lullabystories Posted September 20, 2022 Share Posted September 20, 2022 I'm not sure I like the narrative of queer people being confused at all. It just so happens that I'm queer and I have no idea how to understand my mind or body. I'm posting here because for the past 5+ years I've been dead sure about my sexuality. But before that, I had a hard time coming to terms with being asexual because I am allo-passing. I'd imagine I would enjoy sex because masturbating feels nice. I also have a high libido. The frustrating part comes from being constantly horny but still feeling like I'm still waiting to feel that sexual attraction to someone knowing that I probably never will. I'm setting myself up for disappointment and I hate the feeling. It's like I like the idea of sex (I mainly find the pleasure appealing) but I'm apathetic towards actually engaging in sexual activity. Although my interest doesn't translate to desire, I sometimes feel like I'm a fake asexual. Being sex favourable, horny and biromantic makes it hard for me to feel valid in my own sexual identity. I just don't know anymore. I'll even have urges like "Oh, that looks like that feels nice" but the second my line of thought gies down the line of having sex with someone, I just kinda lose that initial interest. It just gets confusing sometimes because I've spent years trying to understand my sexuality. I feel like it's changed too. It used to be more clear cut to me because I'm only recently having this "interest" in sex, although I've always had a high libido. I know that asexuality is a spectrum but I'm still struggling to take my ace flag out of my box and hang it proudly on my wall. I know that labels are supposed to be for our own benefit but I'm at a point where I need others' input. Do I still appear to be asexual or am I just trying to forcibly fit my current experience into the ace spectrum. I really value the community's opinion. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sleepy_Panda Posted September 20, 2022 Share Posted September 20, 2022 1 hour ago, lullabystories said: I'm not sure I like the narrative of queer people being confused at all. It just so happens that I'm queer and I have no idea how to understand my mind or body. I'm posting here because for the past 5+ years I've been dead sure about my sexuality. But before that, I had a hard time coming to terms with being asexual because I am allo-passing. I'd imagine I would enjoy sex because masturbating feels nice. I also have a high libido. The frustrating part comes from being constantly horny but still feeling like I'm still waiting to feel that sexual attraction to someone knowing that I probably never will. I'm setting myself up for disappointment and I hate the feeling. It's like I like the idea of sex (I mainly find the pleasure appealing) but I'm apathetic towards actually engaging in sexual activity. Although my interest doesn't translate to desire, I sometimes feel like I'm a fake asexual. Being sex favourable, horny and biromantic makes it hard for me to feel valid in my own sexual identity. I just don't know anymore. I'll even have urges like "Oh, that looks like that feels nice" but the second my line of thought gies down the line of having sex with someone, I just kinda lose that initial interest. It just gets confusing sometimes because I've spent years trying to understand my sexuality. I feel like it's changed too. It used to be more clear cut to me because I'm only recently having this "interest" in sex, although I've always had a high libido. I know that asexuality is a spectrum but I'm still struggling to take my ace flag out of my box and hang it proudly on my wall. I know that labels are supposed to be for our own benefit but I'm at a point where I need others' input. Do I still appear to be asexual or am I just trying to forcibly fit my current experience into the ace spectrum. I really value the community's opinion. Hey there, I just wanted to mention that libido, being sex favorable and masturbating does not necessarily means you are allosexual. Taking into consideration the only thing that actually is related to whether you are in the ace-spec or not (the lack of sexual attraction) I would say you sound pretty ace to me. Do not worry about "looking" ace. Even if you later in life discover that the label does not suit you, that's ok, as long as it serves you to describe your experience at the moment you can use it freely. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RileyA Posted September 20, 2022 Share Posted September 20, 2022 Have you ever had a mutual, reciprocated, romantic bond with someone else? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lullabystories Posted September 20, 2022 Author Share Posted September 20, 2022 1 hour ago, RileyA said: Have you ever had a mutual, reciprocated, romantic bond with someone else? I've never had that either. Only this unreciprocated, little crushes 😮💨 1 hour ago, Sleepy_Panda said: Hey there, I just wanted to mention that libido, being sex favorable and masturbating does not necessarily means you are allosexual. Taking into consideration the only thing that actually is related to whether you are in the ace-spec or not (the lack of sexual attraction) I would say you sound pretty ace to me. Do not worry about "looking" ace. Even if you later in life discover that the label does not suit you, that's ok, as long as it serves you to describe your experience at the moment you can use it freely. This is really validating. Sometimes it feels like I'm contradicting myself but after looking through some other threads in the forums, I think I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable with the label again. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 20, 2022 Share Posted September 20, 2022 8 hours ago, lullabystories said: I'm not sure I like the narrative of queer people being confused at all. It just so happens that I'm queer and I have no idea how to understand my mind or body. I'm posting here because for the past 5+ years I've been dead sure about my sexuality. But before that, I had a hard time coming to terms with being asexual because I am allo-passing. I'd imagine I would enjoy sex because masturbating feels nice. I also have a high libido. The frustrating part comes from being constantly horny but still feeling like I'm still waiting to feel that sexual attraction to someone knowing that I probably never will. I'm setting myself up for disappointment and I hate the feeling. It's like I like the idea of sex (I mainly find the pleasure appealing) but I'm apathetic towards actually engaging in sexual activity. Although my interest doesn't translate to desire, I sometimes feel like I'm a fake asexual. Being sex favourable, horny and biromantic makes it hard for me to feel valid in my own sexual identity. I just don't know anymore. I'll even have urges like "Oh, that looks like that feels nice" but the second my line of thought gies down the line of having sex with someone, I just kinda lose that initial interest. It just gets confusing sometimes because I've spent years trying to understand my sexuality. I feel like it's changed too. It used to be more clear cut to me because I'm only recently having this "interest" in sex, although I've always had a high libido. I know that asexuality is a spectrum but I'm still struggling to take my ace flag out of my box and hang it proudly on my wall. I know that labels are supposed to be for our own benefit but I'm at a point where I need others' input. Do I still appear to be asexual or am I just trying to forcibly fit my current experience into the ace spectrum. I really value the community's opinion. Hey, remember that your identity is very valid, and that there is no one right way to be ace. Use the label you use right now as long as you feel comfortable with it. You can and should hang that flag and be proud of your asexuality (it's ok to change labels as well though) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted September 20, 2022 Share Posted September 20, 2022 Asexuality is basically not wanting to have sex with any other person. You don't want it, you don't desire it, if you have it you don't really enjoy it. It doesn't have anything to do with wanting a romantic relationship -- wanting romance and wanting sex are two different things; sometimes they come together, sometimes they don't. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tezzley Posted September 20, 2022 Share Posted September 20, 2022 I relate to what you are saying. I'm queer and sex positive, have a high libido, enjoy masturbating and fantasising, and have an aesthetic appreciation for some men, which is why I didn't realize I'm asexual until recently. When it comes to sex I find I'm not really into it, the idea is more exciting than actually doing it. I'm happy having sex sometimes, seeing your partner enjoy it can be nice, and you feel close to them after, so sex can mean a lot of thing. At the same time, I might meet someone and things change, I don't think I will, but sexuality can change over time. Don't feel you're being I authentic by identifying as asexual. If you feel it doesn't fit anymore that's fine, and if it still resonates then keep identifying. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 On 9/20/2022 at 7:57 AM, lullabystories said: You wrote " "It's like I like the idea of sex (I mainly find the pleasure appealing) but I'm apathetic towards actually engaging in sexual activity. Although my interest doesn't translate to desire, I sometimes feel like I'm a fake asexual". ". Well, some asexual people may wanna have sex with other people EVEN WITHOUT SEXUAL ATTRACTION! It happens because they may like ... sexual practices or they like the process of sex. Maybe "cupiosexual" microlable would suit you.. Quote Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.