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Asexuality article in The Naughty American


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2014 Mod Edit: Even though the OP removed their post, I still managed to find the article. Please keep in mind that this article is hosted on a pornographic website (no, I'm not joking) with very clear and big pornographic images displayed above and surrounding the article. So open this link at your discretion. You can still read the article safely in the spoiler below:

Asexuality: Taking The Ass Out Of Passion

By Jeffery S. Taylor / Tuesday, August 28, 2007

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (TNA) – When 25-year-old Adrianne Wills talks about hooking up with her boyfriend, how they started sleeping together sometime in February, she doesn’t mean that’s when they first started having sex.

When she says sleep, she actually means sleep.

That’s because both she and her 21-year-old boyfriend, “Jason,” are asexual.

“I was once told that, ‘Once you start doing something (sexually), you’ll change your mind,’” Wills says. “However, that point is usually easily countered, as I’m not a virgin.”

She, like most asexual people, is no stranger to such reactions.

“I once said I had sex five times,” Wills remembers, “only to be told by someone that they didn’t enjoy it until their eighth time.”

In fact, it was during sex with a previous boyfriend that Wills first decided she was definitely not into it.

david_jay.jpg

David Jay wants other

asexuals to know they are

not alone.

“It was just boring – pointless,” she says, quick to point out that it wasn’t because her partner was just lousy in bed, “because he did try quite hard to get me to enjoy it.”

As for she and Jason, Wills says, “It’s basically like any other relationship minus sex. Instead of having sex, we have very lengthy cuddle sessions, often lasting for several hours.”

Wills met Jason through the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, or AVEN, the world’s largest online asexual community.

Founded in 2001 by a young asexual man named David Jay, AVEN’s goal is to create an “open, honest discussion about asexuality among sexual and asexual people alike.”

Jay, now 25, decided something needed to be done about the obvious lack of an asexual community.

“I figured there had to be other asexual people out there,” he says. “And I really felt a strong need, which I think a lot of asexual people feel, to know that I wasn’t the only one, and to get in touch with other people who were experiencing what I was experiencing and talk about it.”

He grew frustrated not only by the lack of a shared community, but also by the lack of understanding.

Wills points out that many people find it harder to accept her boyfriend’s asexuality, saying, “Some find it impossible to believe that a guy can be asexual.”

Jay saw similar reactions.

“It wasn’t that people were telling me what I was doing was bad, rather it was implied that what I was doing was impossible,” he remembers.

Combating this mindset played a major role in Jay’s decision to launch AVEN. And once the community was established, it took off big-time.

“It’s probably bigger than I thought it would be originally, but I had no way of knowing,” Jay says. “But yeah, I’d say that I’ve been pretty surprised.”

Thousands of people from all walks of life come together on the site’s message boards to discuss how asexuality has affected their lives.

Among those non-asexuals closely affected by asexuality is a 19-year-old AVEN team member named carolyn.

carolyn, who is editor-in-chief of the AVEN bi-monthly newsletter AVENues, has a younger brother who self-identifies as asexual.

“None of us were really familiar with the concept of asexuality, so it was a gradual process,” carolyn says of her brother’s “coming out” to the family.

“I don’t remember when the term ‘asexual’ was first used,” carolyn says. “I do remember a particular time when he was explaining about not wanting a sexual relationship.”

carolyn said it actually made “perfect sense” to her, despite the fact she wasn’t an asexual herself. She even looked up a passage in the Bible for him, “where it hints pretty strongly that St. Paul was the same way.”

carolyn says her parents “seem to be pretty cool with him living that way if it’s what he wants.”

She admits they often use inaccurate phrases though, like telling people their son “decided he’s asexual.”

She notes that, in her opinion anyway, asexuality is an orientation, and that orientations aren’t really something you “decide” upon.

“I had one relative who was very skeptical, but she changed her mind when she learned about AVEN and how many people there are out there who feel the same way,” carolyn says, adding, “I really think that’s the very best thing about AVEN, the way it shows people they’re not alone.”

carolyn, like Wills, also happens to be dating someone she met through AVEN.

“I didn’t go there looking for a relationship, because that would have been really dumb,” she says. “But there he was, and we got to chatting about all kinds of different things. Eventually we met up and decided we really liked each other.”

Her boyfriend doesn’t exactly self-identify as an asexual, but rather as what’s called a “grey-,” as in “grey area.”

“My boyfriend is kind of hard to explain,” carolyn admits, “not least of which because I’m not in his head and I probably have a lot of it wrong. He’s capable of experiencing sexual attraction, but he considers it a really small, unimportant part of his life.

“He’s not usually bored or repulsed by sex,” she adds, “but he’s a lot more likely to think of it as a joke or an experiment than to take it seriously and go looking for it.”

She claims this difference in orientation really hasn’t been a problem in their relationship.

Meantime, Jay sees similarities between the asexual and gay/lesbian/bi communities, especially when it comes to shame.

“In the asexual community, I think there is definitely a culture of shame,” he says. “It’s subtler (than in the gay community), but any kid who gets called out for being a virgin – like the shame associated with that title, that’s definitely something that many asexual people face.”

Jay himself is a virgin, and says he’s just fine with remaining so.

“Speaking personally, (having sex) doesn’t make sense for me to do with people that I’m close to,” he confesses. “I’d rather be forming relationships with a set of rules that reflects how I feel, that’s different from a lot of other people’s, than try to form relationships in a way that doesn’t make sense for me.”

Jay is currently involved with two people who are dating one another. They have begun discussing marriage and starting a family, including Jay in the equation.

“In those relationships, I’m beginning to form a family,” he says. “I’m beginning to be committed to people in a way that will let me do everything that you do in a long-term, committed relationship, even if it looks untraditional.”

Dr. Tony Bogaert, widely considered the leading academic in the relatively new field of asexuality, notes that, “From a scientific perspective, we learn to understand human variation, and thus all human differences – sexual and otherwise – are better grasped and integrated into a deeper understanding of human beings. Second, as mentioned, exposure to new people and ideas may make the general public more accepting of sexual minorities.”

As for whether Jay would opt to take a pill to “cure” him of his asexuality, if one ever existed, he says, “That’s a question I get all the time, but I still have no idea what that pill would do.”

“As a result of doing all this visibility work,” he adds, “I spend a lot of time talking to people about sexuality and a lot of time thinking about sexuality, and there really is no normal. There’s no normal level of sex drive, there’s no normal way to feel sexual, and asexuality is just one of the infinite abnormal variations (of sexuality).”

He continues, “So yeah, maybe I could have a pill and be a little more socially accepted, or maybe I could have a pill and have an easier time communicating my sexuality to people, but I’d feel like I’d miss out on a lot of the ways that I’ve learned to live my life.

“I’d also miss out on exploring some things that are really a lot of fun to explore – like thinking about how you’re going to form relationships in a way that no one has really ever thought about before,” he says. “That’s pretty exciting, and I wouldn’t want to give that up.”

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