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What kind of attraction is it when you want physical but not sexual contact?


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estherann

The more I think about attraction, the more I realise that I feel exactly the same kind of attraction towards certain people as I do towards puppies, cats, and other cute animals. I want to look at, hold, pet, cuddle, and generally be in physical contact with them (assuming they're ok with that) but not in any kind of sexual way. What kind of attraction is that?

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Lord Revan

It's called sensual attraction, I think.

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Burgundy Ashe

Sensual attraction

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On 8/1/2022 at 8:44 AM, estherann said:

The more I think about attraction, the more I realise that I feel exactly the same kind of attraction towards certain people as I do towards puppies, cats, and other cute animals. I want to look at, hold, pet, cuddle, and generally be in physical contact with them (assuming they're ok with that) but not in any kind of sexual way. What kind of attraction is that?

Do you mean affection? Like that you would have towards your mother, puppies or children? Most humans desire some form of affection. Its a source of comfort. 

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1 hour ago, Reindeer said:

Do you mean affection? Like that you would have towards your mother, puppies or children? Most humans desire some form of affection. Its a source of comfort. 

Affection is a good word, although I very much don't have it towards my mother or children. It's a feeling of "that creature would be nice to touch, I'd like to cuddle with them" but without genitals getting involved at all.

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4 minutes ago, estherann said:

Affection is a good word, although I very much don't have it towards my mother or children. It's a feeling of "that creature would be nice to touch, I'd like to cuddle with them" but without genitals getting involved at all.

That is affection. 

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Next question. Is panaffectionate a word we use to describe orientation? It feels a better fit than panromantic as I don't like most traditional "romantic" things.

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On 8/3/2022 at 9:22 PM, estherann said:

Next question. Is panaffectionate a word we use to describe orientation? It feels a better fit than panromantic as I don't like most traditional "romantic" things.

Are you sure you are just not desiring normal human affection as most people do? Affection is not an inherently lustful sort of thing.

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4 hours ago, Reindeer said:

Are you sure you are just not desiring normal human affection as most people do? Affection is not an inherently lustful sort of thing.

I know it's not lustful. Yes, I want affection, preferably as a part of a partnership. My experience of what it means to feel attracted to an individual is that I want to cuddle them.

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34 minutes ago, estherann said:

I know it's not lustful. Yes, I want affection, preferably as a part of a partnership. My experience of what it means to feel attracted to an individual is that I want to cuddle them.

Thats literally just Affection.  Most people desire some form of affection. They have done studies on this. Though rather unethical since they often involve baby animals. 

 

People can be affectionate with friends, lovers, partner, their offspring or puppies. Saying "I want affection from my lover" is just part of the human condition really. 

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3 hours ago, Reindeer said:

Thats literally just Affection.  Most people desire some form of affection. They have done studies on this. Though rather unethical since they often involve baby animals. 

 

People can be affectionate with friends, lovers, partner, their offspring or puppies. Saying "I want affection from my lover" is just part of the human condition really. 

I'd be wary about describing anything as "just part of the human condition" as a lot of aces here have expressed that they don't want that kind of contact. That's why I wondered if there was a label those who do could use to communicate that it's what we're looking for.

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1 hour ago, estherann said:

I'd be wary about describing anything as "just part of the human condition" as a lot of aces here have expressed that they don't want that kind of contact. That's why I wondered if there was a label those who do could use to communicate that it's what we're looking for.

 

People who don't want that usually describe it as being "touch averse", perhaps due to "sensory issues" maybe correlated with their neurodiversity.

 

Some people just don't like being touched. 

 

"I'm (not) a tactile person", in my opinion, is a different axis to "I'm (a)sexual"

Edited by RileyA
Typo
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14 hours ago, estherann said:

I'd be wary about describing anything as "just part of the human condition" as a lot of aces here have expressed that they don't want that kind of contact. That's why I wondered if there was a label those who do could use to communicate that it's what we're looking for.

If you wanted to know the term for not wanting it why didn't you ask that from the start? This is different than your original posted question.

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4 hours ago, Reindeer said:

If you wanted to know the term for not wanting it why didn't you ask that from the start? This is different than your original posted question.

 

19 hours ago, estherann said:

I'd be wary about describing anything as "just part of the human condition" as a lot of aces here have expressed that they don't want that kind of contact. That's why I wondered if there was a label those who do could use to communicate that it's what we're looking for.

 

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With regards to people, it might be romantic attraction, I wouldn't know first hand as I am fairly touch averse.  I can honestly say, I have never wanted to cuddle anyone of any age.  With regards to pets, obviously this is not romantic attraction, LOL.  So the two feelings may be similar, towards people and towards pets, but is not the same.  The bond with animals may come from a childhood wish to cuddle cute things for comfort, a dog, kitten, teddy bear.  This isn't the main bond with a pet as an adult though.  I will give my cat and dog cuddles, it is a pleasant thing, releasing feel-good chemicals in the brains of human and animal, and deepening the bond.  But the companionship, games, walks, even empathy with another living creature is as strong or stronger than a wish to cuddle. 

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On 8/6/2022 at 7:46 AM, Reindeer said:

Saying "I want affection from my lover" is just part of the human condition really. 

Can we just not say that something is "part of the human condition" ? If I don't want a lover and so, don't want affection from them, am I not human for you ?

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10 hours ago, Frenchace said:

Can we just not say that something is "part of the human condition" ? If I don't want a lover and so, don't want affection from them, am I not human for you ?

Affection is something the majority desires in some form or another. Even some autistic people who do not like touch from people might desire it from an animal or a toy animal. You can also be affectionate towards freinds. It does not mean that it means anything orientation wise. Also saying "I have a preference of who I am affectionate with" applys to most orientations. So it's not an orientation to say you only want affection with certien individuals. This literally applys to everyone. You can also be close to someone and not desire affection from them whatsoever. It's like trying to make an orientation for coffee drinkers. Some like cream, some like it black, some prefer tea. There is not an orientation for every type of coffee drinker.

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14 hours ago, Reindeer said:

Affection is something the majority desires in some form or another. Even some autistic people who do not like touch from people might desire it from an animal or a toy animal. You can also be affectionate towards freinds. It does not mean that it means anything orientation wise. Also saying "I have a preference of who I am affectionate with" applys to most orientations. So it's not an orientation to say you only want affection with certien individuals. This literally applys to everyone. You can also be close to someone and not desire affection from them whatsoever. It's like trying to make an orientation for coffee drinkers. Some like cream, some like it black, some prefer tea. There is not an orientation for every type of coffee drinker.

It's crazy to me that we have an orientation for an unimportant thing like sex but not for the vastly more important human need of affection.

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9 minutes ago, estherann said:

It's crazy to me that we have an orientation for an unimportant thing like sex but not for the vastly more important human need of affection.

If something applys to every single sexuality and every person to some degree how exactly is that an orientation? Is libido an orientation? No, but everyone has a different degree of it. The problem is not understanding what orientation is and not understanding basic psychology. I believe there is an English rule way of explaining this. A tree makes an apple and the apple is a fruit. A tree has leaves but the leaves may not be fruit. Your idea is that anything part of the tree is fruit but anything extending from a tree is not automatically fruit.

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9 minutes ago, Reindeer said:

If something applys to every single sexuality and every person to some degree how exactly is that an orientation? Is libido an orientation? No, but everyone has a different degree of it. The problem is not understanding what orientation is and not understanding basic psychology.

So I would say that the attraction that goes along with this desire is "finding something / someone cute." I find some species/breeds of animals cute, but not others. Similarly, I find some people cute, but not others. I don't think I've ever found a male with the stereotypically "attractive" male physique cute or wanted to cuddle with them. People of other gender presentations and body types I do, selectively, find cute. That suggests some kind of orientation.

 

I am about one comment away from blocking you due to your combative and insulting tone.

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On 8/1/2022 at 4:44 PM, estherann said:

The more I think about attraction, the more I realise that I feel exactly the same kind of attraction towards certain people as I do towards puppies, cats, and other cute animals. I want to look at, hold, pet, cuddle, and generally be in physical contact with them (assuming they're ok with that) but not in any kind of sexual way. What kind of attraction is that?

I experience something very similar, and I personally interpret is as a form of sensual attraction (although in my case there also seems to be an aesthetic aspect). In fact, I experience it to the extent I sometimes refer to it here on AVEN as “hypersensual”. It’s sometimes difficult to untangle as I experience it somewhere in the bi/pan area, but I do feel it is oriented (or certainly can be oriented as much as any other form of attraction).

 

1 hour ago, estherann said:

So I would say that the attraction that goes along with this desire is "finding something / someone cute." I find some species/breeds of animals cute, but not others. Similarly, I find some people cute, but not others. I don't think I've ever found a male with the stereotypically "attractive" male physique cute or wanted to cuddle with them. People of other gender presentations and body types I do, selectively, find cute. That suggests some kind of orientation.

Completely relate to this! 🥰

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