Oh my God, I think my husband is Asexual??? Help !!!!

[Chiaroscuro]

I belive a marriage takes two and you should both work at it. i dont think I should be expected to live my live without SEX. I want us to both be happy!!!

Hi ck!

Here's the issue, for me, and it's been brought up many times here in other discussions... do you really want your husband to hold his nose and have sex with you as if it were some sort of unpleasant task? I don't want that from my wife. I want her to desire me, and that's not going to happen. I'm not interested in her submission, I want her to want to be with me and that's the thing she just can't give me. So it's not that she's not willing to compromise, it's that she CAN'T feel something just by wanting to. Sex without pleasure on both sides, to me, seems awful.

If you can find a way to express your sexual nature with him in a way that you're both comfortable with, that you both enjoy, honey, give me the recipe for that :)

best,

-Chiaroscuro

[luvmybabies]

I belive a marriage takes two and you should both work at it. i dont think I should be expected to live my live without SEX. I want us to both be happy!!!

Hi ck!

Here's the issue, for me, and it's been brought up many times here in other discussions... do you really want your husband to hold his nose and have sex with you as if it were some sort of unpleasant task? I don't want that from my wife. I want her to desire me, and that's not going to happen. I'm not interested in her submission, I want her to want to be with me and that's the thing she just can't give me. So it's not that she's not willing to compromise, it's that she CAN'T feel something just by wanting to. Sex without pleasure on both sides, to me, seems awful.

If you can find a way to express your sexual nature with him in a way that you're both comfortable with, that you both enjoy, honey, give me the recipe for that :)

best,

-Chiaroscuro

Yes I totally agree. You see, and this might seem strange to you all, but I actually DO NOT want sex from my husband right now. Even though you all hear me screaming for sex, I really just have way too many unresolved resentments right now to even enjoy it with him. I also cannot honestly enjoy sex with anyone if they are only doing it because they have to, instead of because they want to. And I think it's very very difficult for an asexual to "pretend" that it feels good when it doesn't. That is a major turn off to me. But I cannot blame him, that is who he is. I just have to decide if this is the way that I want to live the rest of my life. Sex isn't everything, but to me it's the cherry on top of it all.

YOu know??

Mia

[Apdg]

wow this topic really got out of hand there for a while.

best thing to do is to discuss the sex situation with your husband. Even if hes not into it explain you are and that you need a little attention every now and then. Also maybe you can get him to do other stuff lie use toys or oral sitmulation on you. You know how he feels about intercourse so maybe you guys meet halfway.

[Inkey Pinkies]

keep at it luvmybabies, my asexual partner and i have been together over a decade and its only in the last year or so that we started to understand that we are of different sexual orientations, our relationship works well. we have had a couple of issues/problems undersatanding it all, but its great now so keep working on him and good luck to you both. :roll:

[luvmybabies]

keep at it luvmybabies, my asexual partner and i have been together over a decade and its only in the last year or so that we started to understand that we are of different sexual orientations, our relationship works well. we have had a couple of issues/problems undersatanding it all, but its great now so keep working on him and good luck to you both. :roll:

Thanks so much for the message of "Hope". Actually, I have not talked to him at all really about this (in person that is). However, I did email him and tell him that we needed to get help for this problem (Our Problem) and I mean (therapy) or I would not be able to stay in this marriage. He agreed, surprisingly. And now we have an appt with a specialist, a sex therapist on Sept. 18th at 5pm. I am so excited. I know that we will both be uncomfortable at first in this first meeting, but it's absolutely necessary if we are to understand each other, and to even find out if he is actually asexual, or just suffering severe anxiety from his PE and other things in his head.

Thanks, wish us luck.

[vikingo]

It is so good that you will be communicating about these things. Good luck to both of you as individuals and good luck to both of you as a couple and family.

[Inkey Pinkies]

Well done and i hope things go well for you both, i hope your therapist understands more about asexuality than most people in the care professions seem to. I'm sure if you are both open and honest you will reach a conclusion of some kind. keep us posted and if there are any questions that you think we might be able to help with dont be afraid to ask. good luck.