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Is your sexual identity meaningful to you?


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Sarah-Sylvia

I was just wondering how others felt about it. Is your identity when it comes to sexuality meaningful to you?
Or (for someone asexual) is it something you just see as a word to say you aren't into sex? And don't care much about it?

 

For me I would say it's not meaningful, It's a little bit useful though, to have a word to say I'm not really sexual, and connect with others who feel in the same range.

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For me it's quite meaningful. It is one of the shortest ways to describe many ways in which I felt alienated when growing up and still do. It's a reminder that I probably won't ever find a romantic partner. However, it's also a form of comfort to know that there is a word that describes the way I feel that is not just a variation of 'broken'.

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leeluvssquids

it took me a long time to understand my identity and accept it, so to me it is meaningful as now I feel mostly comfortable with i

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Guest Queerdo

Yes, and it's critically important for me to have spaces and resources that are affirming of my sexual orientation as part of my health and recovery. 

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Sarah-Sylvia
7 minutes ago, Guest Queerdo said:

Yes, and it's critically important for me to have spaces and resources that are affirming of my sexual orientation as part of my health and recovery. 

What makes it meaningful to you?

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I'd say it is meaningful to me in that, whether I realised it at the time or not, my asexual identity has coloured pretty much every discussion I've had about sex/sexuality/relationships with friends, family, etc.. Even if I don't actively advertise it to others, my asexuality is a core part of who I am and informs the way I view the world. It shaped interpersonal behaviours and anxieties long before I was comfortable enough to put a label to it.

 

Acknowledging and analysing this part of me helps me analyse the people/world around me in a more open/objective way. What is more meaningful than that?

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Sarah-Sylvia
3 minutes ago, acer_rubrum said:

I'd say it is meaningful to me in that, whether I realised it at the time or not, my asexual identity has coloured pretty much every discussion I've had about sex/sexuality/relationships with friends, family, etc.. Even if I don't actively advertise it to others, my asexuality is a core part of who I am and informs the way I view the world. It shaped interpersonal behaviours and anxieties long before I was comfortable enough to put a label to it.

 

Acknowledging and analysing this part of me helps me analyse the people/world around me in a more open/objective way. What is more meaningful than that?

What makes you feel that it's a core part? (if there's more you can say on that, am curious :))

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Anomaly Q3Xr

It is something that is meaningful to me. It is an important part of my identity, and the asexual community as a whole has had a significant (mostly) positive affect on me, feeling less alienated and just more at peace with myself in general. 

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1 hour ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Or (for someone asexual) is it something you just see as a word to say you aren't into sex? And don't care much about it?

bingo. i dont really care about my asexuality and i only tell people about it when necessary

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Thujaplicata

I'd say it's meaningful to me. I liked what @acer_rubrum said. (Also, red maples, yay! Join the tree league!)

It's not comparable to something like disinterest in horror movies or even disinterest in most movies in general. Yeah, watching shows and movies is a really common thing and so that occasionally affects how I interact with people and/or confuses them. 

But it's not the fundamental disconnect I get from being asexual.

Sometimes it's just jokes I never understood, sometimes it's really awkward social situations because I didn't realize what everyone was really talking about. 

Sexual attraction is an entire facet of existence that most people consider baseline and that I simply can't comprehend. It's not just a disinterest in having sex, it's seeing people differently because there's one box that's not even on my radar. I might notice if they're pretty, but "hot" never occurs to me. And even here, I'm guessing. I know that when I describe a person (to others or myself), sexual attractiveness isn't even implied. But it seems to be one of the first things to say for many people? And now suddenly I'm wondering, how often does "cute" mean attractive? I feel like, for high school girls, it usually does? But see, that's only occurring to me now, and I've heard classmates and family and even friends describing boys or girls of comparable age as "cute" for...a decade now? 

 

It's a fundamental difference in how I approach long term plans and everyday life. It's a nearly ubiquitous experience (apparently) that I've never had. It underlies so many conversations and storylines and jokes and interactions and I have to tilt my head and squint and have things explained to have a hope of understanding. 

 

So yes, I'd say my asexuality is meaningful to me. But are you asking after the experience of being asexual or the term itself? Because I think all terms could, in a way, be discarded as it's what they're describing that affects us most. Usually at least. I think. 

Having a word for my experience and identity is marvelous. Meaningful, helpful, etc. Why? Because this aspect of myself has shaped so many moments of my life and knowing that there's a reason beyond ignorance or social obliviousness or naivete? When I found the "incredibly ace moments" thread I was delighted. Partially because it's really funny, but mostly because suddenly there were so many things I'd done that I now had a reason for. And I'm not alone. So many of those awkward experiences went from "guess I'm just daft" to "oh, I'm asexual, like all these other people."

Being asexual explains so much, and it brought me a community of similar people here on AVEN. 

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Janus the Fox

Not a pig part of my identity, the lack of any sexuality to me.

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It is meaningful to me I guess because it is such a big part of who I am obviously not the only part but being ace affects me in so many different ways that it has to be meaningful in some way for me. 

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Hmm I wouldn't say the identity in and of itself is important to me, like labels or how other people interpret who I am. But I would say my sexuality is very important to me as it is a fundamental part of who I am as an entire person. Does that even make sense lol? 

 

It took me a long time to get comfortable with my own sexuality (still working on some aspects), but finding that comfort was incredibly powerful for me. I don't really care about the identity aspect of that though.

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rainbowocollie

Only insofar as there is community and discussion, memes and such. Without community, it would just be useful to know, but not all that meaningful.

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Guest Queerdo
3 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

What makes it meaningful to you?

In my experience, LBGTQ support spaces spend a lot more time talking about:

  • microaggressions
  • family dynamics
  • self-image
  • visibility
  • media representation
  • career issues
  • community issues
  • cars
  • food
  • cats
  • housing

Than sex. 

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Sarah-Sylvia
Just now, Guest Queerdo said:

In my experience, LBGTQ support spaces spend a lot more time talking about:

  • microaggressions
  • family dynamics
  • self-image
  • visibility
  • media representation
  • career issues
  • community issues
  • cars
  • food
  • cats
  • housing

Than sex. 

I know that community can be a big thing. But do you feel any of that has to do with your sexual identity? (or how much)

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Guest Queerdo
6 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I know that community can be a big thing. But do you feel any of that has to do with your sexual identity? (or how much)

Well yes, the fact that I can't do anything about my sexual identity without negotiating with external and internal homo/biphobia is a pretty big deal with my sexual identity. And I feel uncomfortable with the kind of rhetorical questioning you're doing here, so I'll bow out of this discussion. 

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Sarah-Sylvia
3 minutes ago, Guest Queerdo said:

Well yes, the fact that I can't do anything about my sexual identity without negotiating with external and internal homo/biphobia is a pretty big deal with my sexual identity. And I feel uncomfortable with the kind of rhetorical questioning you're doing here, so I'll bow out of this discussion. 

 I was literally asking to understand more how you feel about it. I have no idea why you say rhetorical question. Not good to assume.

So the friction you feel around it has made it more impactful in your life sounds like youre saying.

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Sister Mercurial

Well. I'm not sure exactly what it is, which kind of impedes finding meaning in it.  

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mmm, not really. I think that's part of why I see no reason to use other labels besides bisexual. they could apply, but I don't need 'em. all they would do is define me more than I'd like to be defined.

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Less meaningful than my romantic identity.  Asexuality only expresses what I don't want/feel, and it doesn't help that it seems like loads of people now are trying to blend a whole lot of things that aren't asexuality with asexuality, making the term less and less useful as a descriptor over time.

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It's connected to why I live the life I do and why I'm happy this way, so yes. But still, I don't talk about it a lot openly, because it's not often relevant to everyday conversations. If people don't bring up "when you find a partner" all that often anymore, and I generally avoided it more than the average person when I was younger on account of the "ugly weirdo" factor (which is to say, because of fatness and disability and neurodivergence), but I want to make a point that the reason I live this way is *my own happiness and free will* rather than not being invited to parties. Aromanticism falls into this as well. It's all a part of why I've intentionally built a life this way.

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Very meaningful to me, because without knowing my identity I might be making myself miserable trying to live a life that won't ever bring me happiness in the way my ace life does.

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Purple Red Panda

It's part of who I am as are many other things. It's importance (such as it is) mainly comes from living in a society where most other people aren't asexual which tend to highlight my own sexuality but even then I don't think it is some sort of  ultimate defining feature. I've gone through most of my life without realising I was ace and didn't come to the conclusion that I was until I was in my late 30s so that might have some influence on how I regard my sexuality.

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Sarah-Sylvia
1 minute ago, Purple Red Panda said:

It's part of who I am as are many other things. It's importance (such as it is) mainly comes from living in a society where most other people aren't asexual which tend to highlight my own sexuality but even then I don't think it is some sort of  ultimate defining feature. I've gone through most of my life without realising I was ace and didn't come to the conclusion that I was until I was in my late 30s so that might have some influence on how I regard my sexuality.


If society wasn't sexual, I wonder what that would mean to the identity. Kindof a weird thought.

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Well, it describes an quite important part of me. Not only for a potential partner but also how I react to all those things, if I even see them in the first place. 

But meaningful? Not really, just useful. I love this community and the people I've meet here, but the actual fact that I'm ace isn't something I think about often. 

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Like many have said before, Useful but not really meaningful. I'm asexual and always have been but that doesn't mean anything to me. It like saying water is wet. However getting validation and acceptance from other people means a lot more to me.

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Not particularly these days. Or rather, it's not that it's not meaningful to me, as it's shaped many defining experiences I've had, but it's not of huge importance in my daily life now. Sex and my sexuality are important to me and important within my relationship, but my 'sexual identity' doesn't play a big role. It did more so when I was trying to figure out how I felt about sex when I was much younger, and then from my 20s through into my mid-30s, who I was interested in gender-wise.

 

Also I'm finding I'm quite averse to a lot of things that have the word 'identity' attached to them these days because I utterly despise identity politics and the assumptions people make or the boxes you're expected to fit into because of some aspect of your so-called identity.

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ChipmunksBeCute

Discovering my asexuality and aromanticism were exceptionally meaningful in terms of self discovery, understanding, and acceptance.  Like so many others who didn't even know these were an orientation until well after puberty, when I did learn of it, it answered so many questions and problems that I had faced in my early adult years.  It finally allowed me to be at peace with myself and I felt whole.  However, I also don't find it important to share with the world, or friends, or even family.  It is mostly important in terms of myself and not the people around me.

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