Dominus Temporis Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 I posted this on Arocalypse yesterday and thought it would be interesting to ask the same question on here: Here is a question for all my fellow aroaces out there: do you feel more aro or ace? Which part of your orientation takes up the most space? Which do you think the most about? Which do you struggle with the most? Which do you feel the most discrimination because of? I've personally spent a lot more time thinking about my asexuality, but I think that's mainly due to the fact that aromanticism is even more invisible than asexuality. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Revan Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 3 minutes ago, Dominus Temporis said: I posted this on Arocalypse yesterday and thought it would be interesting to ask the same question on here: Here is a question for all my fellow aroaces out there: do you feel more aro or ace? Which part of your orientation takes up the most space? Which do you think the most about? Which do you struggle with the most? Which do you feel the most discrimination because of? I've personally spent a lot more time thinking about my asexuality, but I think that's mainly due to the fact that aromanticism is even more invisible than asexuality. I hang out with more aces, so more part of them 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fandom Fanatic Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 I'm more ace than I am aro, because I'm "factually" grayro, but I just go by aroace cuz it's comfier 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Feds the Freds Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 I don't really know, I put aro, but mostly just because, one can't romantically do it to one self, so I don't even know how it feels like. I think, one can find their sexuality even without ever having experienced it, with romantic attraction, thats more difficult (at least in my opinion) But on the other hand, I absolutely don't care to ever do the sex, but to experience romance is kind of intriguing and I defenitely hope to have some experience on how it feels like one day. So maybe more romance positive, but at the same time more aromantic, does that make sense? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dominus Temporis Posted August 4, 2022 Author Share Posted August 4, 2022 2 minutes ago, Feds the Freds said: I don't really know, I put are, but mostly just because, one can't romantically do it to one self, so I don't even know how it feels like. I think, one can find his sexuality even without ever having experienced it, with romantic attraction, thats more difficult (at least in my opinion) But on the other hand, I absolutely don't care to ever do the sex, but to experience romance is kind of intriguing and I defenitely hope to have some experience on how it feels like one day. So maybe more romance positive, but at the same time more aromantic, does that make sense? Yes, that makes perfect sense. I am slightly (just a tiny, tiny bit) romance repulsed myself, so I doubt it's ever something I'll experience. I am (somewhat) sex repulsed as well, but at least one can... "do it to one self", as you put it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StarryNightAllAlone Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 Today I feel more aro Tomorrow I might feel more ace But in general I feel both everyday. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Queen Snowfall Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 I don't totally understand the question. I mean, I'm just both all of the time. I guess personally being aro is hardest for me, just because I don't really want to be alone forever. But it is what it is. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dominus Temporis Posted August 4, 2022 Author Share Posted August 4, 2022 3 minutes ago, Queen Snowfall said: I don't totally understand the question. I mean, I'm just both all of the time. I guess personally being aro is hardest for me, just because I don't really want to be alone forever. But it is what it is. Then you've answered the question 🙂 . I suppose the question could be summed up as which takes up the most space in your life. Listen, I fear ending up alone as well, but I'm sure I'll find some great friends who will want to live with me or perhaps I can live with some of my family members. In any case, I'm sure it'll be fine for both of us in the end. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Queen Snowfall Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 29 minutes ago, Dominus Temporis said: In any case, I'm sure it'll be fine for both of us in the end. Awwwww. *Hugs through cyberspace or whatever* 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Milque Toast Posted August 4, 2022 Share Posted August 4, 2022 I never really thought about it, but I suppose more aromantic? Even if the alterous attraction I feel is something I would describe as being between platonic and romantic. I guess the main reason for that is that my relationship with my gf was always going to be asexual from the start, but we had to figure out what kind of romantic gestures we were/weren't okay with as we went along. Discussing how we felt about romance/queerplatonic relationships (that sounds so mature wth) helped me understand my experience/feelings towards committed relationships so much more, whereas asexual is a pretty no-brainer. I guess as well because I've had to explain aromanticism in a lot more depth to people than asexuality. Most people get the part of having a committed relationship without sex, but I've spent more time explaining how you can have a committed relationship, or even none at all, without romance. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mike D Posted August 5, 2022 Share Posted August 5, 2022 I'm so aro I sometimes have trouble understanding why people even want to be in relationships. I mean, I've got nothing but love for those of you who enjoy being partnered up...I just don't understand you! But that's OK...I learned long ago you don't have to agree with people to have their backs. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lilibulero Posted August 5, 2022 Share Posted August 5, 2022 Aro is dominant here at the moment, because the ace bit is a foregone conclusion. In my daily life, I'm walking a tightrope between being just friendly, and sending out the wrong signals, so I'm trying to work on being a curmudgeon, to clarify things🤣 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted August 5, 2022 Share Posted August 5, 2022 17 hours ago, Dominus Temporis said: ...Here is a question for all my fellow aroaces out there: do you feel more aro or ace? Which part of your orientation takes up the most space? Which do you think the most about? Which do you struggle with the most? Which do you feel the most discrimination because of?... 16 hours ago, Dominus Temporis said: ...I suppose the question could be summed up as which takes up the most space in your life... I answered "both/not sure." They both feel a part of me, but I feel like "Meh. Okay," not any specific focus on them in my daily life or discrimination, much, due to those. I haven't really had strangers or relatives ask or really care about my sexual or romantic orientation. My relatives weren't/aren't into dating or having sex, and they don't care to comment about others' dating or sex lives. Gender has, always, had more of an effect in my life, with others' negative and/or laughing, gossip comments to their friend(s) about my appearance, offline, etc. Relatives and strangers have, always, been more interested in commenting about my gender, sex, etc. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The French Unicorn Posted August 5, 2022 Share Posted August 5, 2022 I also responded on apocalypse, but I feel more aro than ace. If someone ask my identity I'd say aro or aroace, but not just ace. I only use ace when talking specifically about sex or sexual attraction. I also consider that my aromanticism affects more my life than my asexuality. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted August 5, 2022 Share Posted August 5, 2022 I personally feel more ace. That feeling of needs to have sex never came back. I do sometimes get the wants to be with a woman at a romantic level and that fluctates. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ace.cyborg Posted August 7, 2022 Share Posted August 7, 2022 I feel more ace, I think because it's a bit easier to define for me what asexual is than what romance is. like with sex either it is or it's not, but romance feels like it can be anything and it's open to interpretation and how it is received or intended or anything like that, if that makes sense 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NoButterfly Posted August 7, 2022 Share Posted August 7, 2022 I feel mostly ace. But that’s probably because I’m just figuring that it’s likely that I’m aro too. Not entirely sure yet. 6 hours ago, ace.cyborg said: I feel more ace, I think because it's a bit easier to define for me what asexual is than what romance is. like with sex either it is or it's not, but romance feels like it can be anything and it's open to interpretation and how it is received or intended or anything like that, if that makes sense I think that is actually a pretty good description. I can definately relate. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kroete Posted August 7, 2022 Share Posted August 7, 2022 Well, I am aro-ace so I am both aro and ace. Duh! I don't think it makes sense to say I feel one more than the other as both things are key parts of my personality. Saying I feel one more than the other sounds like I diminish a part of myself, which does not make sense. What I'm saying is, both being aro and ace is important to me, but neither part is "less" of that. And I like to wave *both* the aro and ace flag. 🙂 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dominus Temporis Posted August 7, 2022 Author Share Posted August 7, 2022 1 hour ago, Kroete said: Well, I am aro-ace so I am both aro and ace. Duh! I don't think it makes sense to say I feel one more than the other as both things are key parts of my personality. Saying I feel one more than the other sounds like I diminish a part of myself, which does not make sense. What I'm saying is, both being aro and ace is important to me, but neither part is "less" of that. And I like to wave *both* the aro and ace flag. 🙂 Yeah, they do feel like two sides of the same coin as well because of the way our society views sex and romance (as two sides of the same coin). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CheshireDragon Posted August 9, 2022 Share Posted August 9, 2022 Here some unimportant stuff about this question: Why i feel more ace 1. If i'll come out to someone, i won't say i'm aro. I won't even explain the different between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. I don't like getting from people this look when they're like "you making stuff up to make yourself feel better", and i know there is already a big problem understanding asexuality and if i will tell someone that i'm ace it will be hard enoght explainig something they'll might be familiar with, i don't want to explain what aro is. It's too much for me. I mean, my parents don't know i'm aro (and they do know i'm ace), and i don't feel like explaining to them about this. I have some friends who know about the difference between aro and ace (one of my friends had a problem understanding herself so i explained it to her, and it turned out she was greyace, but not aro), but i think other people won't understand the difference between the two. So - to most people - i'm just asexual. And i'm not planing on changing that. 2. I LOVE the ace culture, much more then the aro culture. I like being around ace people and i like the cakes and the dragons and the purple and everything about it. And i love AVEN so much. Why i feel more aro 1. First time i thought something is "wrong" with me, i went to serch about asexuals, not aromantics, and i regret that. Yes - i'm almost sure that i'm ace (more on thatvin a sec), but my big questions were "why i don't want to date?" and "how can you tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction?", not "why is everyone talking about sex all the time?". My questions were actually alot more about my romantic attraction, but i didn't know that (as i said earlier, aromanticism is pretty unfamiliar), so i just took the ace label and thought it ment that i don't date. But ut was wrong. I wish i wouldn't find out about all the asexual part, cus it made me realize how much sex is a big part of this wrold, and i kinda hate it. As Nick Nelson said - i wish i known then what i know now. I wish aromanticismbwas more known and visible. But it isn't. If it was, i would be identify only as aro, without even talking about my sexuality. 2. Sexual attraction is scary 😅 i don't likr anything relate to sex, and asexual is like i admit i understand sex - and i really don't. It's too big and weird for me. I prefer the romantic side - and being very aro there 3. Yeah, sex scenes are boring, but did you see the romantic ones? Uh, why people even do this. I'm truely too aro for this. 4. I'm not complitly sure that i'm ace (like... 85% surr), libido is a very annoying thing and i hate it so much, but it exist and it is very confusing, and... I feel much more sure about my aro identity then my ace one. Ok that was very long, sorry. In conclusion, i feel better about my self when i say that i'm aro, but i will only tell people i'm ace. I chose the aro answer cus right now i feel it is more true for me, but honestly, tomarrow it will probably change, so if you read all of this for some reason, i'm sorry, you deserve better then this. Here, have a free duck 🦆 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dominus Temporis Posted August 10, 2022 Author Share Posted August 10, 2022 4 hours ago, CheshireDragon said: Here some unimportant stuff about this question: Why i feel more ace 1. If i'll come out to someone, i won't say i'm aro. I won't even explain the different between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. I don't like getting from people this look when they're like "you making stuff up to make yourself feel better", and i know there is already a big problem understanding asexuality and if i will tell someone that i'm ace it will be hard enoght explainig something they'll might be familiar with, i don't want to explain what aro is. It's too much for me. I mean, my parents don't know i'm aro (and they do know i'm ace), and i don't feel like explaining to them about this. I have some friends who know about the difference between aro and ace (one of my friends had a problem understanding herself so i explained it to her, and it turned out she was greyace, but not aro), but i think other people won't understand the difference between the two. So - to most people - i'm just asexual. And i'm not planing on changing that. 2. I LOVE the ace culture, much more then the aro culture. I like being around ace people and i like the cakes and the dragons and the purple and everything about it. And i love AVEN so much. Why i feel more aro 1. First time i thought something is "wrong" with me, i went to serch about asexuals, not aromantics, and i regret that. Yes - i'm almost sure that i'm ace (more on thatvin a sec), but my big questions were "why i don't want to date?" and "how can you tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction?", not "why is everyone talking about sex all the time?". My questions were actually alot more about my romantic attraction, but i didn't know that (as i said earlier, aromanticism is pretty unfamiliar), so i just took the ace label and thought it ment that i don't date. But ut was wrong. I wish i wouldn't find out about all the asexual part, cus it made me realize how much sex is a big part of this wrold, and i kinda hate it. As Nick Nelson said - i wish i known then what i know now. I wish aromanticismbwas more known and visible. But it isn't. If it was, i would be identify only as aro, without even talking about my sexuality. 2. Sexual attraction is scary 😅 i don't likr anything relate to sex, and asexual is like i admit i understand sex - and i really don't. It's too big and weird for me. I prefer the romantic side - and being very aro there 3. Yeah, sex scenes are boring, but did you see the romantic ones? Uh, why people even do this. I'm truely too aro for this. 4. I'm not complitly sure that i'm ace (like... 85% surr), libido is a very annoying thing and i hate it so much, but it exist and it is very confusing, and... I feel much more sure about my aro identity then my ace one. Ok that was very long, sorry. In conclusion, i feel better about my self when i say that i'm aro, but i will only tell people i'm ace. I chose the aro answer cus right now i feel it is more true for me, but honestly, tomarrow it will probably change, so if you read all of this for some reason, i'm sorry, you deserve better then this. Here, have a free duck 🦆 Thanks for the free duck 🙂 Here is one for you 🦆 You have some very important points. Having a libido is very confusing when you're asexual, and sexual attraction is just impossible to understand. I'm sure I don't experience it, but I have NO CLUE what the allos are experiencing... A lot of the early signs that I was ace were actually signs that I was aro. I had no interest in romance, but I don't think I ever understood how much people think about sex. The day I found out that I was the odd one out, the 1%, whatever you wanna call it, was truly a scary day. People... People actually want to have sex? For real?! Yet, it was always obvious that they wanted to be in romantic relationships, and ever since I was a very young child, I knew I was different in that regard, even if I never thought consciously about it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kroete Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 On 8/7/2022 at 6:26 PM, Dominus Temporis said: Yeah, they do feel like two sides of the same coin as well because of the way our society views sex and romance (as two sides of the same coin). I don't view aro and ace as two sides of the same coin tho. "aroace" to me literally just means "aromantic and asexual". I don't see these things as "fused together", but I understand that some people might experience THEIR aro-aceness differently. But I especially don't view my aro-aceness as a result of society viewing sex and romance as 2 sides of the same coin, I am certain this is my real identity, no matter what society believes. The fact that I randomly "comply" with some expectation is just that: a random coincidence. On 8/10/2022 at 2:38 AM, Dominus Temporis said: Having a libido is very confusing when you're asexual, and sexual attraction is just impossible to understand. I'm sure I don't experience it, but I have NO CLUE what the allos are experiencing... Huh. Interesting. To me, libido is not confusing at all, and I’m asexual. I do have a libido which makes me want to masturbate and I love it. Nothing confusing for me. But I also have zero sexual attraction, it is very unlikely I will have sex anytime soon. This is not confusing to me because sex and masturbation are just two different things. Sexual attraction however, I can only “understand” in the abstract, but I can totally not relate to it at all as I don't experience it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lwebstar Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 I said both. I've only recently learned about these terms. In my life, it has always felt like one undistinguishable thing. No sex, no dating, no relationships. That said, I can get caught up in the romance of TV characters and ship them but in real life, never, nor do I want that. Watching sex scenes on TV can arouse me, but that too is something I never have wanted in real life nor do I ever imagine myself having sex or romance. So very much both for me. An equal part of me. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Thujaplicata Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 I'm kind of conflicted here. I'm 100% ace. That's settled in my mind and it's what I identify with most strongly. But in an odd way, I think being romantically oblivious and demiromantic has had a greater effect on my day to day interactions with people. Maybe not, but I think a lot of my "incredibly ace moments" have actually been "incredibly aro moments" because I missed flirting, being asked out, whatever everyone else was talking about... I think I spend more time thinking about the aro part...but I'm not sure about that. I don't know, I probably should have said both. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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