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Aegosexual and aegoromantic I'm lost HELP !!!

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I'm 17 and just finished high school and every time I would watch a movie or TV shows especially taking place in high school I would think "Hey maybe it's for later I'm still young not even in high school yet" but once I was nothing changed and I started explaining this lack of attraction on the fact that I live in a small city and I knew half my class since we were 3 but I traveled with my school to go in other school from a week to a month and I still didn't find anyone "hot" like all my friends, I never had a crush. I tried dating 2 guy but each only lasted a week and we only talk by textes because I was too uncomfortable actually being with them, I was only acting of what I was used to watch on TV or read in books and I realised maybe I wasn't the same as them. I have always been aware on the queer community I'm the reference for all my friends and my family but it started as a way to understand people better and one day I stumbled on the words aromantic and asexual so I investigated further and felt like it was good for me not perfect but it was a start.

Two years ago I was really close to a guy and I explained everything I could about how I felt, that I might love him but not the same way as he would but it's difficult explaining something you don't understand yourself like what non-platonic love is for example. He misunderstood me and cut contact so as not to get to attached and we recently made up but it's not the same and he likes a girl so idk if it's be inappropriate to act as we were before anything happened. We used to cuddle a lot and kiss each other cheeks, hands, shoulders... and we hugged all the time in public people always teased us about how we would soon be dating and stuff and every time I was feeling so uncomfortable I turned red so they thought they were right and continued doing it. I don't know if it would be bad to get back to this closeness that I love while he is crush on another girl (he used to be in love with me) and I'm living the country for a year anyway but I always wondered maybe if were had continued I would have been able and even enjoyed kissing, making out, maybe have sex ?

I always wanted to have sex because I wanted to understand how people felt and why they liked it but I never felt attracted to anyone if that makes sens ? Same for relationships I want to understand but I only took my clues from fiction I watched but never felt the butterflies everyone talks about.

I keep looking on youtube and shows for representation and they are really few but I recently started Loveless by Alice Osman and it felt right so things are changing

Recently I found words I never heard of before like cupiosexual, aegosexual and a lot of others so I felt the need to do more research during which I discovered some lgbt didn't consider aroace people as part of the community for reasons such as not living through the same kind of oppression ?

I got interested in the tile aegosexual (does it exists for the romantic side as well ? probably ?) but there is very few descriptions online but I found out about AVEN and fell on this website. 

I think I might be aegosexual because I read a lot of fan fictions and my favorite ships are slash (m/m) for reasons I never really considered before but maybe it's because it's further from me ? I read also a lot of kinky and really kinky things (some of my friends don(t understand how I can know so much things but not want to live it) usually with the same few ships but some stuff can get dark. Sometimes my body reacts to what I'm reading and I get wet but as soon as I try to touch I don(t feel anything and stop immediately, I tried going until the end be it doesn't feel any different and I feel gross after. I love reading romance and I don't want to live it so maybe I am aego ? The same goes for sex I thought I might be sex-repulsed but the idea of giving is not as bad and I find the connecting beautiful with all the trust (especially the trust for dom/sub relationship) but not for myself.

I think I forgot things in this already really long post but I felt like unloading today and here feels like the perfect place son thanks for reading if you did and if you have comments , thoughts, or tips I'm happy to read them.

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Don't really have much to say, tbh. From what I've read you definitely sound aegoromantic and aegosexual, and even more so if you think so too! 

It's cool to make that distinction that, although you are interested in sex and romance, you probably wouldn't want to actually do it in real life

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10 hours ago, Lalilas 178 said:

got interested in the tile aegosexual but there is very few descriptions online but I found out about AVEN and fell on this website. 

Hi! Aegosexual is part of asexuality. Some people just call themselves "asexual," but there are all this microlabels under the asexual umbrella that some like to use to more specifically describe their identity. I don't really use the label aegosexuality for myself because it's just simpler to say asexual, but I do relate to the description of what it is. Aegosexuality tends to be used for people who have sexual fantasies but still lack the desire to be an actual participant in the sexual activities. They envision people other then themselves in the fantasy, sort of like watching a movie, but don't like to include themselves in the fantasy. They might also enjoy watching a sex scene, but again, it doesn't make them want to engage in sex in any way or think about themselves in that situation. So its like they can get some enjoyment out of others experiencing sex, but hate the idea of themselves being involved in sex in any way. I do relate alot to this as I sometimes like to fantasise if I'm bored, but the people in the fantasy resemble celebrities or are imaginary characters, I cannot think of myself having sex as it makes me feel gross.

I guess aegoromantic works the same way but with romantic type relationships. You enjoy the idea of romantic relationships and seeing others engage in romantic type activities, but don't want to participate yourself. 

Hope that helps 😊

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