Romance?

[Nobody2021]

So, it’s been a looong journey for me to finally get to where I am in terms of understanding myself for the most part. If I keep digging, I can probably narrow things down even more, but in general I’m comfortable thinking of myself as a lithromantic asexual. Now that that is out of the way, I’ve been curious about things and just wanted to know about other’s experiences/thoughts.

Up until the 4th grade I went to the same elementary school and a lot of the kids I knew always ended up in the same class as me throughout those years then in 5th grade my parents sent me to another school in the same district, but not the one that I was supposed to go to. All the kids I knew since like kinder or 1st grade were gone and I had to start all over in a new school. Up until then, my elementary group of friends were fairly “innocent” and not really interested in each other, then in 5th grade it was like all these girls I didn’t know were all interested in boys. I don’t know if all my friends from elementary “grew up” over that summer as well, but In my experience in my middle school, these kids were a lot more “mature”. I don’t know if puberty exacerbated my childhood trauma, that I became unable to really connect to the boys. In elementary I had boy friends, but from middle school all the way through high school my male friends were practically non-existent. Finally in college I finally made male friends, mostly because I went into a male-dominated course, but that’s besides the fact.

I’ve come to the realization that I do not understand romance, like at all and I’m ok with that.

It just boggles my mind.I’ve realized that I’ve never really wanted romance in my life even when I’ve had some major crushes in my life. I actually hated feeling all flustered and nervous around my crushes. 

Also, in my life I’ve been approached romantically 3 times, and 2 of those times I straight up refused them and the third time I played around with the idea of possibly dating this person even if I was not the least bit interested in them romantically, but in the end it didn’t go anywhere.

I wonder if subconsciously since I’m not interested in romance, if I put up walls that make me unapproachable?

 

 

So the point of this post, I’m curious to know what you guys think? What have you experienced in terms of romance and attraction (people being attracted to you).

 

 

[omar.405]

Your last experience sounds a hell of a lot like mine. Took a selfie up on a hill on my own, was there with a few folks from uni, but then one of my coursemates jumped in an exclaimed "oh it's our first photo together!". I tried pursuing from there for a bit and just chickened out, I guess? I'm so so so so bad at talking it's unreal. I don't know why I didn't go further, perhaps it may be subconscious, but in any case I can definitely see myself in your post.