A question

[Mariiia]

Deleted

[v4point0]

Maybe not "normal", so to speak, but "typical".

I've met a lot of guys who were like that. You know, though, my husband isn't and I've met a lot of sexual guys who were much more respectful than what you're describing.

[Mad Larkin]

i think that is fairly typical as to normal, as was posted in another thread "normal" is just a label society forces on us,there is no such thing as normal,we are all individuals and that is what makes us special

[Chiaroscuro]

Hi Setare,

I'm in my forties, and some of what you describe I see in myself, but they're not so powerful or all-consuming. Back when I was younger, however (highschool/college), yes absolutely. I always tried to be a gentleman, but those internal pressures were always there. They required that I cope with them.

-Chiaroscuro

[Mariiia]

i think that is fairly typical as to normal, as was posted in another thread "normal" is just a label society forces on us,there is no such thing as normal,we are all individuals and that is what makes us special

With 'normal' i meant things which are ok to forgive or not ok. Smtimes all the people can be irritated, angry.But often i can't figure out what things should be considered as a real abuse& what are not. And if you should forgive these examples of a behaviour as smth that wasn't really meant.Sometimes we feel hurt or we feel resentment cos we take all too close to heart or we are too sensitive. Surely, i agree that it depends on an individual.

[square peg]

With 'normal' i meant things which are ok to forgive or not ok. Smtimes all the people can be irritated, angry.But often i can't figure out what things should be considered as a real abuse& what are not. And if you should forgive these examples of a behaviour as smth that wasn't really meant.Sometimes we feel hurt or we feel resentment cos we take all too close to heart or we are too sensitive. Surely, i agree that it depends on an individual.

I'd say if you think the harm being done to one or both of you is not worth the the good, then it's best to end it. This depends on you as individuals and what you can cope with. I wouldn't start thinking in terms of what other people would forgive or how society at large would class your situation, as you're the people living with the decision.

[Busrider]

For the record: I consider myself postsexual but still feel totally ok about physical intimacy and comfortable.

Do the following things belong to normal behaviour from a guy

I agree with Chiaroscuro that your lists describes a probably young guy' date=' who focused his sexual desires on you quite well.

What I'm wondering about is: According to your description the 2 of you currently don't seem to fit in any imaginable way. - I get a picture of a even physically non attracted if not even repulsed you and him being only bearable while he drives at full throttle against his brakes, which might be possible but unhealthy. So my suggestion is: Leave him alone. Let him find a sexual partner (if he's monoromantic). Say hello again and have the wonderful friend you want him to be.

1To get kind of annoyed when she denies to be physically intimate( like a wish to see her nude' date=' to kiss her, to touch etc.)=Distress, anxiety, restlessness, or irritability if unable to engage in the sexual behavior/intimacy. [/quote']It's one option. I myself am probably less driven than he whom you describe. I'd call my own emotion in such a case sadness / dissapointment. But I maybe learned to deal with it. Or since I'm not interested in sexuality, it isn't all that imortant to me anymore.

2 Inability to concentrate on other things when he has arousal& often just staying alone not to hurt her

From my POV this is a very extreme and unhealthy case that shouts for a world changing break.

I know guys like that. To me they seem like somebody going to the flowershop each morning trying to buy a sausage and a bun. - Sorry' date=' it's just as surreal.

The perception of what you are (willing to be) triggeres a extremely long vision / dream of stuff that guy wants you to be. It's like seeing some Volkswagen Beetle, previsualizing the Disney movie "The Love Bug" and wanting it to happen in real life, expecting that little car being ready to race.

His urge to stay alone seems proof that he can't handle what you aren't compared to his dreams of you. Even the worst fool in love seems to have bright moments. Encurage him to refocus his feelings on somebody else and stop hurting each other.

3 To hurt her emotionally sometimes because of the differences in their feelings towards intimacy

That might be normal, if one considers his obviously strong and not replied desires. - Again a reason to break with the whole thing as it is. You are a person deserving not to be hurt and he is similar. Since you have no common main goal for a relationship, it seems doomed.

4 To always think about some intimacy when having arousal

I'd draw the line between sexuals and asexual autosexuals there' date=' so I can't say anything about the different kind of normality.

5 Almost a daily desire for physical intimacy( not always with sexual feelings)' date=' just for intimacy=Frequent engaging in sexual(intimate) behaviors to a greater extent or over a longer period of time than intended[/quote']IMHO a (ideal) partner should replace the stuffed animal of the early childhood. Holding it while falling asleep or being peacefully happy is the icing on the Perfect-World-cake.

6 When helping her do anything( like helping with studying' date=' with work etc.) need intimacy( again e.x to kiss, to touch, to look at her body) in between the main occupation= Failure to resist impulses to engage in specific sexual behavior[/quote']Again a normal symptom about being strong and freshly in love. - I believe similar stuff happens in human & interactive pet relationships too.

7 Thinking that spending a great night( e.x a great Holiday night) is much better with physical or sexual intimacy.

Probably yes. To me watching a movie feels better when I'm holding a partners hand.

8 Feeling excited just from a thought that you miss smone

Badly phrased? - Excitement can return once I realize that I'm missing a SO.

With 'normal' i meant things which are ok to forgive or not ok. Smtimes all the people can be irritated' date=' angry.But often i can't figure out what things should be considered as a real abuse& what are not. And if you should forgive these examples of a behaviour as smth that wasn't really meant.Sometimes we feel hurt or we feel resentment cos we take all too close to heart or we are too sensitive. Surely' date=' i agree that it depends on an individual. [/quote'']

Sorry for the harsh words: If somebody would place several loops of razor sharp military barbed wire on my bed, I 'd realize that they 'd hurt my attempt to sleep there comfortably, grab gloves and a wire cutter and trash stacks of 10" pieces of that stuff. I wouldn't think about the wires nature, its potential value, whatever, I simply do not want to get hurt.

A sexual partner / friend / whatever buggering me far beyond my comfort zone is worse than aunt Sally's wet kisses 2x per year, which children are taught to cope with. - Such a person can make your life miserable and will probably fuck your ability to compromize up entirely in the long run. - So don't accept what you don't like to happen frequently. - It's OK to forgive something that might never happen again or at least only at a bearable frequency. But between your lines I read the other one pushing your limits on a daily base. - Yes or no shouldn't depend on the question is it abuse according to suciety. - They should depend on you feeling comfortable.

Even really sexual people can feel uncomfortable with a partner fitting into the specs of the desired one and run away or kick hir out.