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My girlfriend of 10 years has no interest


penguinsgirl

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penguinsgirl

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 10 years and I am deeply in love with her. We have been having problems the past few years. Alot had been due to her drinking and me traveling alot for work. In the past year she has stopped drinking completely...which is great but with the decrease in alcohol, there has been NO affection at all. No kissing, hugging, snuggling and no sex. I have tried to talk to her, listen, changed my wardrobe to be more seductive, more submissive,my hair color and length, even lost weight. She tells me that over the past year things have surfaced from her past and she has no interest in sex because of it. I had always known of one instance in her past, which we spoke of years ago.I have suggested counseling only to get snapped at that I think she's crazy. I have suggested couples counselling also with a response that we do not have the time nor the money. I have cried myself to sleep almost ewvery night for 6 months. As I read other stories here, I find so many similarities in our relationships. I have prayed and asked for advise and strength. I am so lost and some advise is appreciated. :cry:

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Hi Pengiunsgirl,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.. I'm going through a very similar issue.

if she is asexual, which may be the case.. it's not you. it's her .

regarding her excuse about couples counceling --- it's an excuse to get out of a situation that would make her very uncomfortable.

you're also in a state of discomfort. aren't you???!!!

you mentioned stuff from her past has surfaced.... could it be that she had a sexual trauma... Rape,, sexual assault,,

Could it be that's why she drank??!!

Regarding her not wanting to get help...... Guess what.. if you both don't go to see a therapist you will not come to a conclusion-compromise..

You are 50% of the relationship..and you deserve to know what's up....don't waste any more of your time with her if she won't go with you.

If she goes to a therapist she can at least come to the realization that she is an asexual or whatever.. I think that many people that are asexual or that don't follow the usual sexual orientation struggle with it at some point in their lives .. leading to depression...etc

If she loves you she'll go...if she's doesn't, pack up your stuff and leave

you can't stay in this limbo forever....

feel free to PM me anytime,,

Take care and and be strong.

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............

If it is indeed on account of something from her past that she has stopped wanting to have sex, then she may not actually constitute an asexual, but I can't say for sure.

I don't think that her refusal to go to any sort of counseling relates to whether or not she loves you, though, as many people feel like that can be an attack on the state of their mental health, and not just an option regarding solving problems, etc.

However, even if she refuses to go, (and I begin to sound like an advice columnist here), it might be to your benefit to go yourself. You may not be able to solve all your problems alone, but if you are the only one who is willing to go to counseling, you might be able to find some ways to help find the problem, or convince her to get help along with you.

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Firstly she might not be asexual. Only your girlfriend can say what she is - asexual or not.

I am sorry to hear youa re int he posisition you are in. I hope she comes around to the idea of counselling becuase that sounds liek it would help. It does sound as if there is an event in her past and combined wiht her stopping drinking that's why there's beena decrease in intimacy.

But I'm not an expert, that's only what it sounds like.

But yes it sounds more like that an asexuality.

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