Tanthos Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 As a lifelong asexual, I've never been in love, never experienced it. And I am endlessly curious about it. What is it like? How does it feel? How is it different from friendship? What is the attraction about it? Is it possible to describe it without resorting to platitudes, poetry, and song lyrics? What is it? Can anyone describe it to me? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lysandre, the Star-Crossed Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. (Sorry, had to) 20 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 It feels like home, like my partner is part of who I am as a person. Together we're A Thing that's more than simply two people. 'The whole is greater than sum of its parts' and all that. Dunno if that falls under your 'no platitudes' stipulation, but I really don't know how else to describe it. I'm not trying to be overly cheesy. I've felt it that way only once. I thought I did maybe, I guess, a few times, until I actually did. And then you just know. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hurta Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 I turn to romance books to these sorts of things, because romance is... complicated for me, to say the least. So any other expanations are also appreciated. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tanthos Posted July 8, 2022 Author Share Posted July 8, 2022 46 minutes ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said: Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. (Sorry, had to) What did I say about no song lyrics? 😠😡🤬 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Invisible Pumpkin Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 38 minutes ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said: Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. (Sorry, had to) Don't we do that all the time?? haha. Now, seriously, there are apparently several forms of love, and romantic love is just one fo them. To me feels like the need to be close to that person and have (almost all) the traditional things a couple do (without all the sex-mess), and giving this person something they want from you (like companionship, fun times, etc), like an ilusión, a dream or something like that (because I haven't had it, I mean not the feelings, but the second part). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BigBassFox Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 1 hour ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said: Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. (Sorry, had to) Dammit you beat me to it 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blunose2772 Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 I thought I was in love once, but it was just gas 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blue eyes white dragon Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 For me it feels like safety and contentment and peace and happiness. It's being comforted when I'm upset and making up after getting upset at each other and taking care of each other and making fun of each other and companionship and able to trust them and tell them anything and be completely stupid around each other and having each other's back and able talk about hard things and things that you got upset with them. It's home 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phalena Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 4 hours ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said: Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. (Sorry, had to) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwVh8pmOot4 3 hours ago, Tanthos said: What did I say about no song lyrics? 😠😡🤬 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TormentDubz Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 Who tf knows 5 hours ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said: Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. (Sorry, had to) Banned 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lysandre, the Star-Crossed Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 4 minutes ago, TormentDubz said: Banned Would you have preferred Pat Benetar or The Beatles? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 I've never been in love so I can't really help you there, I love many of my friends like family, but truthfully, I couldn't even explain that either, I just know that I love them Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Or in Tele's words that were very specific to a conversation we had earlier... The best way I can explain it is there was a Canada-wide internet outage on one of the main networks and it affected my wifi but not my phone service (phone is with a different carrier) but then my phone service started getting slow and weird for a bit anyway and Skype was being shitty so we switched to iMessage and I was terrified I would have no way to contact anyone (I don't have a landline) and we had a long convo about my trauma stuff and the way I need to be able to call for help in an emergency and Tele's always wonderful about that cos he has his own (different) trauma stuff and understands Trauma Brain™, and so anyway I was asking him questions I already knew the answer to, like does he really still love me even though I'm such a messy human, and then also what about when some problem comes up and we have a disagreement or someone feels hurt or whatever (doesn't happen often, but every relationship has Stuff, so), does he still love me then too, and he said 'Yes, there can be those things and still lerv. Lerv is like the sea and the mess or hurt is like a little string of fish poo floating past.' (don't bother asking why it's spelt 'lerv', it's just A Thing We Do Sometimes) and so now I am done with that story and that very long sentence. Love is like the sea and when you really love someone, problems that come up are like... strings of fish poo floating past. 🐟💩 (I like to gross him out by mentioning poo -- not necessarily fish poo but I guess inclusive of lol -- and he's not that grossed out anymore so apparently he voluntarily brings poo into conversation himself now.) (If you've never seen fish poo, google it.) (Honest to god, I swear we're fully grown adults.) 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I'm a lifelong asexual, and a romantic -- being asexual doesn't mean you can't/don't fall in love. I did, and it's entirely different from friendship. In fact, some people fall in love, or feel love, with people they might not necessarily consider friends. I did, and yet we eventually felt like we were best friends besides being in love with each other. When you're in love/feel romantic about someone, you feel a little heart-jump when you see them when you didn't expect to, you want to talk about them, you want to look attractive to them, you want to learn about their childhood and maybe meet their family, you want to see them as often as possible, you wonder if they love you as much as you love them, you worry when you haven't heard from them for even a few days, and if you've gone as long as I did before falling in love (through a whole marriage for me when I wasn't in love with my husband), you really hope that although the infatuation period may not last, the mutual love will. Luckily, it did for me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 14 hours ago, Sally said: I did, and it's entirely different from friendship. In fact, some people fall in love, or feel love, with people they might not necessarily consider friends. I did, and yet we eventually felt like we were best friends besides being in love with each other. Yeah it does feel different, although it can start from friendship for sure. (Would I be lying if I said I felt feelings that weren't 'just friends' feelings very fast though, like... four years ago haha? Absolutely yes. Took someone else a lot longer to realise he did too though lol.) But yeah, 'in love' is different than friendship. I've had various experiences with that. When I was young I thought I was in love with a guy where it was more just... teenage attraction, I suppose (though I was hung up on the 'what ifs' of that situation until I was 23). We dated a bit but it wouldn't have worked as a proper relationship. My ex-husband, I did have an initial crush I suppose based on idealisation, and then that faded and there wasn't romantic love at all, just fairly compatible platonic friendship. I'm grateful for that and for still having him in my life, but it wasn't a satisfying relationship. I was desperately 'in love' with a straight woman once upon a time... can't say that was just teenage hormones or anything since I was in my mid 20s, but I was absolutely infatuated with her, holy shit. More idealisation. (Pro tip: don't fall for people with totally incompatible orientations. 🙃) And then my ex-girlfriend, that was absolutely some sort of very intense and unhealthy attraction and bonding, and I think if things hadn't been a nightmare, it could've gone the way of a more comfortable 'in love'... maybe... but things didn't go that way, so. There wasn't the trust for that to happen and there were too many personality clashes. So I guess my main prior experiences (husband and girlfriend) were, respectively, friendship without romantic love, and strong attraction without comfortable friendship and compatibility. Both missing something vital, which feels empty and lonely. Got both things now and we've passed the limerence stage and I very much hope the love (and desire, because that does outlast the limerence with the right connection) sticks around. (Bonus of long-distance though, you can revive the limerence a bit when you visit lol, because when it's the right person you don't forget what led to the attraction in the first place. Looking forward to that in a few weeks... 😂) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I believe love is as much a feeling as it is a certain decision. I remember the day when I realized that I liked somebody as more than a friend. And at the beginning, that's who she was. A good friend that we had our ups and downs together. We shared conversations and topics, swapped help. She was the first and likely last human being I ever trusted one hundred percent, and that gave her the capability to destroy me, if she wanted. She knew all my shortcomings and weaknesses, every desire, every unspoken thought as I found that I could speak to her openly. It feels like gravity. As if something is pulling you towards them, and no matter how much you fight it, you can't escape it because if they love you in equal measure they'll get pulled in towards you, as you to them. You feel like you've found the thing that was missing in your life that you never knew was missing. And it's not just "a thing." It's yourself. They are you and you are them. You'd give everything to see them, to be with them, to protect them. I would say that it differs to friendship in one area. The bond is stronger than friendship. Friends leave you. Friends fight you. Friends can't be called upon and expected to return aid. Someone you love breaks these boundries, either by doing the impossible and being the person who is always there no matter what, or being the person that you can't bring yourself to hate or harm even if you disagree with. That about sums the feeling up. They pull you in, they complete what you didn't know what was missing. They know your every weakness and hold the means to destroy you but never do as they care far more than anybody else about you than you'll likely ever know. You miss them when they are gone and drown in pleasant company with them. But, what about the choice? The choice is choosing to acknowledge that bond and stay true to it. To support them in their darkest hour, never to abandon them. Never to betray them for somebody else, or at minimum, if you or they decide that time is up, to let each other know rather than backstab one another. It's the choice to stay loyal and honest with them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Love is also when you see this on a Facebook meme page you and your partner both follow and you send it to him and say you would definitely do something like that and he said he already saw it in his own Facebook feed and thought of you immediately. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RileyA Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 17 hours ago, Tanthos said: As a lifelong asexual, I've never been in love, never experienced it. And I am endlessly curious about it. What is it like? How does it feel? How is it different from friendship? What is the attraction about it? Is it possible to describe it without resorting to platitudes, poetry, and song lyrics? What is it? Can anyone describe it to me? It's like, you'd want that person to be happy, even if it meant you couldn't be as happy as them. It feels warm, safe, unique, comforting, and motivating. It's not really different from friendship for me. I'm a relationship anarchist. I love lots of people. I'm not so sure about being in love and how that differs. I'm just more compatible for life sharing with some of the people I love. It's attractive because you feel part of a team. All the people who love you and you love them back. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 4 hours ago, RileyA said: motivating Oh yeah, that's another one. Reminds me of this that I saw on Instagram the other day. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Revan Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 From Underale wiki: LV or LOVE (Level of Violence) increases HP and AT when it rises, and some levels increase DF as well. This acronym is also misleading; traditionally, LV stands for Level. Sans describes it as "A way of measuring someone's capacity to hurt." The protagonist starts at LV 1 and can rise as far as 20 in-game. LV can be set arbitrarily high or low via file editing. When you have enough EXP, your LOVE increases. LOVE, too, is an acronym. It stands for "Level of Violence." A way of measuring someone's capacity to hurt. The more you kill, the easier it becomes to distance yourself. The more you distance yourself, the less you will hurt. The more easily you can bring yourself to hurt others. Sans in the Last Corridor 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I am far too old and uncool to understand what any of that means. 😂 That a video game or something? I'll just be over here kicking my partner's ass at Scrabble or something else old-timey. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I gotta make him play Snakes and Ladders (or Chutes and Ladders to the Muricans out there... personally I prefer our Commonwealth name for it) when he visits. I still have the set I got for Christmas when I was four. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 36 minutes ago, Ceebs said: I gotta make him play Snakes and Ladders (or Chutes and Ladders to the Muricans out there... personally I prefer our Commonwealth name for it lol) when he visits. I still have the set I got for Christmas when I was four. Make him climb a ladder, then put a bunch of snakes at the bottom and let him figure out how to get down. It would be a great test of his bravery and ingenuity. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 5 minutes ago, FailsafeEngineer said: Make him climb a ladder, then put a bunch of snakes at the bottom and let him figure out how to get down. It would be a great test of his bravery and ingenuity. I'll just make him climb the stairs to my flat. 😂 I mean, he obviously has to anyway. I'm on the top floor of an old house and the only way to get up here is via a fire escape. He really doesn't like heights. 😎 I've joked that since he won't really enjoy going up and down the stairs, I'll just keep him here forever. He doesn't seem to hate the idea... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe I could make it kinky somehow, too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 32 minutes ago, Ceebs said: Maybe I could make it kinky somehow, too. TMI Spoiler Vibrator gauntlet. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 On 7/9/2022 at 12:04 PM, FailsafeEngineer said: TMI Hide contents Vibrator gauntlet. Lol just saw this... Hrmm. Bit too kinky even for me... maybe. 😂 Anyway, I came here to say that love is also going online to buy a copy of a book your partner said was one of his favourites as a little kid but it fell apart many years ago, so you can give it to him (along with a bunch of other random stockpiled stuff lol) when you get see him in a few weeks. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 1 hour ago, Ceebs said: Lol just saw this... Hrmm. Bit too kinky even for me... maybe. 😂 Anyway, I came here to say that love is also going online to buy a copy of a book your partner said was one of his favourites as a little kid but it fell apart many years ago, so you can give it to him (along with a bunch of other random stockpiled stuff lol) when you get see him in a few weeks. If someone ever did stuff like that for me I would melt. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 4 minutes ago, daveb said: If someone ever did stuff like that for me I would melt. Apparently "this was my bible as a kid". 😂 I hope it gets here in time... 🙃 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 Then again, if I trap him here so he just doesn't leave... no worries. 😂 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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