Differing assumptions

[Thujaplicata]

I just think it's funny. A dear friend of mine was complaining once about how her mom and mother's friends kept going "oh, you've been dating him for a year, are you considering marriage?" Another good friend was upset with grandparents who didn't like her boyfriend's non-whiteness and acted like it was a fling when they're rather serious. 

 

And I'm in the background just casually assuming that all my friends' romantic relationships are less important than our friendship. Just kind of a "Oh, how's your most recent entertainment?" rather than "ah yes, the most important person in your life." Typing this I'm immediately thinking that no, of course he (whichever one) can't be most important...

 

I blame my arospec nature, and mostly just think it's funny. I try to be respectful of course - ask about their significant others and wish them well and encourage whatever their plans are. But I just can't seem to bring myself to really appreciate how meaningful those relationships are supposed to be. I'm in a romantic relationship that matters a lot to me! Surely I should get this! Ah well, at least it just makes my friends laugh. 

 

Anyone else have a similar disconnect?

[nanogretchen4]

Frankly, humans have a tendency to be a bit self centered. We care more about relationships that we are part of than relationships we are not part of. 

 

For example, our children are more important to us than other people's children. Our romantic relationships are more important to us than other people's romantic relationships. And our friendships, which directly involve us, are more important to us than our friends' romantic relationships, which don't directly involve us. 

 

So far, so totally normal.

 

The logical error creeps in when we reason, "My universe revolves around me, so my friend's universe must also revolve around me", rather than, "My universe revolves around me. My friend's universe probably revolves around my friend."

[Thujaplicata]

@nanogretchen4 that makes sense. At least I can add that it's less "my friend's life must revolve around me" and more "clearly the most important relationships are the ones I have witnessed - that is to say, their friendship with me and our mutual friends."

Still in error of course, but a little less self centered I suppose.