"I'm not like other romantics"

[binary suns]

I like it just popped into my mind what if I'm not alterous I'm just alloromantic and I'm falling to the trap where I think "I'm not like other romantics" but in reality romantic people have a wide variety of experiences and not being like others doesn't make me not romantic?

 

 

IDK I'm like, confused about this now. 

 

What do you think?

 

What I do experience is the following:

• I like the person a lot - they're special
• I want to look at them because they're attractive (this is a combined emotional and aesthetic appreciation)
• I want to talk to them
• I want touch
• I want to be important to them
• I feel a kind of loving appreciation of them
• I want to be close to them in some way, which includes being open to a romantic or QP relationship - but not specifically. Just being close friends with them would make me happy.
• I do feel as if, if they don't like me in some way, I would be sad - specifically, that I want to be important to them. 

 

and that's it I think. And that's the thing... that's it! That's why I'm like "it isn't romantic attraction" because none of the typical romantic things are something that I think of or want. But it' can be really intense, which is why I think it isn't platonic. or rather, it doesn't feel like what I might feel platonically when I like someone. I don't think I feel platonic attraction, because any time I like someone platonically it doesn't feel like I'm drawn to them it just feels like getting along with them and appreciating them. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

That does sound romantic to me, and maybe you have different love languages, though there is a wide range of how people can be, not just neat little boxes, so you could probably relate to alloromantic or grayromantic, depending on things. Only you can know what feels good or makes sense for identifying :).

 

If someone you like that way would get a romantic partner and spend less time with you but still consider you important, how would you feel? (not that it necessarily means romantic or not, but just wondering how you'd feel in those cases.)

[Lysandre, the Star-Crossed]

Have you ever worked with a group of little kids on an art project? You tell them to draw a house and you get as many different interpretations of a house as there are kids, but there are still some obvious tendencies that run through the group. Everyone has roughly the same idea of what a house is at the core, but it's open to interpretation in the end.

 

Romance, and sex for that matter, works the same way. Where I draw the border between the two may be mostly in line with where you draw it, but we may differ slightly. The differences will usually not be enough that we couldn't at least understand what the intent was of the word we used to describe it, but they're still there.

[Philip027]

Quote

That's why I'm like "it isn't romantic attraction" because none of the typical romantic things are something that I think of or want.

A lot of that stuff is bollocks anyway.  Some of it feels downright unromantic to me.

 

What do *you* think is romantic?  What are the sorts of things you would (or would like to) feel/experience with a romantic partner that you wouldn't do with friends?

[Ceebs]

I mean, those are all the same things I feel as a romantic person, just with sexual intimacy as well since I'm not ace. Is there something else you think we (romantic people) experience?

[TormentDubz]

Could be alterous

[Guest]

18 hours ago, Ceebs said:

 Is there something else you think we (romantic people) experience?

1. 
   
2. actually wanting, actively, to date the person or be a romantic partner or whatever (as opposed to friendship)
3. Prefering dating them over friendship
4. getting jealous if the person is dating someone else already
5. prefering a romantic relationship over a qpr
6. not feeling into someone you're going on dates with if there isn't this romantic attraction there
7. wanting to hold hands 
8. actually linking the act of kissing to sexuality or romantic feelings (I'd kiss even a guy, and I've never been attracted to a guy. Literally asked someone who I mildly disliked if he wanted to kiss. My thinking was "he's a friend and would be insulted if I didn't ask")
9. literally reading articles on "what is romantic attraction" and not relating outside of some of the things that could be platonic (EG. wanting to have deep conversation with them)
10. Thinking of them AT ALL (spontaneously) when they're not around
11. IDK what did I list that someone can't feel for a friend tho? 

[Guest]

19 hours ago, Philip027 said:

  What are the sorts of things you would feel/experience with a romantic partner that you wouldn't do with friends?

1. being more comfortable being open with them about shit more often because they're showing that they want me in their life
2. sharing a life together
3. Feelinig comfortable looking at them cause they're pretty or gazing into their eyes (I would do this with a friend but unless we talked about it being cool with them I'd assume it'd be weird)