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Questioning/New to forum/Celeb Crush


Jessica242

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Hi my name is Jessica. I just discovered this forum. When I first learned about asexuality years ago I thought it could fit me, but I wasn’t sure cause I found celebrities cute. However, I have never had a desire for sex and don’t really want or feel any need to be in a sexual relationship. I also didn’t really find anyone in my school cute. My friends would frequently ask who I liked and I would say no one and they would not believe me. One time they made me take the yearbook and tell them someone I had a crush on and I picked a random guy who I thought looked okay. Then a few years later I got the chance to have a relationship with a guy friend of mine who I thought I had a crush on (or maybe I just liked him a romantic way and not a sexual way).  When he told me he liked me I remember being excited calling a friend to tell her I was going on a date. But the second I hung up the phone I felt awful and not in a  nervous but happy way but like something was wrong. Like all the things I could possibly be expected to do in a relationship sexual wise hit me and I ended up canceling the date before it happened and we just remained good friends.

 

So I feel like there are guys I have found cute before (like I think David Tennant is handsome), but when it comes to anything past just thinking someone is cute I just don’t feel it. I feel like I could go my whole life without having sex and be perfectly happy and it is not anything I need or want at all.

 

The celeb crush stuff though is confusing me and I am just not sure. I really think I could be asexual because that fits me the most I think and I’m still trying to figure out who or If I like anyone romantically. I feel like this is something I’ve known deep down since I found out the definition of asexual, but I am also seeing a lot of people who are asexual talking about never having a crush on celebrity and like I had crushes I think on celebrities or at least found them good looking for specific reasons (like I think David Tennant has cute hair), but thinking about them in a sexual way idk. I’m basically not sure if I am asexual, but I think I am though the celeb crush thing is kind of holding me back cause I know I thought they were cute but that is really it and idk does that count as having sexual attraction for someone?

 

When I think about being with someone in a sexual way I either feel uninterested or uncomfortable.
 

A lot of my experiences I feel have been similar to other people who are asexual. But then I will see stuff about people never having a celeb crush and it kind of has me confused cause I really have no desire or need for a sexual relationship, but what does that mean if I find some celebrities cute but that is as far as things go for me. 


I hope I do not sound ignorant or anything. I just don’t really know if I am asexual or not and I’m just really looking for help in figuring it out. I also apologize for the rambling.

 

Has anyone had similar experiences or felt like this before? 

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@Jessica242 Hello. Welcome to AVEN! :cake:

 

I'm just letting you know I've moved your thread from the Welcome Lounge forum (which is where members introduce themselves, their hobbies, etc.) to the "Questions about Asexuality" forum (which is for discussions, help with questioning about asexuality, etc.)

 

I hope this helps!

 

LeChat,

Welcome Lounge, Announcements, and Alternate Language moderator

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Sister Mercurial

I've had crushes on various famous people.  I've also had crushes on non-famous people, none of whom had the slightest interest in me, which made me wonder if I am ace and drawn to people with whom nothing will ever happen because nothing will happen. 

 

However, I'm not certain this is the case.  The other possibility is that I have a capability for desire that doesn't fit society's expected timetables because I need to get to know more about them first.  This may sound paradoxical when I have some crushes on people I can never really get to know as people, but even if I can't really know them, I know more about someone from reading about them and enjoying their work for years than I do about a random person on a date who is just saying whatever they think will get them laid.  

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12 hours ago, Jessica242 said:

So I feel like there are guys I have found cute before (like I think David Tennant is handsome), but when it comes to anything past just thinking someone is cute I just don’t feel it. 

Know what you mean and I don’t think it is a conflict with being asexual.  Unless you watch UK TV you probably won’t get this, but Tommy Shelby in Peaky Blinders is absolutely sexy to me. Note, Tommy Shelby, not the actor Cillian Murphy, who plays him.  Also I find his romantic actions appealing but couldn’t imagine any physical interaction.  I was watching Conversations with Friends and found Nick very attractive but when he kissed Frances and I got a glimpse of his tongue I felt sick.  I also found Bobbie attractive and I definitely wouldn’t want a relationship with another woman.  To me, I consider this to be a part of being heteroromantic and asexual. I would be happy to have the romantic encounters with men such as those above but wouldn’t want to go beyond cuddling.

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4 hours ago, Latestarter said:

Know what you mean and I don’t think it is a conflict with being asexual.  Unless you watch UK TV you probably won’t get this, but Tommy Shelby in Peaky Blinders is absolutely sexy to me. Note, Tommy Shelby, not the actor Cillian Murphy, who plays him.  Also I find his romantic actions appealing but couldn’t imagine any physical interaction.  I was watching Conversations with Friends and found Nick very attractive but when he kissed Frances and I got a glimpse of his tongue I felt sick.  I also found Bobbie attractive and I definitely wouldn’t want a relationship with another woman.  To me, I consider this to be a part of being heteroromantic and asexual. I would be happy to have the romantic encounters with men such as those above but wouldn’t want to go beyond cuddling.

Yes! I have not seen Peaky Blinders, but I do watch a lot of British TV like Doctor Who and Broadchurch (as you can see I really like David Tennant). I also love shipping and when my favorite ships get together. But like as much as I love my ships being together and I’m happy if they have sex and stuff. I never feel like I wanna do that. Like I’m never picturing myself being Rose Tyler kissing the Tenth Doctor or anything like that. One show I love is Good Omens (another David Tennant series surprise 😂) because of Aziraphale and Crowley who have been headcannoned as being an asexual relationship. I know they are in love and idk if that is cannon officially with them being asexual but I totally agree. I also see what you mean about tongue. When I think about being really sexual with a person even if it is a fantasy I always feel either grossed out/uncomfortable or just nothing/no reaction at all. 

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Have you got the right word ‘ships’?  I can’t quite picture large boats having sex.

 

Did you watch David Tennant and Michael Sheen in the series ‘Staged’ which was filmed during the UK lockdown and is done mainly using video conferencing?  Quite clever.  It is scripted but appears totally informal with both actors in their own homes.  You’ll see David in a totally different way to his normal acting persona.  You might be able to view it via YouTube.

 

 I really enjoyed Good Omens.  Hope there will be a Season 3.

 

 

 

 

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Sister Mercurial
2 hours ago, Latestarter said:

Have you got the right word ‘ships’?  I can’t quite picture large boats having sex.

 

As far as I'm aware, to 'ship' a particular pair of characters in a work of fiction - book, TV series, whatever - is to hope those two characters will end up as a couple, so I assume that's where it comes from.  To 'root for' them would be more logical, given the Australian meaning of 'to root', but that's not the term that's been adopted.  

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On 9/25/2022 at 12:11 AM, Sister Mercurial said:

As far as I'm aware, to 'ship' a particular pair of characters in a work of fiction - book, TV series, whatever - is to hope those two characters will end up as a couple, so I assume that's where it comes from.  To 'root for' them would be more logical, given the Australian meaning of 'to root', but that's not the term that's been adopted.  

"ship" is short for relationship. It means when you root for two people to be romantically and/or sexually involved together, mainly fictional characters. People have been sharing their love of specific "ships" for years on social media. The given name of a specific ship is usually a smashing together of peoples' names,  Brangelina being the most famous for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. 

 

With regards to celebrity crushes, I have alot. You can feel romantic attraction without sexual attraction and you are still legitimately asexual. Some asexuals don't experience any kind of attraction and have never had a crush. But some asexuals do have crushes, some feel romantic attraction. 

 

 

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That explains why the use of the word ship didn’t make sense to me. I’m probably too old and don’t use social media enough to use the terminology. I still have to look up some of the text abbreviations.  In that case I definitely hope that some characters get together romantically and/sexually.

 

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Not going to lie, I find a handful of celebrities attractive for various reasons, it's to me, more of an appreciation for the type of person they are in society, or how I've found some part of them beautiful. Their eyes, thier hair, thier height, how fit they are or created by millions of different possibilities to look just perfect as a human that they exist. I've had deep and time after time, repeated inner thoughts about my past relationships with people in general, as well as my attempts in romantic relationships. I realize that I basically wasn't interested in initiating anything, I've had sexual experiences but nothing I found enjoyable in it, it was more irritating than anything. I can honestly say I'm attracted to things about certain people, but I can't actually see myself trying to gain that kind of attention from them. 

At the age of 6, I thought maybe I liked my friend, and was confused about my interests, I appreciated certain things about the female body, kind of a judgment on scale of what I precieved pretty, more so what I disliked about myself in comparison.. I noticed I started doing the same things looking at boys. Jealous about the different abilities and inabilities from both sides. I dated a couple girls, never and I mean NEVER wanted them to touche in any way other than cuddles, hugs, kisses are too emotionally attaching and I have always stayed away from such things just because I never felt that want to be so connected to anyone. I feel like if a person was with me for a long time and they were worth me giving my time, my desire to care for them was appreciated and they cared for me too, that would be earning of a kiss. But because it's out of a genuine return of a real love. Not just some action for seeing a desire in a sexual compliance if that makes sense. I have three kids. It wasn't because I enjoyed the activity in making them, it was simply because I wanted to care for and nurture the life of someone else. A love that required no sexual needs at all I between. 

To me any love that Asexuals have for any other person in this world is truly a deeper and more meaningful love. Not saying "I love you" to get anything in return but respect and care. It's truly beautiful and appreciated. I'm so glad I found the documentary on Tubi to learn about this website.  I only just joined today itself, and I'm thrilled I'm not alone. 

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