"But I don't want you to be alone"

[Ace_Reporter]

The other day, I had an ... interesting conversation with my brother, who I think suspects on some level that I may be Ace. (He asked me if I was gay, a question that has no basis in reality, because the only gay people I hang out with on a consistent basis are men.)

He told me he "feels sorry" for me and doesn't want me to be alone. He's so concerned about this that he's actually considered fixing me up with his friends, who exhibit the toxic masculinity that terrifies me. One of them actually just got out of prison. (He is convinced his friend was innocent, I am not so sure and believe strongly that prison changes a person.)

If this conversation ever comes up again, I am tempted to share the following facts:

* It is very possible to be married and still be lonely.
* Almost every marriage that doesn't end in divorce ends with the death of one spouse (and statistically, it's the wife who survives.)
and
* There are worse things in life than being happily single, and one of those is being miserably married.

[slywlf]

19 hours ago, GrACEFully said:

* It is very possible to be married and still be lonely.
* Almost every marriage that doesn't end in divorce ends with the death of one spouse (and statistically, it's the wife who survives.)
and
* There are worse things in life than being happily single, and one of those is being miserably married.

Having made the mistake of getting married - this was many years ago, when the term 'asexual' was basically only used about microbes LOL - so I had no idea what was "wrong with me", I can totally vouch for all three. Now about to turn 68, and having been a widow for almost 10 years, I am finally comfortable in my own skin, with friends who understand and accept, no judgement. Good luck with your brother!  If you don't want to 'come out' there is certainly no pressing reason to do so. Nobody in my family knows, and I don't feel the need since at my age it's really none of their business, and we are scattered across the country so I rarely see the ones who are still alive.

[imnotafreakofnature!]

I actually envy you for being so self-aware. If I'd known I was asexual at a younger age, I could have saved myself MASSIVE amounts of heartache instead of continuing to look for something that I know now I'll never find because it just simply doesn't exist.

 

There are definitely worse things than being lonely alone, and being lonely with somebody else is one of them. I learned that through two marriages (I didn't know asexuality was even a thing until eight years into the second one) and several other relationships. So my relationship failure rate is 100% - but my SUCCESS rate for surviving the worst days of my life and the worst things that have ever happened to me is also 100%! 😃😃🤗🤗🌞🌞

 

The truth is, it's EXTREMELY rare that I ever get lonely; but on the rare occasion that I do, it never lasts long. And it's not nearly as bad as it was when I was married. 😉 So don't ever apologize for being who you are and dancing to the beat of a different drummer, or for refusing to go down that old, well-worn road that's littered with broken hearts and broken dreams. Blaze your own trail!!