anything that's actually safe.

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Libido can definitely affect sexual attraction. It sure did for me anyway. If there's no thought or desire (or pull) for sex when seeing someone attractive, then how can it be sexual?

for me, my sexual attraction/innate desire can actually exist totally independent of my libido (which is usually broken or malfunctioning lol). There are also sexual folks who experience severe emotional stress when something happens to effect their libido (ie certain types of medication) but their desire is still there - we've had a few such people come through AVEN and they're often deeply upset and frustrated at their body failing to react to their innate desire for sexual intimacy!

 

but yes there are also people with similar experiences to yourself, where a lowered libido can lead to a lower level of innate desire for that intimate interaction.

 

This is probably one of the reasons it's so difficult to treat or even diagnose the range of issues that can arise when it comes to libido and sexual function: everyone experiences it all so differently from person-to-person!

[everywhere and nowhere]

41 minutes ago, Major West said:

I always explained it like my wiring between my brain and my 'parts' not being quite right. Certain things can trigger the wiring to work and I become almost hypersexual when that happens, but a lot of the time only my brain is hypersexual and my body is just like ''yeah nope'' lol. It's definitely a medical thing (like my body just not reacting to my brains arousal) but there isn't really any genuinely effective treatment options for female-bodied people, especially not anything that's actually safe.

But it's nevertheless not the same as lack of desire. Maybe cases like yours, or, particularly, a sudden disappearance of preexisting libido, can indicate a medical issue. But a lifelong lack of sexual desire, or libido, or need for sex, or interest in having sex - is simply normal variance and is much better described as asexuality. And some people will nevertheless feel distressed and not meet their stupid exception, because nobody told them that asexuality is a real orientation.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

1 hour ago, Major West said:

for me, my sexual attraction/innate desire can actually exist totally independent of my libido (which is usually broken or malfunctioning lol). There are also sexual folks who experience severe emotional stress when something happens to effect their libido (ie certain types of medication) but their desire is still there - we've had a few such people come through AVEN and they're often deeply upset and frustrated at their body failing to react to their innate desire for sexual intimacy!

 

but yes there are also people with similar experiences to yourself, where a lowered libido can lead to a lower level of innate desire for that intimate interaction.

 

This is probably one of the reasons it's so difficult to treat or even diagnose the range of issues that can arise when it comes to libido and sexual function: everyone experiences it all so differently from person-to-person!

It's interesting to note. It's hard for me to understand on a personal level too, since for me it's tied together.

I'd tend to think they have 'some' libido if they can feel desire to some degree, but maybe you see it a bit differently.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

It's interesting to note. It's hard for me to understand on a personal level too, since for me it's tied together.

I'd tend to think they have 'some' libido if they can feel desire to some degree, but maybe you see it a bit differently.

Yes because the desire is there internally - a yearning to interact on that level. But the body itself doesn't react in any way ie no arousal, no quickening of the pulse, no "push" to touch or to kiss. 

 

I guess maybe like knowing you need to eat but your body not feeling hunger? Or needing to sleep and being so exhausted, but having insomnia and your body won't go to sleep no matter how badly you need it. 

 

Your body isn't reacting the way it needs to, to be able to relieve those internal desires/needs/feelings.

 

So like the opposite of having an itch you can't scratch. You want to scratch, but there's no itch anywhere and you start being driven crazy by the want to scratch but your body just can't itch. 

 

For some sexual people, they even consider ending their lives over this (because some SSRIs can permanently kill the body's ability to react physically to internal arousal but people usually aren't told that when they start taking them - they're left in turmoil with no way out sadly and by that point it's too late)

 

Hopefully that helped explain it a bit better from my perspective (ie the perspective of someone capable of the internal desire but without the bodily reaction)  

 

Libido is like.. A biological chemical reaction that starts in the brain and all the right hormones etc need to be functioning(?) in order for your body to react. But if the body won't react for whatever reason all that's there is the emotional desire with no way to relieve it.

 

But for some people I think the libido itself can cause the desire, so without the libido there's no desire.

 

(PS I do randomly have times when I'm very physically aroused for no reason - it just happens on its own out of the blue!! And during those times I am able to have that combined desire with libido. It's just that many times there's the desire but no bodily reaction at all) Y_Y

 

1 hour ago, everywhere and nowhere said:

But it's nevertheless not the same as lack of desire. Maybe cases like yours, or, particularly, a sudden disappearance of preexis onting libido, can indicate a medical issue. But a lifelong lack of sexual desire, or libido, or need for sex, or interest in having sex - is simply normal variance and is much better described as asexuality. And some people will nevertheless feel distressed and not meet their stupid exception, because nobody told them that asexuality is a real orientation.

If it's lifelong that's different, that's more likely to be asexuality. Though in saying that some people don't discover their innate sexuality until later in life (ie they thought they were straight for decades and never knew why they didn't enjoy sex.. then they have their first sexual encounter with someone of the same gender and a whole new world of pleasure opens up. Or sometimes it's a special bond or a different form of sexual intimacy that causes that awakening)

 

But when people speak of HSSD they're almost always referring people to had the ability then lost it, or struggle to achieve it and maintain it etc (similar to someone who suffers on and off from insomnia to varying degrees).

 

Generally it causes distress because the inner need is genuinely still there and you can feel it just below the surface, but your entire body remains dead and cold feeling and you can't force your body to enjoy it or even want it even though the "want" is roiling below the surface. A partner may feel dejected and upset and it's almost impossible to explain that you do want it in your mind, but the rest of you just won't react in the way you need it to for you to be able to enjoy the act itself on any level (even you know that sometimes your body "works" just fine but you have no control over when it does or doesn't play the game, urgh!)

 

Even for someone happy with celibacy such as myself it can still be extremely frustrating at times!

[Guest]

Major West,

well, you are a person who:

has sexual attraction to people, but have no (or have low ) libido, as I understood. But how do you understand this term:libido? 

You mean maybe just a reaction of your body, but not a wish for sexual activity like masturbation?? (Libido). As I know, libido is a desire for sexual practices. And reaction of your body is not your libido. And I know people, who still has libido , but their body doesn't react to stimulations.

 

Or you have no sexual attraction, have libido, but your body doesn't react...?

[Sally]

There's a problem with conflating "attraction" with sexuality.  A sexual could be interested in and experience the desire to have sex with another person, and yet not feel sexually attracted to anyone they have met so far.  The difference is that an asexual simply is not interested in, and does not want, sex with anyone.