What sexual attraction is? Feeling nervous about my asexuality.:(

[Guest]

I'm asexual, but sometimes have erotic fantasies, dreams and consequences of such dreams sexual discharge (or*asm). Well, despite this fact, I think I always have no libido. I do not want mast*rbate (but I wanted when I was a teenager). well I think my libido is too low, I guess.

I  feel nervous about it..(

My hormons are normal.

I connect my asexuality with my low libido (I mean I am asexual because of my low libido) and

-I don't  know whether it is correctly to think in a such way?

I feel sad about it. i am too sad.

People told me I should go to a doctor and he will cure me.

 

Well...

Sexual attraction is a directed libido. Yes/No? What do you think?

Libido is a desire for sexual activity. Yes/No?

If there is  no libido -there is ALWAYS no sexual attraction?

If a person has no libido, he will ALWAYS be asexual?

[Guest]

24 minutes ago, PurpleU said:

Sexual attraction is a directed libido. Yes/No? What do you think?

Libido is a desire for sexual activity. Yes/No?

If there is  no libido -there is ALWAYS no sexual attraction?

If a person has no libido, he will ALWAYS be asexual?

Sexual attraction when defining the difference between sexuality and asexuality is a desire to connect on a sexual level with other people.

 

Some asexuals have a very high libido and m@sturb@te multiple times a day, and some have no libido at all! but the difference is an asexual person's libido never manifests in a way that makes them actively desire sexual release with another.

 

On the flipside some sexual folks lose their libido and sometimes that can drive them to a deep depression because the underlying desire is still there, their body just won't react the way they need it to for them to express their desire with another.

 

Everything you explained about your personal experiences sounds like how many asexuals experience their asexuality if that helps. I can't label you, but your experience is very  common for many aces here

 

Edit; you don't need to feel sad about your libido though! Except I don't know if you mean it's sad because you have it or because it's low? Technically if you are ace then even if you suddenly got a high libido you will still be ace

 

[Guest]

Thank you so much  for your answer. It helped me a lot! I felt sad , because people told it is not ok. That is all)..

 

Well, i found another answer to my question:

"it's like asking, "Well, if you smell coffee but don't want to go get it right now, how can you still think it smells good?". To think that coffee smells delicious = attractiveness. Desire to go for coffee = desire. Sometimes these two concepts go hand in hand, and the idea that coffee smells nice/ has a pleasant taste, and the periodic desire to drink coffee are certainly connected. But you can think that coffee smells delicious without wanting to drink the coffee that you feel, and you can coffee that you feel, and you can want coffee without smelling it first.you smell coffee, but you don't want to go for it right now, sexual attraction and sexual desire are two different experiences."

Well, this is quite interesting information. Now I think that some people , who have sexual  attraction, but have no libido are exist. 😳😇

 

 

[hypnopompic]

To me, libido and sexual attraction are not the same. I personally have a sex drive but is is not triggered by feeling sexual desire for someone; in fact, I have never felt that in my life. As a woman, my libido is entirely determined by my menstrual cycle and has nothing to do with other people. Sometimes I get up in the morning and feel restless, that's when I know that if I weren't asexual, I'd probably seek out my partner to have sex to relieve that tension. I have spoken to other asexuals who also consider libido a purely biological thing that cannot be influenced by psychological components such as love, affection, intimacy, attraction or desire.

[Guest]

There are different oppinions on what sexual attraction is so, IDK what to answer. 

 

People here say that if you do not feel an innate desire for sex with another person, then you'd be asexual. 

[Guest]

some say that arousal is just a response, but IDK if that's really respecting it correctly. I think it's certainly possible to feel arousal as a response, but I feel like mine is directly linked to attraction in some kind of way. arousal also isn't only a physical thing, it can also be mental. 

[nanogretchen4]

I think sexual attraction is attraction that makes you want to have sex with the person you are attracted to. 

 

Libido is the urge to do something sexual. In the case of asexuals, it usually means the urge to masturbate. Many asexuals have a libido in this sense, but some don't. 

 

I wouldn't use the directed libido wording since on AVEN libido is mostly about masturbation and asexuality is mostly about not being attracted to other people in a way that makes you want to have sex with the people you are attracted to. 

 

You can have no libido and be asexual and you can also have a libido and be asexual. In theory you could have no libido and experience responsive desire for sex with a partner once they do something to get you aroused. In that case you would not necessarily have to identify as asexual if that didn't feel like a good fit. 

 

I think asking yourself whether you want to have sex with other people for your own sexual gratification is probably the least confusing way to decide if the asexual label will be useful for you. Fantasies you do not want to act on do not count, and erotic dreams especially do not count. Ask yourself whether there is or has ever been someone you wanted to actually have sex with in real life.

 

 

[Borderline]

 I define/reflect on my own asexuality with:
Despite fragments of attraction and libido I have, does it bleed to my social life at all? Will I treat others differently due it? Seek sexual companionship? Check others out lustfully? Flirt? Even miss not doing any of those? Fantasizing something doesn't mean you want it in flesh and real life. What you do ONLY with yourself inside your walls doesn't need to define social you in any meaningful way. We are not going to pride with our wet dreams, but with our varied life paths. Or something like that~ This "though" of mine isn't 100% polished yet.

 

 I kind of see sexual attraction as "what triggers sexual emotions" & libido as "what triggers sexual actions". Or I at least compare them as such in here. As others have said, even sexual people can not have libido. You can like people in that way, even if the emotion triggers no action. Mind can be willing when flesh his not. And in reverse, flesh can enjoy the pre-programmed response to practical sexual stimuli even if mind finds no target.