Hyposexuals. Interesting and important topic.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, PurpleU said:

Major West,

well, you are a person who:

has sexual attraction to people, but have no (or have low ) libido, as I understood. But how do you understand this term:libido? 

You mean maybe just a reaction of your body, but not a wish for sexual activity like masturbation?? (Libido). As I know, libido is a desire for sexual practices. And reaction of your body is not your libido. And I know people, who still has libido , but their body doesn't react to stimulations.

 

Or you have no sexual attraction, have libido, but your body doesn't react...?

I experience an innate desire for sexual connection (what some might  call "sexual attraction") under specific circumstances, however my libido only responds with that sometimes/rarely. So on many occasions the desire goes from around my head and stops at my waist, and goes no lower. I can still deeply "crave" someone in this state, but sadly with no physical reaction below my waist so cannot do anything about it - I'm just left stuck with it.

 

Other times my libido "switches on" all by itself, so like I might be doing dishes and suddenly arousal goes all the way through my physically like I can even feel it deep inside my womb. I masturbate quickly to get rid of it. But if I also happen to be experiencing desire at the same time then I'll think about the person I'm desiring or if I'm in an online relationship at the time I'll interact with them in a sexual manner but I really don't have time for that sort of carry-on these days. But it's very rare that the two coincide for me. There's some sort of disconnect between my innate desire/attraction and my libido itself, and much of the time my libido just doesn't exist.

 

And yes my body cannot react to stimulation. I cannot force arousal through stimulation the way many can. It comes for no reason when it feels like it, but not through any form of active stimulation.

 

If I was in a relationship physically these issues would place a huge toll/strain on the relationship hence why it's easiest to remain single and celibate!! 

 

 

[The French Unicorn]

On 9/27/2022 at 1:28 AM, Ceebs said:

Yeah I just never know how to answer when people ask questions like 'How often do sexuals feel sexual attraction?' Do they mean how often do I simply see another human being (on television, in a photo, a stranger on the street) and think they're good-looking? Do they mean how often I come across someone I actually think I wouldn't mind having sex with them given the chance, or perhaps how often I develop an actual crush? Do they mean how often I very actively pursue sex with somebody, and if that person is my established partner, do they consider me to be attracted only when I'm in the mood for sex and then I'm not attracted to them when I would rather have a conversation or go for a walk together or I'm tired or sick or upset with my partner?

I suppose we mean all of that ? Though it would be better to clarify anyway because there are some degrees in attraction I guess.

[Guest]

Major West, I think I have a bit the similar story. 

Well, I suppose my libido was always too low. When I was a teenager, I wanted to masturbate, but not really often, but I still did not have sexual attraction. And this situation confuses me a lot.. I had some sexual fantasies, but not about real people. Well, I tried to masturbate, but it just did not work( I felt something ... just ... a bit.). It bored me soon. And the mental excitement was not  so strong. It looked like a light haze or stream.

But I experienced orga*ms, however, when I had sexual dreams, while sleeping, waking up from it.  So it calmed me down a bit that my body seems to be still working. But I was trying to figure out , do I want THIS  with any of the real people? And the answer rather no than yes ( with those whom I have met), but as a sexual practices, maybe yes, but I have not met the right person yet.

  And maybe because of it I may identify as cupiosexual, acespike and acesfog, lol. (Yup, there are a lot of labels on the a-spectrum )

 And I still sometimes worry that I'm asexual. I'm trying to learn more about people's experiences. However, I just thought about the fact that mental arousal has always been light and not strong. So maybe it's not my physiology, but the fact that the brain is not mentally particularly excited. And in dreams, while I am sleeping,  it happened easily apparently. I want to note that with a hormonal background I have everything within normal limits. When I listened to music, for example, I can have a feeling seems similar to euphoria and   it is 10 times stronger than my mental arousal...can expeimsweast

[Ceebs]

8 hours ago, Frenchace said:

I suppose we mean all of that ? Though it would be better to clarify anyway because there are some degrees in attraction I guess.

Oh there certainly are, yeah.

 

Regardless, I find it pretty much impossible to answer the 'how often' question. Like... I dunno, depends what I'm doing, what's going on in my life? If I watch lots of movies and TV shows, or I'm out in public a lot, I'm more likely to see someone and think 'yep, that person is attractive'. If I'm interacting with more people, I'm more likely to meet someone I find interesting and develop a crush. If I'm in a relationship, I'm going to think about and engage with my desire for that person fairly regularly, but if I don't have a partner, there's no one for me to feel anything for.

 

When it comes to the passing mild attraction to a stranger based solely on appearance, or meeting someone and developing a crush, my personality and general lifestyle might mean that I don't experience that as often as some sexual people might. I don't watch a lot of movies and television, I'm a homebody who doesn't go out a lot (and when I am out I really don't pay too much attention to other people to the degree I'd even take much notice of how they look, and I'm also not someone who 'checks out' anyone's body), and I'm not often in situations where I meet anyone new and strike up a connection with them. But when I'm in a relationship, I do feel a strong underlying sense of attraction to and desire for my partner pretty much all the time -- but that doesn't mean I'm constantly hot and bothered lol, or that I'm up for sex 24/7.

[Philip027]

On 9/26/2022 at 8:24 PM, PurpleU said:

But you do not think you are asexual because of your low libido, right?

Well, I thought so about myself...like "I am asexual because of the  level of my libido." Now I think it is not really correct to think in a such way, (what do you think?) ...

I have a question: how often do u feel sexual attraction if it is not a secret ? And .... How do u feel it? What is it like ?

I do feel like I'm asexual because of no libido, and that if I did have one, my sexual orientation would likely just fall in line with that of my romantic orientation (hetero)

 

What reason do I have to think that way?  Idk, but it's just my feeling.

[Guest]

To be honest, I  think about it: how could asexuality be dependent on libido if it is an orientation. And if orientation is sexual attraction and sexual attraction is not the same thing that libido:D

Well, that topic bothers me, yup.

Maybe it depends on a person's experience: some may feel sexual attraction without libido and some may have libido without sexual attraction 🤔

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

8 minutes ago, PurpleU said:

To be honest, I  think about it: how could asexuality be dependent on libido if it is an orientation. And if orientation is sexual attraction and sexual attraction is not the same thing that libido:D

Well, that topic bothers me, yup.

Maybe it depends on a person's experience: some may feel sexual attraction without libido and some may have libido without sexual attraction 🤔

 

Just think of it as that in general libido is different and doesn't have to do with orientation and asexuality, but that there are exceptions because libido does affect sexual attraction for a lot of people.

I think probably if someone is distressed by having low or no libido and they feel they miss something important, then they may not be asexual. And some people aren't sure if they're asexual because their libido problem might be temporary. (which was the case for me when i first came to the site)

But also in the end because it's about people identifying or not with a label, there will always be exceptions due to some people who connect with asexuality even if it might be about something else. (like trauma, too, is another one)

[Mike D]

There seem to be many paths to ace-ness.  Low libido, which has decreased to practically nothing with age, was mine.  It may well be medical in my case; I had a physician suggest a diagnosis of HSDD / ISD for me, except I was not particularly distressed over it.  (Which seemed to shock her a little...she natively assumed I would want to be "cured" and was starting to go on about meds when I informed her that I wasn't broken and didn't need fixing.)

But could a person identify as hyposexual?  I guess they could if they wanted, but I think the gray spectrum already covers the terminology...and frankly, I'm not sure this community needs even more labels!  (It already takes a thesaurus and a decoder ring to parse the litany of them we already use.)  I would also avoid using an actual medical diagnosis as a label for sexuality, in solidarity with Frank Kameny's successful effort to get homosexuality de-listed as a mental illness is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.  That a victory is to this day one of the great strides in LGBTQ civil rights.  To call myself a "hyposexual" feels like backsliding in that regard.