Mrs

[Bex Ally Mum]

My 21 year old child is asexual and is struggling with feeling they will never find anyone to share their life with, or even close friends who will stick with them. They are watching friends couple up all around them, and people they are romantically interested in lose interest. They already have poor self image and battle depression and anxiety and I just don't know how to help them feel hope for their future. They are also an introvert which doesn't make it easier. 

Does anyone have any advice on how they can find safe people to support them? They are already in counselling and taking meds for depression. 

[WhiteCatandcherries]

Personally I myself struggle with the thought that I won't find a romantic partner because I am asexual. All I can say is that it is possible, and in the meantime there are plenty of people who wants / wouldn't care about being friends with an asexual person. Online ace communities also really help me feel self accept around my identify. 

[Queen Snowfall]

Yeah, a lot of aces struggle with trying to make romantic relationships work. I’m aromatic myself, (not sure if that makes me lucky or not?), but from what I’ve heard from other people, these relationships usually work best when both people are ace. Also it just helps me to have a community of people like this, because sometimes I have to vent, and no one I know in real life gets it.

Hope everything works out!

[RileyA]

Encourage them to find fellow ace partners. Someone mentioned some sort of dating site for ace people on here. I'd even encourage long distance/online companionship.

[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

Tell them to join the site, may make some friends and we will welcome them with cake   , as for dating, they may want to join to some asexual dating sites, they aren't too crowed but it's better to try than not (I think). Welcome to Aven, btw 🧁

[Bex Ally Mum]

Thanks everyone. It sounds very hard for you all, but you are clearly a supportive bunch. I will try to encourage them to join AVEN as a positive action. Little steps... 

Very grateful for your quick responses 😊

[anisotrophic]

@Bex Ally Mum since you’ve used a genderless pronoun, might they also be struggling with gender dysphoria issues?

 

Sexuality interrelates with gender in both physiological and social ways. I feel like my own “generic” advice might be very different depending on physiological sex, gender identity, and social and physiological status & history of transition if trans.

 

(I’m not ace, but I am trans and a parent of younger children.)

[nanogretchen4]

Finding a life partner is not easy for anyone, and it is extra challenging for people with minority sexual orientations. The coming out process is often long and stressful. Your child will have better chances of finding compatible relationship partners once they reach the stage of the coming out journey where they are participating in an asexual community. A local asexual community would be outstanding, but an online community also helps. 

 

However, sometimes when someone is struggling they feel like they have to find a life partner right now and that will make everything better. Of course, the process of searching is going to be stressful and include some setbacks they may not be in the best headspace to deal with right now. Also, a desperation mindset is not conducive to healthy relationships. If possible I would try to shift the short-term focus to finding a nice friend group and some enjoyable activities rather than the search for a life partner.