Gurg Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 Hi everyone, I am male and I am 45 years old. I am married to a woman I love, and I have two daughters, 4 and 7 years old. My story is similar to that of many people around here. I never fit the standards and thought something was wrong with me, but I kept it a secret and tried to manage this situation. Obviously, this has caused pain to me and the woman I live with—a very important person in my journey, the mother of my daughters. Only in the last few months have I decided - This is Enough! I need to understand what I am and be transparent with all these people I love. Get out of that place of performances, feeling inferior or different from everybody around me. I didn't want to play that role anymore. So, through therapy, I went deeper into myself until I found this community. I always thought: My daughters will not go through this. They will be who they are, whatever they want. I think today, August 20th, is when I realized I am a Graysexual. Reading everything here, I've already been touched and already laughed with joy. But, there is a lot for me to learn. But definitely, I'm not in that previous place anymore. A new world opened up in front of me. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 Hi. Welcome! Thanks, for sharing your journey; that's nice that you feel a new world has opened up. If you ever feel interested in chatting with others around your age, there's an Older Asexuals forum. [a pic of a round, blue cake decorated as an ocean theme, with edible pearls on the side; topped with brown sugar--also at the base--(representing sand) and white chocolates molded into seashells and starfish.] 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Invisible Pumpkin Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 Hi, Gurg, welcome to this community. You are very brave, and I applaud that you could speak of, as not everybody dares to, but it's good to be open to loved ones. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
awadama Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 Hi and welcome! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
need-to-know-more Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 hi Gurg, it is nice to hear people’s stories. Have you spoken to your family about this? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gurg Posted August 21, 2022 Author Share Posted August 21, 2022 50 minutes ago, need-to-know-more said: hi Gurg, it is nice to hear people’s stories. Have you spoken to your family about this? Hi! I told a childhood friend who is gay who thought I was repressing my desires. Still, it's hard for him to understand being very active. And I started talking to my wife. I am convinced that I found myself. I'm not a teacher but I help younger people in the design profession, and I already feel like I'm going to help more people by talking about this transition in an open way. I will get to that point. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
need-to-know-more Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 I recently came to the conclusion of being asexual - It is a tough thing to reconcile as a 50+ adult. I have initiated counseling but have not started, and my wife and I are talking about it. From what you have written, I am feeling you are pretty comfortable with who you are. I wish I were as comfortable. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JustAnotherNerd Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 Hi and welcome! I hope you have a wonderful day! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gurg Posted August 21, 2022 Author Share Posted August 21, 2022 3 hours ago, need-to-know-more said: I recently came to the conclusion of being asexual - Is a tough thing to reconcile as a 50+ adult. I have initiated counseling but have not started, and my wife and I are talking about it. From what you have written, I am feeling you are pretty comfortable with who you are. I wish I were as comfortable. I have so many clues that I'm graysexual that it's certainly a huge relief. but my conversation about it with an old good friend who is gay and an activist was the worst possible. He accused me of denying my desires and I was hugely disappointed in him. The oppression came from where I least expected it. But I am ready to go ahead. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
need-to-know-more Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 that is tough. I have not talked to anyone other than my wife. I have a friend that i am trying to out how to bring up the subject. I am sorry your conversation did not go well. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gurg Posted August 21, 2022 Author Share Posted August 21, 2022 5 hours ago, need-to-know-more said: that is tough. I have not talked to anyone other than my wife. I have a friend that i am trying to out how to bring up the subject. I am sorry your conversation did not go well. Thank you. I think people who have sexual desire as normal, like thirst or hunger, don't understand what we feel. I thought this friend of mine would be the first person to hug me, just like I hugged him when he told me he was gay when we were young. Today I'm sad. But more than ever, knowing what I am. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 Welcome! I’m sorry you had a rough time with your friend, you deserve all the hugs in the world, and also cake, so I got you a hug in a mug cake 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 @Gurg While I definitely didn't go thru what you have, finding out about asexuality back in 2005 was a big relief. I was never sexually active (I'm still a virgin a 60) and knowing this explained why. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Purplegems3 Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 Welcome Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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