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How do people react when they hear that you are asexual? Do they understand what this really means?


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Well, I came out as asexual (amd I am trying to accept myself as I am) and tried to explain what this really means but 

-my relative did not listen to me.

-said that it is illness

-asked about my asexuality, did not understand me, and then !it all happened over and over  again!

Moreover, I bought a black ring and  my relative was interested in what it was. He asked several times : "why is it  black?" then asked again and I answered: "just a ring. I just like it. Just like its color". Then he saw a self-made bracelet in the colors of the asexual flag and also started asking.. And I answered "just a bracelet".  I am still sure, that he  doesn't understand, what all this means. This strange situation (he interested in what it is many times, didn't  understand, that interested in what it is over and over and over  again and didn't understand) and  all this stuff a bit  bothers me. Did you have something similar?

 

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The French Unicorn

It depends on the people. I find out that young people who are familiar with LGBT+ identities are more  accepting than the others, but it's not an universal rule. Some people on the other hand have big trouble understanding us. There arr no way to know sadly.

I had a colleague who thought I was a closeted lesbian when I tell her about being aroace...

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YEP!!!  Mine was someone I thought was a good friend.  She told me I wasn't asexual, I just hadn't found the right person!!!!

 

She was half right.  I hadn't but when I did he was asexual too and we're blissfully happy!

 

I don't get it!  It's 2022.  (well it was 2019 at the time!) why can't people accept there's so many 'options' out there!?!  We don't all have to like sex or like straight sex!!

 

I was so lucky my mum was the most accepting person and understood completely.  I think my brother coming out as gay 15 years earlier helped her to see the other side.

 

I think you're right to say it's just a bracelet etc.  If he's not going to listen then leave him to find out on his own.

 

Basically YOU be YOU and to hell with what the world thinks!!

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3 minutes ago, Frenchace said:

It depends on the people. I find out that young people who are familiar with LGBT+ identities are more  accepting than the others, but it's not an universal rule. Some people on the other hand have big trouble understanding us. There arr no way to know sadly.

I had a colleague who thought I was a closeted lesbian when I tell her about being aroace...

Yeah my friend was 48 but my mum was 63 and she got it!!  So I think some people just don't want to see.

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The harder part is coming out to other asexuals. "Are you really asexual?" "Do you have a libido?" "Are you sex positive or negative?" etc. We don't understand what being asexual "really means" yet.

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nutterwithasolderingiron

for the most part. i'd say 50% of people understand it and the other 50% need it explained. 

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Most people get it because most of the people that I tell this to generally already know what I'm like (mainly that I don't tend to be "interested" in people).  If anything they might need a further explanation on how I'm not necessarily aromantic just because I'm asexual.

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Surprisingly, everyone I've told seems to be vaguely aware and accepting of it. They might not fully understand, but they don't really treat it as abnormal. 

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Badly the last 10 years.  But I think the reactions have cooled down a bit, family and healthcare.

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Yeah depends who it is usually I get a lot of questions and confusion and a good old you just haven’t found the right one yet but at least my sisters were cool about it my mum said something hurtful at first but she is ok now and I never formally told my dad but I don’t think he would care but he also wouldn’t have a clue what it means. 

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Other than one person I told thinking I'd "made a choice" to be celibate, the other people I've told either:

  • Already knew what it was, were cool with it
  • Kind of knew what it was, we discussed it a bit more
  • Were polite enough to look up the definition later, instead of asking me all about it in the moment
  • In one case had been wondering if she was asexual herself, was pleasantly surprised to learn I was too

So it's been nice so far 🙂

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On 9/26/2022 at 1:40 PM, PurpleU said:

Moreover, I bought a black ring and  my relative was interested in what it was. He asked several times : "why is it  black?" then asked again and I answered: "just a ring. I just like it. Just like its color". Then he saw a self-made bracelet in the colors of the asexual flag and also started asking.. And I answered "just a bracelet".  I am still sure, that he  doesn't understand, what all this means. This strange situation (he interested in what it is many times, didn't  understand, that interested in what it is over and over and over  again and didn't understand) and  all this stuff a bit  bothers me. Did you have something similar?

It turned to autumn just as I got my black-grey-white-purple watch band, so it's been covered by the sleeve of my jumper or jacket, no-one can see it to ask what the colours mean. If they ever do ask though, I had in mind the following responses:

  • Do you know what ace and aro mean?
  • If not, do you know what asexual and aromantic mean?
  • If not, check out this handy website that explains it much better than I can 😉

I wear it so that other asexual people might see someone like them walking around in the world, not to be a teacher, so I understand not wanting to explain it to your relative.

 

However, maybe he was asking so much because he did recognise them as symbols of asexuality but was too scared to say so before you did?

 

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In my experience, smeone who desires sex cannot truly fathom a life without those desires. It's unnerving to them. But who cares. I don't need to explain myself to anyone. Have clear boundaries. Don't get drawn into answering deeply personal questions in order to justify your experiences to someone. Clear boundaries are essential (learning from experience).

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Most folk shuffle and look down at their feet because it makes them uncomfortable.

 

I had this recently with a group of friends, but then, one of them said ' that must make social interaction very hard for you, because there's a sexual subtext if you talk to the opposite sex. People might misconstrue your friendliness'.

 

We'd a great in depth chat about it and oddly enough, after everything I hear in forums like this, he said to me ' the problem is, that men will automatically start competing with each other as soon as a new, unknown woman is added to the mix'.

 

Sometimes the very people who look like they'll not get it, do😁

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9 hours ago, Lilibulero said:

I had this recently with a group of friends, but then, one of them said ' that must make social interaction very hard for you, because there's a sexual subtext if you talk to the opposite sex. People might misconstrue your friendliness'.

Sounds like a "them" problem, to me.  I can only control what I put forward.  How others choose to interpret it is out of my hands.

 

Regardless I haven't generally run into that issue, despite most of my non-obligatory social interactions being with the opposite sex ever since adolescence.

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Oh, I could write a book @Philip027. It's like a London fox, once recognised, easily spotted. First time an Allo has said it aloud though.

 

Way back in the 1970s, I used to enjoy the disco, but it was spoiled for me when a guy whispered in my ear that dancing was developed to aid coupling up.

I just told him that I dance because I liked the music, no subtext. Stuff like that. Everywhere.

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Not really something I've disclosed to people.  Doesn't seem relevant to bring up.

 

The three times I've disclosed it in the past ten or so years, it was to three different friends who had expressed interest in me at various points.  Interestingly, all three of them were familiar with asexuality--one knew from Bojack Horseman, another's cousin was asexual, and the third had met someone who was.

 

I think the only question I got was whether I was asexual and aromatic, or just asexual.

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