Is your sexual identity meaningful to you?

[Sarah-Sylvia]

3 minutes ago, ChipmunksBeCute said:

Discovering my asexuality and aromanticism were exceptionally meaningful in terms of self discovery, understanding, and acceptance.

That makes super a lot of sense. I feel like it's well put

[Sarah-Sylvia]

9 hours ago, Thujaplicata said:

So yes, I'd say my asexuality is meaningful to me. But are you asking after the experience of being asexual or the term itself?

Kinda both, but you did great covering a lot for how you feel it comes up in your daily life, so that was interesting.

The term itself.. is close to stuff I was wondering too.. well I was more wondering about the identity there, like seeing ourselves as that identity. Is it just like yeah ok that's how I happen to be, or it feeling meaningful or maybe even pride to be how y'are, as that. Things like that but really anything that comes to mind too

[Kimi_gata]

Well, it is a part of my identity. And it’s an invisible identity. Unfortunately, it feels a lot more “meaningful” when it becomes glaringly obvious that it’s not the “norm”, but it is nice to know that this is me, it’s valid, and I’m not broken.

[Guest]

It's meaningful to me because it helped me understand myself and find others like me. Without it I would think there was something wrong with me. 

[Mult]

There is nothing more important to me than being able to articulate exactly what I want and how I feel. To describe my disamorous feelings towards both sexuality and romance is important to me. It is a defining feature of my life: my single lifestyle, my outlook on my future and my relationships; everything is influenced by my lack of sexual and romantic attraction/desire. Who I am dictates how I live my life.

 

It's comfortable to live my life knowing what I want and what I don't want: rejecting what others expect of me. Being able to be sure of myself is important.

[a little annihilation]

not really. My romantic orientation is much more meaningful to me I'd say.

[The French Unicorn]

I've never thought about it.

It is an important part of what I want in life and so of who I am, so I guess it is meaningful in that sense, even if I consider my aromanticism more important.

However I don't really relate to the concept of "meaningful", like, it is not a word that I use to describe experiences I have or part of who I am. So I won't say that my sexual orientation is meaningful to that regards, but because I won't say that about anything (OK it is not as depressive as it sounds).

[Autumn ace]

I think it is a meaningful part of who I am. It’s not my personality, or the major important part of my identity, but it does help me feel less alone, especially with asexuality 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

2 minutes ago, Frenchace said:

I've never thought about it.

It is an important part of what I want in life and so of who I am, so I guess it is meaningful in that sense, even if I consider my aromanticism more important.

However I don't really relate to the concept of "meaningful", like, it is not a word that I use to describe experiences I have or part of who I am. So I won't say that my sexual orientation is meaningful to that regards, but because I won't say that about anything (OK it is not as depressive as it sounds).

I use 'meaningful' a lot because I find it better to say personally important. If I'd use important in general it could be taken like say how food is important, but it doesn't mean it's meaningful unless someone say.. eats a meal someone they like cooked, or it brings memories of a time they ate it on a vacation, or things like that.

 

My romantic identity is more meaningful to me too like some have said. I like that I am like that and want to connect with someone like that, it has meaning, but for sexuality I just .. don't really care lol, it doesn't feel like it says much to me or about me. I like some of what people said though, it's cool to see more feeling associated with asexuality.

[Lysandre, the Star-Crossed]

On 8/31/2022 at 9:11 AM, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I was just wondering how others felt about it. Is your identity when it comes to sexuality meaningful to you?
Or (for someone asexual) is it something you just see as a word to say you aren't into sex? And don't care much about it?

 

For me I would say it's not meaningful, It's a little bit useful though, to have a word to say I'm not really sexual, and connect with others who feel in the same range.

It conveys information, that's about it for me. "I'm pansexual" is something I say a lot, because it's a polite way of informing someone that I'm potentially down to do the jiggly wiggly with them. Back when I identified as straight it was exactly the same thing, a way of informing someone that I was or wasn't potentially going to want to sleep with them. It's very matter-of-fact for me, nothing I'm particularly attached to.

[lwebstar]

it's very meaningful. My whole life I wondered what was wrong with me, struggled with being different in so many ways, and couldnt understand why I didnt care about dating or sex or relationships. Finding out that asexuality is a thing and I am not defective was a huge revelation for me. But I still struggle with being different, feeling like I don't belong, because being aroace is not well known and I dont feel like I can be open about it. So I am mostly in the closet, feeling different, alienated, and left out because I am aroace. Everyone around me is in relationships, or has been, or wants to be, or has started a family, and I am just me, alone. Thus it is very meaningful to me because it makes me feel so different.

[Anu-Lex]

It is important for me to have some explanation on the way I feel and act when it comes to sexual/romatic topics, and I also gladly share my experiences with other people. However, I would not say that being asexual is or should be THE thing that defines my identity the most. That has to be something else. I also do not feel comfortable to define a specific lable on the Aspectrum for me, since, to my opinion it is a bit too short of a thought to just put feelings and experiences in boxes.

[Mike D]

It's not deeply meaningful to me personally, and I confess sometimes my eyes glaze over when someone starts reciting the litany of labels and pronouns they identify by.  That said, though, I understand the importance of visibility and acceptance to the community at large, so I try to be supportive of that. 

[BaklavaGuardian]

I find it meaningful because it's a word that encompasses a way of looking at the world without having to go to an in depth explanation. All I have to do is explain a single word than explaining everything all at once. 

[cato]

It's interesting how many people say the label / identity makes it feel like there isn't anything wrong with them after all.  I feel the opposite

 

I find asexuality uninteresting and not particularly relevant to me, since, while libido-less, I am sex-neutral and have re-construed sex to be a means of emotionally connecting with another person.

 

Greyromanticism/cupioromanticism, that feels like that has a much bigger impact on my life.  I identify with the term in that it's an accurate descriptor for my experience, but I am not proud of it or publicize it in any kind of way.  It's kinda a dog shit deal tbh.

[Picklethewickle]

Being aroace is important to me, because while the term is defined by what I don't feel, to me the identity is more than that. Being aroace is part of how I understand the world and human interactions. It is a lens through which I experience and interpret my life. I don't see the word "aroace" according to usefulness because I don't use it to explain myself to other people. "Aroace" is meaningful to me because this term helped me better understand myself, and it gave me the foundations to finally understand why I am the way I am. 

[dapperdollie]

It means a lot to me. While I'm extremely careful not to get caught into labelling myself in any way, I think it also helps having a word/identity to help you learn more about yourself. All of my life I didn't know that there was such thing, and I just thought I was weird. I felt alone and isolated. I still feel that way sometimes, but there is hope knowing that I am not alone. That there are other people out there like me. 

[CRHarper]

It’s meaningful to me in that it’s helped me understand how I relate to people differently and given me a framework to understand myself and my relationships. Before I understood my asexuality, I had so many short-lived relationships because I mistook platonic infatuation for romantic attraction when it turned out these people were sexually attracted to me and that’s what informed them asking me out in the first place. This misunderstanding on my part of what sexual and romantic attraction was hurt a lot of people (as high school breakups do). 
 

Not understanding my sexuality or how people outside it may relate differently also caused a lot of harm to me and long-term partners because they didn’t understand where I was coming from and vice versa because I had no framework to communicate with. I didn’t understand why me wanting other forms of physical intimacy, but not wanting sex, made one partner feel like I wasn’t attracted to them or like they didn’t mean as much to me as I did to them. I had no way to communicate that no, I felt incredibly strongly for them, I’m just asexual. And this lack of a framework led to a lot of communication issues and both of us feeling invalidated and invalidating. It also broke down trust because I was no longer comfortable having physical intimacy of any kind with him for fear of leaving him sexually frustrated and he was no longer comfortable having physical intimacy with me for fear of pressuring me, and he felt anxious and unattractive because his view of his own attractiveness revolved around the sexual since that’s the only framework we had. 
 

Now, my sexuality is meaningful to me partly because it gives me a framework to communicate better, and partly because it helped me understand that I’m not broken and that I can relate to people how I feel like doing so and if they can’t respect that, they’re not who I should be with. I am a walking contradiction to 90% of what the people in my life rn think is normal or healthy or morally right, and that’s ok, because I don’t need to fit into their worldview to be whole or happy. 
 

Understanding my sexuality has also given me the freedom to NOT explain myself or my existence to everyone who thinks I must be sick or traumatized or I’ve just “never had good sex” or who just don’t get it. My existence is valid whether I can convince other people or not. I don’t have to make them understand to be who I am. 
 

As far as sexuality generally, it’s important to me to have some compatibility with a partner. I like kissing and cuddling and lots of other things, but nothing between the legs. Physical intimacy is important for me to feel connected to someone, and touch is my primary love language, but I really do not want sex. Finding the balance is important. 
 

Coming back to the original question, after this long ramble I think I’d say UNDERSTANDING my sexuality and having a community is meaningful to me, but as far as sexuality itself, interpersonal SENSUALITY is far more important for me. 

[smellincoffee]

When I was much younger and first found AVEN,  it was sufficiently important enough that I'd stick it  in the about-me sections of other forums.  That was just a enthusiast  thing, though, because it faded pretty quickly.  Over the years I've become skeptical of people trying to find meaning in their life through overlabelization -- in part because I did it SO much in my twenties.    I find meaningful identity in my IRL personal connections and activities --   friend, citizen, brother, etc.

[Galilei]

yes. because for most of my adult life I denied it and society denied it and denies it still.

 

because all of the sexually active, societal conforming relationships I  willingly entered into in a desperate attempt to be normal left their scars on me.

 

 because I now understand myself on a much deeper level, and other people need to understand us too.

[Kit4004]

My sexual identity is very meaningful to me in part because I felt lost without it growing up. I didn't know asexuality was an option and I spent a lot of time wondering if I was some strange, nebulous thing that no one else was. Defining my asexuality gave me confidence and community, and it is now a label I claim proudly. I consider it a privilege to have the language I need to express myself. A lot of people go their entire lives without that.

 

It is worth noting, though, on the topic, that I don't feel the same way about my gender or romantic attraction. I choose not to define my romantic orientation; it's something aro-ish but I don't find it useful to be more specific and I don't really talk about it. And for gender, while agender might be the most technically accurate for how aloof I feel toward my gender (or lack thereof), I also don't find that to be meaningful and prefer to just not label my gender at all. I know what people will perceive me as and I don't really care. 

 

So, it's just a mix for me. Asexual is meaningful for it's place in understanding who I am and finding other people like myself, but many other labels aren't that important to me, to the point that I forgo them entirely. 

[Baced]

It's meaningful to me because it came as an answer to one of the most pervasive questions about myself, in a time of uncertainty. It also helped me form a more specialized and nuanced view of sexuality that I frankly would have never learned in school. It's a label that I can go back to, lean on consistently as a positive affirming part of myself and take pride in, simply.

[Zariah]

Not super meaningful. It's just a small facet of my identity, and one of the less important ones. 

[Blueberry Pie]

Yes, very much so. It makes me feel less alone knowing that other people feel similarly in that way.

[Theoryal]

I don't know.... I mean not having an interest in sex certainly has had an impact on how I socialize, and I highly value the belief that love doesn't depend on sex.  So in one sense this feels integral to who I am.  But I'm also not sure I'm keen on the way using this term seems to allow people to brush off my perspective on the subject of sex and romance as if I'm a completely different species who can't possibly have valid insight about humanity.  I think it can create too much of a divide when it's really a lot more of a spectrum  - I think it can, in a way, perpetuate the idea that sex is the end all be all for everyone, except those weirdo asexuals, rather than helping people recognize there can be people who do like it but don't feel it is the most important thing.   

 

I think I would say my sense of identity is more strongly attached to personality type and certain interests but that asexuality is still a notable componant.  

[kiaroskuro]

No, because 1) I don't really have a clear-cut sexual orientation, and 2) my being on the asexual spectrum is caused by trauma and depression, so it's nothing I take pride in or rejoice about. At least for now.

[arco_iris]

For me, I think my sexuality (all parts of it!) are meaningful. It might not affect my everyday life, but it's a part of me. Sure, sometimes it can be a bit stressful (flashbacks to when I had my whole "am I ace or am I not??" crisis) but I think in the end, it feels good to know myself and know who I am and to be accepting of myself.