Discovery Questions

[Jimmyjon]

Hello everyone, mid 30’s male here….I finally think I’ve found my community!
 

I knew I was different from an early age, but not gay or straight…. I really didn’t have a name for my orientation up until finding this forum. 

I’m an only child who grew up in a conservative country household. In middle school when everyone around me partnered up I wasn’t even the slightest bit interested and instead pursued work with my available time.

 

I’ve been telling people I know since I was teen I had absolutely no interest in having kids ever under any circumstances.

 

My parents never showed any public displays of affection towards each other or towards me since I was a small child.

 

I absolutely hate watching romantic movies and turn off sex scenes. I don’t get the idea of porn and find it repulsive. I’ve never been to a night club or a strip club and don’t drink at all.

 

I’m touch adverse and cannot even stand a hug.

 

I’ve never been on a date and don’t see the point….I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t understand hookup culture at all, never been on a dating platform…..don’t relate to any of my friends when it comes to one night stands.

 

I do find females aesthetically attractive but have only been attracted (at some higher level than aesthetic) to two in my life….and that was after months of getting to know them. Neither ever turned into any more than a friend.

 

I can look at a female and tell you she’s hot or not but going much further isn’t in me.

 

My best friend growing up was a girl and I’ve been friends with multiple females during my life without feeling any sexual or romantic attraction.
 

I present to the public very well put together….exceeding a straight male’s stereotypical look …some have called me metro. I’ve been questioned several times by generally females what my orientation was….even had a few ask me out….after I told them I don’t like guys (didn’t go on the date I could tell they were hyper sexual and I think that’s all they were looking for).

 

At this point in my life I’m thinking I want a female partner around my age but not in the same way ‘normal’ people do. I’m probably open to light infrequent sexual activity but without the romantic side….I find kissing, hugging, cuddling, ect repulsive. 
 

A few questions, what do you think my orientation is (I have some ideas)? And how would I find a match for a partner? Doesn’t appear the dating world is set up for what I want to find…..I’ve also never tried to navigate it.

[LeChat]

(Below is an official, green, mod message.)

 

Hello. Welcome! I'm just letting you know I've moved your thread from the Welcome Lounge to Questions about Asexuality.

 

LeChat,

Welcome Lounge, Announcements, and Alternate Language moderator

[LeChat]

Hi! Thanks, for sharing that! If it helps, there's an Asexual Men Musings thread you can check out, where asexual men share their experiences with relationships (or not being interested in dating/having a relationship), how their family, friends, and/or people around them react to them, etc.

 

 If you're interested in chatting with others around your age, there's an Older Asexuals forum, which includes a "30s" thread. Also, I have a few, helpful links for new members, at the bottom of my posts, in my signature.

[AstrophelDragon]

26 minutes ago, Jimmyjon said:

what do you think my orientation is (I have some ideas)?

I would say you seem pretty clearly asexual from what you said. Being "open" to a bit of sexual activity is not the same as feeling sexual attraction.

 

24 minutes ago, Jimmyjon said:

I do find females aesthetically attractive but have only been attracted (at some higher level than aesthetic) to two in my life….and that was after months of getting to know them.

And then possibly demiromantic from this ^

 

 

27 minutes ago, Jimmyjon said:

At this point in my life I’m thinking I want a female partner around my age but not in the same way ‘normal’ people do. I’m probably open to light infrequent sexual activity but without the romantic side….I find kissing, hugging, cuddling, ect repulsive. 

But more likely probably aromantic, maybe with alterous or queer-platonic type attraction, based on this ^ 

 

But really the most important question is not what label fits you, but what you actually want from it, and that I can't really help you with sadly. Maybe someone else has some good advice

[alto]

welcome to AVEN!

[Jimmyjon]

On 9/11/2022 at 3:27 PM, LeChat said:

Hi! Thanks, for sharing that! If it helps, there's an Asexual Men Musings thread you can check out, where asexual men share their experiences with relationships (or not being interested in dating/having a relationship), how their family, friends, and/or people around them react to them, etc.

 

 If you're interested in chatting with others around your age, there's an Older Asexuals forum, which includes a "30s" thread. Also, I have a few, helpful links for new members, at the bottom of my posts, in my signature.

Great link, interesting to see similar stories.

[LeChat]

 You're welcome!