Talking about asexuality in therapy feels so ... lonely and impossible?

[cato]

I don't mind being asexual at this point, but being greyromantic (cupioromantic?) is really hard.  I respect that people on here are often pretty cool with their orientation and wouldn't change a thing; I really, really, really, really, really hate my orientation.  I've been in a romantic relationship once and enjoyed it greatly, but my brain just doesn't feel romantic attraction for the most part.  So I desperately want a thing my brain doesn't let me have, and it really sucks.

 

I find the dynamic really contributes to the lifelong depression I've battled, but it's so hard to talk about in therapy.  Most people don't delineate sexual and romantic attraction in their heads, for one, and wanting a relationship, but not feeling romantic attraction, is an even weirder split yet.  I hate having to explain my experience to a therapist, because they don't really feel what I'm talking about; I'm educating them.  My therapist is a gay man, and while I suspect he knows what it is like to be "different", I do not feel any kind of kinship with LGBTQ people on being sexually divergent.  I feel like being gay is normal and doable and common, in a way that asexuality just is not.  I don't know how to talk to him honestly about asexuality, because what I really want is to feel normal.  Explaining your experience to someone who has never felt the way you do nor knows anyone in a similar situation does not particularly engender feelings of normalcy.  It just makes me feel terribly alone and abnormal.  (I like my therapist otherwise, to be clear.)

 

I wish it was possible to find a therapist who specializes in asexual people.  I don't want to have to explain how my brain works; I just want someone who gets it, who can make me feel normal and that if I just do X or Y, things will work out.  Like, I'm trying to date despite being greyromantic--I don't know what is part of the normal dating experience, vs. something I'm experiencing (or not) because of asexuality?  Would most heterosexual people feel X in this situation too, or is that my asexuality coming into play?

 

I know there are people like me online, although few in number; I have never, ever met someone in real life who knows my experience, and I wish I did.

 

More frustratingly, any time I have seen a therapist who specializes in alternative orientations, it's always either specializing in being gay/transgender, or being poly/kinky.  The last one is especially frustrating--nothing against poly people, but being poly is even more foreign and alienating to me than just trying to be "straight"...  I wish being poly was my problem.

 

Anyway, I don't really have a question or anything, just venting...

[Guest]

I wish I could help, it sure is hard because asexuality is rare so like minded people only can see each other in meetups from this site or other social medias like Facebook, although if it can make you feel better, a lot of people met their partner on AVEN, it could happen to you too, if you make friends here 

[Guest]

@cato 

[Guest]

@cato I have an idea though, maybe I could start a thread that is titled: Any asexuals from this site who work as a therapist? Maybe there is a few, who knows?

[Guest]

@cato Just started one, hope people will respond 

[Eutierria]

1 hour ago, cato said:

 

I wish it was possible to find a therapist who specializes in asexual people

I know of 2 people who work in peripheral domains & both identify as asexual. Might depend on regions. 

 

How do you feel about working online with people not from NYC? The timezone difference might make it really difficult...

[cato]

17 minutes ago, Eutierria said:

I know of 2 people who work in peripheral domains & both identify as asexual. Might depend on regions. 

 

How do you feel about working online with people not from NYC? The timezone difference might make it really difficult...

Oh, I don't care about working with people in NYC.  Therapy is entirely virtual these days, it feels like; I've never met my therapist in person, even though he's in NYC too.  I'm not even sure if he has an office anymore, so he might as well be on another planet.

 

Timezones don't bother me much; usually I do therapy during the day anyway since it's easier to schedule...  so def open to suggestions if you have any!

 

1 hour ago, somebody00 said:

@cato Just started one, hope people will respond 

Thanks!  We shall see

[Eutierria]

17 minutes ago, cato said:

Oh, I don't care about working with people in NYC.  Therapy is entirely virtual these days, it feels like; I've never met my therapist in person, even though he's in NYC too.  I'm not even sure if he has an office anymore, so he might as well be on another planet.

 

Timezones don't bother me much; usually I do therapy during the day anyway since it's easier to schedule...  so def open to suggestions if you have any!

OK, I'll check with them (not sure both are out to everyone) & get their permissions first. 

[Geekykitty]

5 hours ago, cato said:

Explaining your experience to someone who has never felt the way you do nor knows anyone in a similar situation does not particularly engender feelings of normalcy.  It just makes me feel terribly alone and abnormal.  (I like

I know what you mean about struggling to make your therapist understand you. I tried seeing several psychologists in the past for help with my anxiety and low self esteem caused by a skin condition. Every time I try to explain how my skin condition makes me feel and how I experience the anxiety I feel like they just don't get it at all. I really want a therapist to just understand what I'm going through, but maybe its impossible unless they have been through something similar?? 

I think you could always share your feelings on the forum here and at least find people who will understand - even though we might not be psychologists. I find it helpful sometimes just knowing I am not the only asexual and that others are also experiencing this. I also am a member on a site with others who have my skin condition and I find that helpful too as we can all complain together about how miserable we feel about our skin! 😫 

I'm sure there must be some asexual therapists out there, probably not many, but maybe try internet search?

[Eutierria]

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