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Musing/rant on strength, sexism and some women letting the side down.


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notactuallymerida
On 12/2/2022 at 11:36 PM, Acing It said:

What are those? I know that many people's eyes grow as big as plates when you do your own plumbing as a woman lol. Is it worse as a man if they say they sew their own clothes I wonder? 

I really don't care anymore these days. There's youtube if I don't know how to do things and I've tiled a floor, which looks really great, I have done my own plumbing without anyone telling me how to, and it works, etc... 

What skills I’d like to know but am not allowed to learn? Yes, plumbing but also everything related to cars and fixing things around the house. My biggest problem is that I’m not exactly good at learning things online (as Covid-19 has proven), I’d benefit way more from having someone teach me (be it a parent or an instructor, yes I’d actually be willing to pay someone for that) It’s great that online classes or videos help you, but that’s not the case for everyone. 

 

And idk about men and sewing but I know that nowadays people are way more accepting of men who like cooking. I actually don’t know too many people (man or woman) who know how to sew clothes.

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3 hours ago, notactuallymerida said:

And idk about men and sewing but I know that nowadays people are way more accepting of men who like cooking. I actually don’t know too many people (man or woman) who know how to sew clothes.

And that's so odd, because most of the "great" chefs are men, and many fashion designers (who start out by learning sewing) are men.  Yet in real life families, those are considered to be women's work.  So the men get paid for their work, but women do it unpaid for their families.

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If it makes you happy, and you're aware of what the job is going to do to you physically down the road, then why the.fuck not? Its harder to be happy than to be employed and if you can do both then you've found something special. 

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On 12/10/2022 at 9:57 PM, notactuallymerida said:

It’s great that online classes or videos help you, but that’s not the case for everyone. 

Fair enough! My point was that no one should be told what they can and can't learn. There's always a (personalised) way around it if there's a will. 

On 12/10/2022 at 9:57 PM, notactuallymerida said:

And idk about men and sewing but I know that nowadays people are way more accepting of men who like cooking. I actually don’t know too many people (man or woman) who know how to sew clothes.

Very true. Men cooking however... I know it's a stereotype but the times I've heard about men cooking, using every receptacle and tool in the entire kitchen, and then 'the woman' is left to clean it all up I've often been told. Many men need to be admired for cooking a meal as well I've often heard, as it's 'special'. Fortunately, the stereotype of 'the women' cooking at home, everyday meals and 'the man' being the professional chef is disappearing. 

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On 12/11/2022 at 1:02 AM, Sally said:

And that's so odd, because most of the "great" chefs are men, and many fashion designers (who start out by learning sewing) are men.  Yet in real life families, those are considered to be women's work.  So the men get paid for their work, but women do it unpaid for their families.

It's the 'high status' is male, versus 'low status' is female thing. Sad, but fortunately slowly changing (over here anyway). 

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On 9/21/2022 at 8:33 AM, E said:

 

There's no denying that some work and some jobs do require physical strength. But leave it to the people that actually want to do those jobs. The rest will filter out and away from those types of jobs, and whatever their reasons are, it's valid, because at the end of the day a job is just a job. 

That's all nice and well, and I agree, but what if someone is able to do a physical job and then grows older and has failing strength to still do that job well, but isn't able to move away from it. Bricklayers for instance. There was a discussion here quite a while ago that bricklayers should be allowed to retire early. 

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notactuallymerida
On 12/13/2022 at 8:50 PM, Acing It said:

Fair enough! My point was that no one should be told what they can and can't learn. There's always a (personalised) way around it if there's a will. 

Oh, now I see! And I totally agree with you. But I’d love more classes on different "How to be an adult" topics, especially for young adults whose parents didn’t or couldn’t teach them. Sadly I’ve never come across anyone offering one.

 

On 12/13/2022 at 8:50 PM, Acing It said:

Very true. Men cooking however... I know it's a stereotype but the times I've heard about men cooking, using every receptacle and tool in the entire kitchen, and then 'the woman' is left to clean it all up I've often been told. Many men need to be admired for cooking a meal as well I've often heard, as it's 'special'. Fortunately, the stereotype of 'the women' cooking at home, everyday meals and 'the man' being the professional chef is disappearing. 

Idk and I guess I’m not going to find out because I don’t intend to live with men. I think that one person doing the cooking and the other being responsible for cleaning can be a fair arrangement if the cook doesn’t make messes on purpose or out of carelessness.

Also, anybody should know basic cooking skills. I’m not a chef myself and I absolutely loathe cooking, but I know how to not starve. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/18/2022 at 10:08 PM, notactuallymerida said:

I think that one person doing the cooking and the other being responsible for cleaning can be a fair arrangement if the cook doesn’t make messes on purpose or out of carelessness.

It can be, but not if it's something that's fixed and taken for granted. It can only be a fair arrangement if it's fairly discussed and agreed upon. It's the difference in the expectations and treatment between those hypothetical (though I've heard often enough where it's real) men and women. 

On 12/18/2022 at 10:08 PM, notactuallymerida said:

Also, anybody should know basic cooking skills. I’m not a chef myself and I absolutely loathe cooking, but I know how to not starve. 

oh I agree. But with that comes working with respect for the other person in your house or life and taking care of the cleaning up as well as the cooking... It can't be that if you cook as a woman it's regarded as 'it's what you do' and you do the cleanup, but when the man in the relationship or family cooks it needs to be admired and seen as 'special' with the woman implicitly expected to clean up the 'bomb shell' kitchen. It's a bit like Christmas over here. I've learnt to escape it, but traditionally, or in the past, it's been women doing all the work and the men and visitors enjoying Christmas, sitting back, drinking and eating. It's about fairness I think. And responsibility. 

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notactuallymerida
4 hours ago, Acing It said:

It can be, but not if it's something that's fixed and taken for granted. It can only be a fair arrangement if it's fairly discussed and agreed upon. It's the difference in the expectations and treatment between those hypothetical (though I've heard often enough where it's real) men and women. 

Of course you should agree upon things like that, if possible even before moving in together.

4 hours ago, Acing It said:

oh I agree. But with that comes working with respect for the other person in your house or life and taking care of the cleaning up as well as the cooking...

It can't be that if you cook as a woman it's regarded as 'it's what you do' and you do the cleanup, but when the man in the relationship or family cooks it needs to be admired and seen as 'special' with the woman implicitly expected to clean up the 'bomb shell' kitchen. It's a bit like Christmas over here. I've learnt to escape it, but traditionally, or in the past, it's been women doing all the work and the men and visitors enjoying Christmas, sitting back, drinking and eating. It's about fairness I think. And responsibility. 

While I agree with you that you should always treat the other people in your house with respect, I don’t see why one person should have to do both of the tasks (cleaning and cooking) alone. In my opinion it’s perfectly fair if both people are involved in both tasks, but also if they decide to split the chores (as long as one partner doesn’t make the other partner’s task harder.) I’d happily clean up if that meant not having to cook. 

Also I 100% get the Christmas problem. Nowadays I’ll just do my share of the work (let’s say we’re five people so I’m doing 20% of the work) and if someone else doesn’t do their share it’s not my problem. I just won’t do it. The others can either work more, accept that some things won’t be getting done or talk to the person who’s the problem.

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