Jump to content

Can I use Asexual as a label still? Or is there another term that can fit me


Recommended Posts

I hope I put this in the right section???

if not let me know 

 

so after years of questioning and fixing my sexual trauma! I finally feel sexual attraction/Romantic attraction! All the attractions Only towards women/feminine genders. So it’s pretty cool though, but it’s also not haha.

 

i do not experience sexual/romantic/ sometimes even no alterous attraction to cishet men/masculine genders still. I can only maybe feel a queer platonic attraction, and I am currently in a 3 year relationship with a guy but I still don’t feel the normal attractions. I just feel like he’s my partner , and I’m also poly and maybe one day date a girl! Because I am missing out on something that I haven’t felt in a very long time.

Ik the label bi lesbian exists but the clash back of that is scary and most people don’t understand that it’s separate. Ik also bi usually means two or more genders and usually people think male + female . When that’s not the case for me at all.

can I still use Ace/Aro? Since I’m open to dating all people but it does not mean I am attracted to them in any way. It’s really hard for me to even feel an emotional connection in general. 
i am 100% attracted tho to women/femininity !

i wish there was a singular label that exists 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure why you wouldn't just identify as a lesbian. Many lesbians have experience dating men, usually when they're in the process of figuring themselves out, and sometimes those relationships have been with guys they really care about and like, sometimes even love in a platonic way. But if a woman is only sexually and romantically interested in other women, she's a lesbian.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, Ceebs said:

I'm not sure why you wouldn't just identify as a lesbian. Many lesbians have experience dating men, usually when they're in the process of figuring themselves out, and sometimes those relationships have been with guys they really care about and like, sometimes even love in a platonic way. But if a woman is only sexually and romantically interested in other women, she's a lesbian.

Yes you are right! Technically i am a lesbian haha, it’s just I identify as non binary and Ik lesbians can be non binary but once again the clashback that exists in the lesbian community is filled with gate keepers ! 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah yeah, that's understandable. IMO, you can still identify as a lesbian. Ignore the gatekeepers as much as you can.

 

@Life Of Tass might have a bit more direct experience with this than I do, as they're a nonbinary lesbian I believe. (Hope it's ok to tag you!)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
37 minutes ago, Gravityy said:

Yes you are right! Technically i am a lesbian haha, it’s just I identify as non binary and Ik lesbians can be non binary but once again the clashback that exists in the lesbian community is filled with gate keepers ! 

I know a few nonbinary people who also identify as lesbians. I was a little confused the first time I heard about it, since I had always understood lesbians to be women loving women. However, I read up on it and it seems that since gender nonconformity has historically been a big thing in the lesbian community, the idea of nonbinary lesbians isn't strange. Some say that they have always existed and played big roles in the community. I know there are some lesbians who think nonbinary people should be excluded, but to me it seems like they are a vocal minority. IMO, the arguments for including them seem stronger. I can understand why you'd be hesitant given how worked up some people get about it, though.

 

Dang, Ceebs beat me to tagging the person I was going to tag. :P

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the tag Ceebs, I might not have seen this thread otherwise!

 

Anyway, @Gravityy, yeah, lesbians can be nonbinary, and nonbinary people can be lesbians! There have been lesbians all around the gender spectrum since the beginning of time basically. There's transfemme lesbians and transmasc lesbians and genderqueer lesbians like me and people who feel like "lesbian" describes both their sexuality and gender identity (again, like me). For a very famous historical example, look no further than Leslie Feinberg.

 

And yes, I'm not going to lie to you. Many transphobic bigots, both inside and outside of the lesbian experience, really don't like the fact that we exist. But much to their chagrin we'll keep on existing anyway, just as we always have. It does hurt to face rejection in spaces that toot their own horn for how "accepting" they are, but... better that they show their true colours so that we can go elsewhere and find genuine support.

 

I can't really speak on the whole "relationships with men" thing because I've never personally been in one, but I'll tell you something in general. Sexualities are often far more complex than we perceive them to be. Here's something from 2004 I stumbled upon online that talks about how subjective queer labels and queer experiences are (spoilered because it does contain language that breaks TOS, but I still find it valuable)

 

Spoiler

3a917bcd_original.jpg?v=f17837d2

 

And this was around 18 years ago. With how both the internet and our view of sexuality has evolved, we now have so many other perspectives and new language and everything. When I was younger, I thought that every part of my identity could fit into a neat little box. Now, I know that this is not the case. Some parts of me are contradictory. Some parts of me are better left unlabeled. Sometimes it's better to just go ahead and live your life and do as you please rather than not doing so because "you still don't know what you want so it would be unacceptable to show yourself to other people while not really knowing who you are". I've heard "it's okay to not know" before, and now I say "it's okay to be contradictory".

 

(Damn, I sure seem to be popular around this thread! I'm honoured 😂)

 

Anyways, sorry if my train of thought is a bit all over the place, I'm kind of exhausted right now. But if you have any questions for me, anything at all, do go ahead and ask me, and I'll do my best to answer! Good luck!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

(Also, apologies since I didn't pick up on you being enby @Gravityy... pronouns don't show on mobile unless you go to someone's profile, and I was just assuming you identified as female based on the rest of your phrasing.)

 

24 minutes ago, Life Of Tass said:

(Damn, I sure seem to be popular around this thread! I'm honoured 😂)

I think you're AVEN's go-to non-binary sexual lesbian haha.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Ceebs said:

I think you're AVEN's go-to non-binary sexual lesbian haha.

work.jpg

 

😂

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Another option is Sapphic. It is an umbrella term that includes lesbians, bisexuals, and pansexuals and is specifically inclusive of trans and nonbinary people with any of these orientations. It sounds like you are bisexual and nonbinary, so you are definitely under the Sapphic umbrella. However, it's vague enough that lesbian gatekeepers can't complain since they don't know whether you ID as a lesbian or not and people who don't understand what bisexuality is probably won't ask annoying questions because they can't tell whether you are bisexual or not.

 

If you want something more specific bisexual seems totally accurate and does not require you to specify your gender. The worse that can happen is it could get boring to explain that you are attracted to two or more genders and men aren't one of them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...